Raising Richmond: At home or the hospital?
As with most issues related to pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting, the decision as to where you choose to have your child is a very personal one. Here two mothers share their very different stories. We hope you’ll share yours, too.
Editor’s note: Today’s feature is the newest installment of our parenting column written by two sets of Richmonders: Jorge and Patience Salgado (veteran parents of four gorgeous children), and Ross and Valerie Catrow (parenting rookies who have only been doing this “raising a child thing” for a little while). Check back fortnightly to watch them discuss/agree/disagree/throw down over all kinds of parenting issues, Richmond-related and beyond.
Today’s topic: As with most issues related to pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting, the decision as to where you choose to have your child is a very personal one. Here two mothers share their very different stories. We hope you’ll share yours, too.
Patience Salgado
I had my first baby in under five hours flat. It was like the kind you see in the movies: dad driving like crazy and you wonder if the mom is gonna drop that baby in the backseat. Except in our case, we were foolishly calm. I spent half my labor wondering if I was actually in labor. After that experience, I figured I was some sort of natural birthing superstar. It was definitely an I-am-woman-hear-me-roar type of thing in my head.
Two years later, that cute boy knocked me up again. After lots of research, we decided to have a home birth that go around. I spent an hour each visit talking, learning, planning with my midwife. My prenatal care was so personal and thorough, it was like birthing for the stars or something. But I realized I didn’t have to be special to receive good care; it was just part of the deal with this midwife.
The little guy was due December 31st. The closer it got, I could feel my husband Jorge watching me like there was a dollar sign tattooed on my belly.
“Do you feel anything? I mean, it’s totally cool and all, but come on tax deduction baby!”
We laughed, knowing in our hearts we were already livin’ on love anyway, not to mention, this baby had lots of surprises for us instead.
Three days crept by and finally, late in the evening, the contractions started. Every five minutes they came, and I was convinced I would have a baby by sunlight. They weren’t very strong, so I sent Jorge to sleep a little and called my sister to come over. We lit about a million tiny votives and sat at the table to do some art. The contractions stalled around daylight, and I was starting to think this might be a whole different experience than the last time. My midwife came, checked me, and broke my water to move the process along. The baby dropped and I was instantly in hard labor.
I paced back and forth — everything was so much bigger, harder, longer than I remembered. The layers of my heart were starting to be peeled back. I was being humbled in a way I never expected. This baby was posterior (sunny side up) coming down in a way that is the hardest to deliver. I thought to myself, “This is why people want drugs, I get it, I get it.”
My midwife skillfully helped me labor in positions to help the baby turn and labor the baby down.
We moved constantly, and I secretly wondered how I ever would have ever been able to do it lying in a bed in the hospital. I knew I was riding on the wisdom of 25 years of knowledge and experience in her head and bones.
It took every once of energy to make it through each round of contractions. I started to weep. I was so broken. Jorge leaned over and whispered very gently in my ear. I still cry today thinking about what he said. It was all I could hear over and over in my head. I decided in that moment, I was the only one who could get that baby out and I was going to do it — I was hella determined.. With Jorge behind me on the birthing stool, over an hour later, Jack came out screaming. It was like he was the only other person on the planet who knew how hard it was. We were instantly bonded, we had just walked that rugged path together: major personal development for me, birth for him.
He never turned; I pushed out a posterior baby with no tearing in record time. It took me a long time to realize how powerful and amazing the experience was. I learned the beauty of vulnerability and that power can come from being completely undone. I now know that in the end, love is the only thing that gets us through and how each of us is truly born.
Valerie Catrow
Throughout my pregnancy, I made plans to get through the delivery with as little medical intervention as possible; epidurals and C-sections completely terrified me, and I just wanted to see if I could do it. I hoped to labor at home as long as possible, only to arrive at the hospital for my OB (who also happens to be the same doctor who delivered me) to do the actual baby-catching.
My due date came and went with no sign of the kid budging — no contractions, barely even a Braxton Hicks, nothing. I was convinced I was going to be pregnant until the end of time. Eventually, my doctor and I agreed on scheduling an induction.
My husband and I arrived at the hospital on a Sunday afternoon. While Ross was off dealing with paperwork, Linda, my (first) nurse, asked me if I had any specific preferences for the labor and delivery. I let her know right away that despite the induction, I really wanted to try and labor without pain medication as long as I could.
My doctor arrived shortly after we did. As soon as I saw him, the emotions bubbled over. He took such good care of me throughout my pregnancy, and I was so excited that he was actually going to be the one to deliver the baby, not a random doctor who happened to be on call that night.
