5 Things to Watch

Five films worth streaming on Netflix and Godzilla, which, sure.

May 22, 2014; 6:00 AM • by Ross Catrow

Godzilla may have crushed the box office (literally! (kind of!)), your time would be better spent in front of Netflix this week. Here’s what’s new and worth watching:

Now streaming

Funny Games (1997)

While one of my favorite movies, this is definitely not a movie I would recommend that you watch. That is unless you, like me, enjoy a movie that makes you feel terrible, terrible feelings. If so, have at it! ★★★★★

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

Of course the movie that invented the scary shakycam documentary is worth watching! 15 years later (?!) and it still holds up. ★★★★★★

Monsters (2010)

Gareth Edwards, who directs this year’s Godzilla (see below), collects the following credits in his first film: director, writer, cinematographer, and visual effects artist. Watch it and you’ll be amazed what a talented dude can do with three weeks and $500,000. ★★★★★★

Much Ado About Nothing (2012)

With the driest and cleverest of all filmmakers calling the shots for this adaptation of the bard’s most loved comedy, physical humor and genius timing abounds…but I’m not sure the actors are really cut out for this gig. ★★★★★★

Star Trek: Into Darkness (2013)

I still say we ceded too much power when we gave J. J. Abrams both Star franchises, but whatever. This film is beautiful at times, and at times Kirk punches faces with his fists. Your mileage may vary depending on how much of your life you’ve already invested in boldly going.¹ ★★★★★

In theaters: Godzilla

I could write the perfect Godzilla movie. It would fade in and focus on a slightly bedraggled Ken Watanabe as he reads the following Sun Zu quote:

If your enemy is secure at all points, be prepared for him. If he is in superior strength, evade him. If your opponent is temperamental, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest…Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected.

Then, for the 90 (or more) minutes, two (or more) humongous monsters would battle through a variety of man-made landscapes. Like, what’s so hard about that? But, for some unknowable reason, the creators decided to fill 2014’s Godzilla with “plot” and “humans”–two things I’m against in this particular genre.

Director Gareth Edwards, who did a great job with the independent Monsters (see above), clearly has a ton of talent. There are some strikingly beautiful shots sprinkled throughout the film, but ultimately this movie suffers under a script that’s just plain slow.

• Why you should see this movie: The final 15 minutes are almost worth the other 108.
• Why you shouldn’t: There are 108 really boring minutes to sit through.
• Bechdel Test: Ha! Elizabeth Olsen stars as the only named female character, and she just cares about her man (who should be played Channing Tatum).

New releases

• Blended
• X-Men: Days of Future Past
• Chef

Fasstalkers

In this episode we explore the complex labyrinth of a man known as Tom Cruise. Yeah, an entire hour devoted to Maverick. Will we find our way back or be devoured by the Minotaur / Jack Ryan?

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May 22, 2014 6:00 AM 2