Off Broadway Plays That Got Undeservedly Bad Reviews

Critics! What do they know? Absolutely nothing. Particularly when it comes to independent productions that never actually happened.

First of all, I would like to commend Mr. Danny Glover for his commanding performance with Patrick Ewing and Tito Jackson in the classy think-piece, “Does My Sweat Offend You Sir?” And I feel for Danny, I really do. As soon as Don Cheadle busted on the scene everyone forget about ol’ Danny, but I believe this comeback performance really shows who knows acting. And you can’t tell me Patrick Ewing didn’t have an absolute ball in that “Sweat ‘N Slide” number, you know, the one where they’re at the cookout? Precious.

Second, I don’t appreciate the Village Voice’s Negative Nancy-style review of one of my favorite new plays this season. Take three unknown actors from three different walks of life and put them together and the kneejerkers there call it “abysmal” and “not well thought through.” Well how about you think through this, Mr. Fancy Complaining Know-it-All: When I sat down and watched Rabbi Joseph Rabinowitz, Rev. Tony Jordan, and Muhammed Al-Sabir, I thought they were gold. Pure gold. So I urge all of my readers to please go see, in its final running weekend, “We’ll Walk Into A Bar, Then We’ll Agree to Disagree.”

Star power. You wanna talk star power? How about Will Ferrel, Will Smith, and Willie Nelson in “Aw Hell Naw: A Test of the Wills.” Will Smith is a wont-take-no-for-an-answer street-wise badass with a soft heart and a dark past. But when he is forced to defend a couple of complete strangers from the mob, he finds out that there is a lot more to life than staying fresh: There’s leaving fresh prints.

I would also like to point out that the pseudo docu-play on Pat Robertson’s dog, “Pet Seminary,” got completely shit on by the Post for no reason at all. They did it in ’88 with the Nazi romantic-doc “Bonfire of the Books” and again in ’97 with John Madden’s ultra-avant-garde “My Dinner With Andre Risen,” but I think the Post has really lost it this time. I don’t think that any one of us could name a more touching animal story since “Milo and Otis.” I bet the reviewer was a cat person.

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Christopher Elford

Christopher Elford is a Canadian-born waiter, writer, and comedian who enjoys playing a game called “Drink When You’re Unhappy.” He lives in Richmond, Virginia with his two cats and would love to do stand-up at your next garden or office party.

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