We discussed the plan: first he’d administer a cervical gel to help with dilation (sorry, dudes), and we’d start Pitocin later that night.
The gel was all it took. I went from not being in labor at all to having hard contractions every five minutes just half an hour later. When the first drop of Pitocin went through my IV, I had four-minute contractions right on top of each other, and the baby’s heart rate plummeted to the point where alarms sounded. Linda and I opted to back off the Pitocin and just let things roll along at their own pace.
I labored throughout the night without medication. Although it was painful and not exactly what I planned, I remember that time as being very calm, quiet, and peaceful. Friends stopped by to visit with us, encourage us, and pray with us. Ross and I talked, posted updates on Twitter, and watched The Wizard of Oz which was playing on a loop on TBS. I was managing the pain well with hot showers, walks, and bouncing on an exercise ball. Because I was induced, I was supposed to spend 20 minutes of each hour in bed so the baby and I could be monitored. Being unable to get up and walk around was torture for me. Ross, sensing my frustration, asked our night nurse Christine (Linda had long since gone home) if we could ease up on the monitoring. She was great about it and let me do my thing.
My doctor arrived the next morning to find that, despite about 80,000 16 hours of intense labor, I was only dilated four out of the necessary 10 centimeters. We decided together to order the epidural because one of two things would likely happen: 1) I would be in labor MUCH longer and needed to get some rest for when it came time to push or 2) we would need to do a C-section — the fact that the baby wasn’t dropping and the heart rate kept falling indicated that things could get complicated quickly. The epidural would allow us to avoid a “crash” C-section that could have required me to be completely under for the birth.
A few hours (but absolutely no centimeters) later, my doctor and I agreed on doing a C-section. Nurse Linda (who was back on duty) wheeled us into the operating room within the hour. Fifteen minutes later, a 10-pound, 2 1/2-ounce baby boy was removed from my 5-foot, 3-inch, typically 115-pound body. He was sunny side up, his cord was wrapped securely around his neck, and the top of his head was bruised from his feeble attempts to make his way out “the conventional way.” He was in his daddy’s arms almost immediately after he was born and in mine, nursing away, just minutes after that.
I had hoped for a birth with as little medical intervention as possible, and ended up with pretty much every intervention available. But I don’t like to think about what could have happened if we hadn’t taken those steps, or if we didn’t have such attentive doctors and nurses caring for us. I firmly believe we were where we needed to be, with the people we needed to be with. My child came into the world safely, despite complications, and for that, I owe those people everything.
Now it’s your turn…
Where did you have your babies? What led to that decision and what was the experience like for you?
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Hospital. No question, ever, in either of our minds that we’d go any route except modern medicine, just like we wouldn’t drive without car insurance. You can hope all you want for easy, calm, trouble-free birth, but you can get that just as easily in a hospital as you can at home. Home doesn’t have NICU, blood for transfusion, and a dozen trained medical professionals that can collapse on your room in an emergency.
The access to emergency care appealed to me. Turns out we needed it.
However, I’m sure that midwives in home birth settings are super in tune with what’s going on with their patients and able to act quickly if needed.
My birth experience was horrible. I was not allowed to get up at all. I was in for labor 6 hours on my back before I broke down and got the epidural..and a total of 8 before I had my C-section. I had to fake bathroom visits just so I could get up and move for a minute. I was hooked up to the machines and had 2 rods attached to my son’s scalp trying to monitor his vitals. The stress of not knowing what was wrong with my son and having to endure a labor lying down unable to move was more than I could take. This experience taught me that for my own well being and for that of my unborn son, a hospital experience was vital. However, I have such admiration for those who do a home birth or have a birth with no medical intervention.
Oh, Gianna, it sounds like that was so hard! You’re a champ, mama!
I feel like I should add here that while my birth experience wasn’t what I had planned, the staff that cared for us still made it incredibly special. They let my husband tell me if the baby was a boy or a girl (we opted to not find out) and throughout labor, the nurses seriously acted as if I was the first person to ever have a baby — so much genuine excitement and emotion.
A planned homebirth comes with very few risks. There is a lot of great evidence-based data about home births. There is a lot of data too about the cascade effect of interventions which is part of the reason inductions and c-sections are at an incredible high.
The power of birth stories is incredible. What women can do is amazing.
My first was an unplanned c-section. I was 42+ weeks and I had no labour even with a lot of pitocin. Although it was a very necessary c-section and the OB who performed the surgery was amazing I new I was going to do things differently in the future.
