Political Parties That Never Caught On
This past calendar year has been a politically-charged riot in Thinking America. We have seen a White House power shift through the rise of Barack Obama, and things may be on the upswing, but let us not forget those parties who hung up their spurs this year.
This past calendar year has been a politically-charged riot in Thinking America. We have seen a White House power shift through the rise of Barack Obama, and things may be on the upswing, but let us not forget those parties who hung up their spurs this year. Most were absorbed by the Democratic Party, such as the Nudist Left’s ‘Crats-in-Barrels and the ever-shrinking Abortionist Party. But let us also consider the smaller parties which faded out or simply disappeared. These parties, often difficult to track demographically, can tell us some interesting things about where this country is headed.
The hip-hop influenced white party, known for their outspoken opposition to descendants of Andrew Jackson? Yes, the Whigger Party has disbanded, as have the musically charged Jazz-Tap Party, and the holiday-issues oriented Mannheim Steamroller Party. No longer around to remind us that Kid and Play wish to socialize with Martin Lawrence tonight, the House Party has also closed its doors.
Meanwhile, the Sociables Party, known for their long-time commitment to tasty snacks, have announced they will absorb the Funyunist Party. The groups plan to encourage those who make up the Snack Vote to put aside their differences and rock the vote in a “sociable, fun way.” The Romulan Party merged with the Insane Clown Party, in what looks to be a vain effort to motivate white-trash nerds, with many predicting them also to absorb the KISS Party later this year. The Public Radio Party is scrambling for a new candidate after Ira Glass failed yet another physical exam, although many say his anecdotal debate style would win only a portion of the Creative Writing Vote, and possibly a piece of the Smarm Vote.
It is surprising to very few that the Nation changes as quickly as it does. In the dot-com boom, America got used to the fact that more than a few political deals were made in the so-called “smoke-filled chat rooms” of the 1990’s. While this still goes on, what concerns many who follow the pulse of these smaller parties is that in an economy such as this, fewer and fewer are donating to keep their parties afloat. A party which rocketed onto the national scene in the late 90’s, the Emoticon Party is one such example. When I emailed them several times for a look into their funding woes, they simply replied: :-( .
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Christopher Elford
Christopher Elford is a Canadian-born waiter, writer, and comedian who enjoys playing a game called “Drink When You’re Unhappy.” He lives in Richmond, Virginia with his two cats and would love to do stand-up at your next garden or office party.
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