My second was unmedicated in the hospital.
My third was a home birth.
My fourth I chose to leave my home due to conflict in my house. The minute I stepped outside my labour took off and I pushed the baby out within 20 minutes of arriving.
My fifth was a home waterbirth. He was the earliest at 41 wks and 5 days.
I do often wonder how things would have been different had we not induced. But it is what it is. I went into the whole process knowing the risks, and we’re all here, safe and sound.
I wasn’t due until September 26th, but I willed the baby out three weeks early (I was done being pregnant). I had intended on a med-free, intervention-free hospital birth, and had the support of my OB. After 17 hours of hard labor in the hospital (not counting semi-frequent contractions at home), I had finally dialated to 9 centimeters. During that last hour, it appeared that my darling daughter, who was posterior, was trying too hard to get out. The pressure has basically started to swell my cervix shut, and I was back to 4 centimeters. It was determined that I would need a c-section, but it would be almost 10 minutes before they could administer the drugs. Those 10 minutes were easily the worst part of my labor, knowing that I would have to breathe through those contractions, and I wouldn’t get to have the birth experience I envisioned.
BUT, at the end of the day, my daughter arrived healthy and perfect, and that’s what matters. :)
I couldn’t imagine not being in the hospital, with access to emergency care.
I had no doubts that I wanted to give birth in a hospital. My sister needed an emergency C-section because her first baby was in distress, so I felt I needed the resources available if anything went wrong. I planned to stay at home as long as possible and only go to the hospital when absolutely necessary, but leaving enough time that it wasn’t a crazy dash to get there in time.
With my first child, I labored at home from 1am to 6:30pm, and was 3 to 4 cm dilated when I checked into the hospital. Everything slowed down around 6cm, so they started pitocin, and I progressed very slowly throughout the night.
At 7am, the new (wonderful) nurse came on duty and told me it was time to have this baby. After a few tricks, I was at 10cm in just over an hour. My doctor arrived at 8:30am, said she would change clothes and be right back. The nurse told me start pushing, then stopped me when she saw the head, and I held on for three contractions until my doc arrived. She sat down, I pushed two more times, and there was my boy at 8:44am — just about 32 hours after the first contraction.
With my second child, my (new and wonderful) doctor and I decided to induce 4 days before my due date because the baby looked big and she thought I would respond well since I’d already given birth and my body “knew what to do.”
When we checked in for the induction at 9am, I was dilated between 1 and 2 cm and was contracting regularly, but not intensely. My pitocin was adjusted up and down all day because the baby’s heart rate was reacting to it. My (wonderful) nurse checked on us frequently and was determined to see my baby born during her shift.
I made good progress all day, but then stalled out between 5 and 6 cm. About 4:30pm, the heart rate alarms starting going off. My doc knew I didn’t want a C-section, so she said we could wait it out. Then I decided I didn’t want my baby in distress, so we planned to tell my doc we wanted the C-section. Before we could do that, everything went crazy – alarms, nurses everywhere, my doc ran in, and they flipped me back and forth several times (to jar the baby) with no result. My nurse ran back in, razor in her hand, said she had paged the anesthesiologist, and we were rolling to the OR.
They rolled me in at 5:15pm and my baby girl was born at 5:19pm, to several exclamations of “That’s a big baby.” My doc found the cord wrapped snugly around my girl’s neck and that she was too big to make any more progress on her own. My girl was 8 lbs. 4 oz., not huge, but too big for me.
I had always dreamed of a birth experience that would require as little medical intervention as possible. However, early in my pregnancy, we knew that wouldn’t be the case. At 17 weeks, we learned that I had placenta previa – where the placenta covers the cervix. If the cervix begins to dilate, hemorrhage is very likely, and is very dangerous for both mom and baby. Throughout my pregnancy, I received very close monitoring, and we knew from early on that a cesarean birth would be necessary. I had a really difficult time accepting this, as (almost) all of the resources I looked toward to prepare for birth pretty much said that having a cesarean was the worst thing ever for your baby. I found nearly NOTHING empowering or affirming for women who needed to have a cesarean birth. Even though I knew that it was medically necessary, it was still very hard for me to come to terms with, and it took me many months after the birth to find myself at peace with how our daughter entered the world.
Four days before my scheduled cesarean, at 36 weeks, I had a second bleed (the first required a week’s hospital stay and strict bedrest for the remainder of my pregnancy). We drove to the hospital knowing our daughter would be born that day. My doula and amazing friend Nancy came to the hospital to be with us. We were terrified. My placenta covered my entire belly, so we knew that the OB would have to cut through the placenta to get the baby out. There was a good chance that both me or the baby (or both) would need a blood transfusion. (family had donated blood to have on hand, just in case). Here’s who was in the delivery room: an OB, a perinatologist, a team of nurses, an anesthesiologist, a NICU doctor and NICU nurses. And of course, my amazing husband. The delivery went as well as possible. I got to see my daughter briefly before she was rushed to the NICU for a week-long stay. My recovery was difficult and painful and it was totally surreal, being separated from my daughter.
But today, we are all healthy, happy, and thriving. I am happy that so many women are able to have the birth experience that they desire, whether that is at home with a midwife, at a birthing center, in the hospital. If we happen to have another, I certainly hope that I can have a birth with MUCH less intervention. But bottom line, I am eternally grateful for the medical intervention that allowed my daughter to arrive safely in this world (and for my pregnancy with her – though that is another story altogether!).
as i’m currently cuddling my 5 week old daughter, i can’t go in depth and apologize if this is disjointed…
all three of my children were born at home with the same midwife that was with patience for her homebirths (and patience was actually present for this lovely lady’s birth, taking awesome photos! <3)
i think that every woman needs to be able to choose what's right for her and have access to qualified care providers in every setting, and we are lucky to have medical interventions available *when necessary*. i had three amazing births at home, but there was always the possibility that something could have arisen during pregnancy or labor that necessitated moving into the hospital. luckily, as patience points out, our MW has almost a 6th sense from so many years of experience, so that if that were the case it would happen before it was an emergency. some women feel safer in the hospital, but for us home was always the best choice.
Two hospital births, then a homebirth. I grew up with a mom who was also a childbirth educator. She had 5 unmedicated hospital births and I witnessed the last 3. Birth was something I always knew about and talked about, since I was tiny tiny tiny. I knew unmedicated birth was important to me, and succeeded in that with baby #1, but it was an awful experience, my child and I were both violated in some pretty awful ways. I thought perhaps it was just that I birthed at a hospital where the staff wasn’t comfortable with or knowledgeable about natural birth, so I birthed at a different hospital for baby #2. This hospital had a reputation for supporting natural childbirth and I had the benefit of knowing many of the staff personally and having watched the development of their maternity department for over a decade. But again, I was disappointed. It was what most women would probably consider a very nice birth, but it really bothered me how much the staff unnecessarily mucked with the birth experience. When it came down to it, they wanted a woman to birth flat on her back, and they wanted to tell her how to labor and how to push. It bothered me that my own input was ignored. Shouldn’t the laboring woman be considered an expert in the way her own body is working? Shouldn’t she be the primary agent in this event? Shouldn’t the other people present serve as supporters, rather than extractors of an infant? I was DONE with that experience.
For baby #3, I birthed at home with a fantastic certified nurse midwife in attendance. She has more knowledge about women’s bodies and birth than anybody I have ever met. I had done my research and knew that not only was hospital birth safe, but that the outcomes were likely to be *better* for me and my baby. It was by far the best birth experience of the three – my baby and I were able to work together without being told to do things that would physiologically mess with his birth. My midwife supported me in allowing the baby to ease down rather than encouraging the forced/counted pushing that can sometimes cause more harm than good.
The difference in the experience for both my baby and myself was enormous. I wish I had known enough and trusted enough to have a homebirth the first time around. It would have been a healthier start for my babies and for my motherhood.
After two births, I’ve realized that the nurses can make or break a labor experience. I also believe that if I hadn’t held out against some very negative attitudes, I would have wound up with unneccessary interventions.
When I first got pregnant, I decided to try for an unmedicated hospital birth. The OB I had was an older fellow, but he had roughly four decades’ worth of practice under his belt and I’m not sure how impressed he was at my insistence on birth plans and such things. I’ve got a medical background and I don’t scare easily, but all I heard was “You never know what can happen, and this is why you need to do X.”
With my first son, my water broke at 38 weeks, right after my husband left for the dog park. I almost called him right back, but I figured the dog was in for a rough few days and deserved an hour to play. I labored at home for…well, I’m not sure how long, exactly, but it was Sunday, the Redskins played the early game, and I kept having to poke at Dale to get him to write down the contractions. I drank water and had some macaroni and cheese. We finally left for the hospital at around 11pm. When we arrived, my L&D nurse (T’ana) found that I was at 7cm. She’d had little experience with natural childbirth, but she was happy to work with me. She found another nurse who’d worked out-of-state at a hospital where it was more common, and brought her in to show her some of the supportive tricks. It took me about another 90 minutes to fully dilate. At that point, the on-call OB marched in and started arguing with me about epidurals, my opinion of which was clearly spelled out in my birth plan. Anyone who starts an argument with a woman in transitional labor can deservedly be labeled an ass, so I tuned him out. He didn’t really do anything but preside over the arrival of my son, and my mom (who was there) is pretty sure his insistence that I ignore the feelings I was reporting and push anyway led to the tearing I ended up with. After he left, it all went back to peace and light until they kicked us out of the nice labor/delivery/postpartum room for a regular hospital room because we were “doing so well.” I was in labor for twelve hours and we stayed at JW for about 24 hours, and went home exhausted.
Between children, I quit my original practice when they fired their midwives as a “business decision.” Bite me, Virginia Physicians for Women. I didn’t find another practice until I was pregnant for the second time (which I do not recommend, as that’s taking procrastination to excessive levels, even for me). I had my second baby right in the gap where there was no midwifery in central Virginia, so I had OB care again. It wound up not really mattering, though, because I had fill-ins both times.
With my second son, I went right slam up to my due date (NOTE: NOT FUNNY.). Earlier that evening, I was in the bathtub wallowing like a hippo at the waterhole when I heard a THUD pause WAIL from the next room, accompanied by frantic footsteps. We’d switched our firstborn to a daybed in preparation for his brother’s arrival, and installed a flip-up side rail to keep him in it. The dresser/mirror combination across the room was proving an irresistible temptation to stand up and goof around for his own entertainment, and we’d warned him repeatedly to keep his butt in the bed. That night he found out why, and my husband appeared in the door of the bathroom with a wailing, blood-covered toddler. Fortunately, the bridge of his nose took the brunt of the impact. I called my mother and told her what had happened: “..You know, on the off chance that we have to call you to pick him up tonight – Ha! Ha! – you won’t have to wonder why he looks like he lost a street fight.”
11:15pm. Husband, asleep. Me: lying wide awake next to him, thinking, “You have got to be f*cking kidding me.”
Midnight: Called my parents to collect the street brawler.
Midnight-thirty: Arrived at St Francis. I knew I wasn’t that far along in labor yet, but I was tired, I’d already had enough drama for one day, and I knew I was just getting started; I wanted to REST. The nurse met us at L&D, ushered us into the room, and handed me a gown.
Me: “Did she introduce herself? What’s her name?”
Him: “Nope. Dunno.”
The nurse swept in, announced that she was ready to check me, and was obviously taken aback when I said, “Sorry, I’m not ready yet.” I explained what had happened earlier that evening and that I wouldn’t yet be there otherwise. She asked if my water had broken, and I said “…maybe?” She said, “Well, at LEAST let me check THAT.” It hadn’t broken. I’m not sure exactly what went through Becca’s head at that point, but she immediately started treating me like an idiot. I was there on my DUE DATE and didn’t know whether my WATER had broken and I wASN’T YELLING, ergo I must be thinking wishfully. She got the big ol’ industrial plastic jug full of ice water and told me to start drinking it, because they’d be sending me home in a few hours (a direct quote, and keep in mind that she had no objective information about the state of my cervix). After an hour of this nonsense, I was ready to let her check me, and I was at 7cm. How about THAT, Becca? Her attitude changed then, but you know, it really didn’t help. I’d spent an endless hour feeling doubtful about my own body, which had already done this once before, because an arrogant little blonde nurse doubted *me*. I went from 7cm to fully-dilated within an hour. In the middle of hard labor I decided I wanted to squat, and I remember the nursing staff scrambling to get the foot of the bed out of the way and throw some linens on the floor to catch the goo. It’s a good thing the on-call OB was short. Afterwards, while they changed the bed and mopped the floor, I took a shower and scrubbed the gore off my toes. When I got settled into the bed with my son, Becca came in and said, “I’ve never seen anyone give birth like that before.” What I really wanted to say was “And you won’t see many with that attitude,” but I didn’t. I was thoroughly unhappy with the St Francis staff by then, and the only people I let touch me from then until we left a few hours later was the nursing-school instructor and her students. From the moment I thought “Oh, crap,” to birth was about four hours, and I was home within twelve.
All the nurses that were there for my births told me they’d never seen anything like it. So does my mom. I have a high pain tolerance. I don’t make any noise to speak of during labor, but it hurts. I’m grabbing the rail because I am concentrating on keeping control of myself and visualizing what’s going on inside my body, and I don’t need you sticking a bendy straw in my face and telling me that I’ll be going home soon. IT HURTS. YOU ARE NOT HELPING. GO AWAY.
A few weeks later, I was nursing my son on the front porch swing when some unfortunate customer service rep called me to ask how my experience with St. Francis had been; I kept her on the phone for 45 minutes.
If I ever have another child, it will be born at home unless something really goes sideways. I don’t think the medical establishment is intrinsically evil and I am happy to avail myself of technology, but there is a very old-school “holier than thou” attitude that has nothing to do with science. I only hope my sideshow-freak births served to open some minds.
2 hospital births with limited intervention and no pain meds (with the support of doulas/midwife) and 1 home water birth that was incredible. There’s nothing better than climbing into your own bed after having a baby :-) I think its a common misconception that home birth means no medical care. On the contrary, the midwife brings quite a bit of medical supplies with her including oxygen and medications ~ but more importantly she brings her experience to trust the normal birth process. We are so lucky in Richmond to have the option to home birth (particularly with my amazing midwife!).
Jennifer, you are totally right about the nurses making or breaking it in some cases. I was really lucky with the nurses I had both during labor and after I had my son. It’s good you were so upfront with them, too.
Perhaps my OB is not typical, too. He’s been practicing for 30 years, but I felt he was totally open to whatever I wanted to do. I never felt forced into any decisions — it seemed like a completely collaborative process. I told him what I wanted to do, what I didn’t want to do, and we went from there.
I have never understood why anyone would willing put themselves in pain when there are epidurals. But that’s just me. I was premed in college and then spent several years as a drug rep before staying home with my kids. I guess I’m just pro-medicine.
I was induced with my daughter, as she was 5 days late and we knew she was going to be big. (My brother, sister and I were all over 9lbs and my husband was a 6lb 5oz twin.) I went in at 6am and 3cm and got my Pitocin. Things went pretty smoothly, until they broke my water at noon and I asked for the epidural. My blood pressure (normally very low) dropped significantly and it took not 1 or 2, but 5 shots of ephedrine and a lot of time on my left side to get my heart rate and pressure back up. From there, it was a slow progression. At 9PM I felt like pushing. After an hour, we figured out the baby was coming sunny side up and the nurse had the brilliant idea to try and turn her by putting me upside down at a 45 degree angle and told me not to push. That 10 minutes was the worst pain I’ve ever had in my life!
Two and a half hours later, I was out of steam and my baby was pretty much ripped from me. Because of all the tearing (and cutting), there was a lot of concern for my safety. It’s all fuzzy in my mind, but I remember the doctor shouting lots of orders and a lot of nurses tending to me. Basically, had I not been in a hospital, I could have bled to death. My daughter turned out fine, but she did have a broken clavicle from the trauma. We were also right on the “big” part as she was 9lbs 9oz and 22inches.
After all the horror we went through the first time, I was induced a week early with my second. I was only dilated 2cm when we went in, so I got the foley and the pitocin at the same time. An hour later, I was almost at 4cm and the foley had fallen out. Things continued to progress and my water was broken around 11. I breathed through a few contractions and promptly called for my epidural at noon. Given everything I went through last time I was a little nervous, but it went smoothly and I was numb in just a short time. I relaxed and watched TV until 4:45 and I started to get uncomfortable. By 5:30 I was ready to push, and 19 minutes later I had a beautiful, healthy boy on my chest. (My husband even got to cut the cord, something we’d missed out on last time!) My son was not as big as his sister, but still a healthy 8lbs 8oz.
After my first born, I had a difficult recovery. I couldn’t really walk or move to well for a week. After my second, I was up and moving in a matter of hours. They were the tale of two births, but never did I consider for a second doing anything at home or without medication. If there is a third baby in my future, I can only hope things go as smoothly as they did for my son. (I will absolutely go for another induction. I was terrified of going into labor on my own, and I’m kind of a control freak who likes things scheduled, not spontaneous.)
Both birth stories, and my anxiety over the second, are up at my blog: http://carolineinthetriangle.blogpsot.com)
I’d love to home birth… I just need someone else’s home! lol.
Maybe someday Richmond will get a birthing center? Mine is too small and cluttered to be anything more than stressful! But I hate giving birth in the hospital where I not only have to concentrate on birthing, but have to be so vigilant about getting the kind of birth I want. I want to be supported, not told to do various interventions for convenience of the on-call doc. I want to eat, or at least drink – not be starved for 16 freakin’ hours with an IV that keeps my body hydrated and nourished but does nothing for the hunger and makes my fingers swollen and itchy. I don’t like having to pretend I’m asleep, so that the nurse won’t make me lay on my back for fetal monitoring for their cya records. I don’t like that the ob agrees there is no need to induce until two weeks after the due date, but schedules the ‘just in case’ induction a full week before that because she does surgeries on this day, and has off that weekend, and blah blah blah. I don’t want an induction, because once you put the doctors in control instead of your body, well, the doctors are in control, instead of your body. You’ve started a process that now needs to be completed, ready or not.
I want to give birth to my baby, and not have her ripped away from me for routine stuff because, even though they said they could do it in the room with me, the baby was born at shift change and they just couldn’t manage it. I don’t like my perfectly healthy postpartum self being separated for TWO-AND-A-HALF HOURS from my perfectly healthy newborn because I need to be wheeled to a different room, and they just haven’t gotten around to bringing her to me. I don’t like not having dinner after being starved during labor all day, because I had the misfortune of delivering during dinner and not being settled into a regular room until after the kitchen closed. I don’t like being told I need to leave the light on all night and can’t sleep with my child – that she needs to be wrapped up and put in a separate box. I don’t like standing at the nursery window and watching my baby scream while some lady who’s trying to give her a hearing test just ends up getting frustrated and upset with my crying baby.
I do like the restricted access, the nether-parts ice pack pads, the nurses to check that things are healing properly, the pediatricians that come to you, the staff that comes in and changes the blood stained sheets and trash, the food that miraculously appears (at the designated meal times, of course), and the one stop SS registration.
And on a different note, I also wish I could see the beloved homebirth midwife without having to have Dr. Partial-birth Abortion as my medical back-up.
@charbarkin~ my first was born at home in an 800 sq ft townhouse apt… although we actually never left the bedroom. you don’t need a lot of space to have an awesome homebirth. and my house has never been cleaner than in the weeks leading up to each of my homebirths. talk about incentive for nesting and decluttering! ;-)
and as for your last statement, there is a second homebirth practice in town who has different backup MDs, so there is always that option for people who have issues with that doc but want homebirth.
My water broke at 5:00pm the day before my due date. I couldn’t believe it, I never in a million years thought my child would come on his due date. My husband rushed upstairs for a showwe and I called my midwife and told her and she said,”Call back when you start to have contractions.” So, I called my sister (who by the way is the best L&D nurse ever)! She rushed right over. Little did any of us know my water only broke because of the position of my lil man. So, Friday became Saturday and Saturday became Sunday. Saturday I had taking “The birth drink” and still no labor. Sorry Leslie for messing up your stats. Sunday at 9:00 am we finally end up in the hospital on a full pit drip and nothing happened by 7 pm. So, off the Pit I go to eat a yummy dinner. I had opted to take some Ambien and rest. The Ambien hit my system about 30 minutes later and BOOOM!!!!! Labor started and every 5 minutes I was having contractions. Within 4 and 1/2 hours my little man was born into this world weighing 7 lb. 11 oz.!
I tell people it was a natural delivery, but 10 mg of Ambien isn’t so natural. I cannot say enough about the care I received though. My midwife stayed the entire night at the hospital to deliver my little man at 3:38am and she talked me through my labor. Sara (my nurse and friend of my sister), my husband and my sister were all so wonderful and supportive! I couldn’t have done it without them. I love you guys : )
I do hope that if my husband will bless me with one more, that we will be able to have a natural home birth! I am thankful everything turned out well the first time, but I am willing to pay a midwife to come to my house and be there by my side helping me to work with my body to do the work that my body is supposed to do!!!
I find it really quite interesting that so many of you swear by hospitals and were so glad they were there to save the day when it seems many of the complications that arose were probably the result of needless intervention. Most of these circumstances you are talking about are much less likely in natural non-induced birth. I don’t get it.
It’s an interesting point, Emily. And I know a lot of evidence exists to support what you’re saying.
For those of us who opted for a hospital birth, we can never know exactly how it would have gone if we would have birthed at home. Likewise, those who opted for home births can never know exactly how it would have gone if they had birthed in a hospital.
I think what we all need to take away from this is how important it is to make yourself aware of your options and choose what you’re most comfortable with. I personally know I would not have been comfortable giving birth at home, but that’s just me. For others, if that’s what they want to do, more power to them.
Well said, Valerie. Women need to be more informed and involved in the decisions made during birth, wherever it takes place.
I, too, wonder why someone would not take advantage of an epidural. I had one during my very easy, very fast labor with my daughter. The pain wasn’t bad, but after the epidural I had the most peaceful, tranquil birthing experience. It was so relaxing. I could have had a cup of tea while I was pushing, that’s how easy it was. Why anyone would want to scream, sweat and suffer during the birth of their child is beyond me. But to each his own. Now with my 2nd child I had to have a C-section because she was breech. The recovery sucked, but what was I gonna do?
As far as having the baby at home, there’s no way in hell I’d do that. The small chance of something going horribly wrong with the baby is not worth the risk. I think having a birth with a mid-wife, but in a hospital is a good compromise. Somewhere like St. Francis that is designed for more natural birthing experiences, but also near life-saving medical equipment and professionals.
@Melissa:
I didn’t scream and yell, and I got up on my perfectly-functional legs and took a shower immediately after my second son was born. I also felt there was some benefit for me in that I could feel exactly what it was I was trying to accomplish, and avoided some of the trauma that can occur.
My sister had an epidural with her first and wanted one with her second, but didn’t get one. She said that by the time they were ready to give her the epidural, the pain was about as bad as it gets anyway. That’s saying a lot, coming from my sister.
@jennifer
I think you’re the exception, not the rule. I think if you took a poll in a hosptial most nurses would tell you that unmedicated women yell and scream a lot. And who cares if your legs were perfectly functional? Were you going to run a marathon immediately afterwards or something? Why are women who have babies without epidurals so smug? It’s annoying.
Unmedicated women scream and yell if they want an epidural. Usually, if they are planning an unmedicated birth, they have prepared for it and use other methods to control the pain. What’s wrong with yelling, though? Here’s how I see it. It’s somewhat like running a marathon. Marathons are really hard and usually painful. Finishing a marathon, for many people, would not be the same if you were being carried by someone else or just drove a car through the finish line. It’s partly the hard work and pain that makes it that much sweeter. Not everyone likes running marathons. There are many who would rather be carried, lol. Whatever, to each his own. I had an epidural with my first and not with my second. I can tell you, I will never get an epidural again. I was so much more aware and felt SO MUCH BETTER after. I felt like a wreck after my epidural birth. Plus, I had to push for almost 3 hours with epi and only 5 mins without. Talk about ineffective pushing!
It’s not that we are trying to be smug. When you discover something wonderful and amazing, you want to share it. You can’t understand why anyone would want to miss out on this amazing experience. That’s all. Don’t knock it till you try it!
Birth brings out so much in us….and whether we realize it or not, it is a pretty powerful experience however it all unfolds.
I think the biggest misconception is the medical safety of homebirth, and surprisingly, we have a pretty medically conservative homebirth culture here in RVA. The most popular certified nurse midwife here in town has strong connections and ties to the medical community.
She often reminded me that a homebirth was not a gurantee with her, if we needed to go to the hospital, we would.
I don’t feel brave or foolish for choosing that path, after the level of care I received, I felt like we made the very best decision for us. I really know and understand that might not a different decision for each person, but I am extremely grateful to have the choice.
Thanks everyone for sharing so much of yourselves, it always makes our column and community rich.
I was really torn between having my baby at home or in the hospital. Ultimately, we decided to deliver in the hospital for this birth. I work as a labor and delivery nurse where I delivered, and I knew that I would be able to have minimal medical intervention unless there were unforeseen issues.
My husband and I could not have been more in love with the labor and birth of our sweet little girl. We stayed at home as long as possible (which ended up only being a couple hours…three cheers for fast labor haha). When we arrived to the hospital, I was 5 cm, and after a quick listen to our baby, I was in the shower. My husband was at my side, supporting me and encouraging me, as was my incredible nurse (and dear friend!), Stacie. I next got in the tub and was there for the remainder of my labor. I was never hooked up to any belts or IV line, never made to lie flat in the bed, and never rushed. After about an hour, it was time to push. I pushed in the positions that felt right to me, and no one counted or yelled at me to push. My support staff (husband, nurse Stacie, and incredible physician) were at my side encouraging me the entire time and “guarding my nest.” Our sweet girl was born and placed right up on my chest, and she was never once taken away from me throughout our stay in the hospital.
We were so thankful for our daughter’s safe and serene arrival and wouldn’t have changed a thing. I am definitely open to a home birth for our next child, although I would be completely happy delivering in a hospital again as long as I knew it was a place that would support me in my wishes for my birth. As a labor and delivery nurse, I know firsthand how important it is to 1) be educated on your birth options and wishes before you deliver and 2) choose the right provider who will support these wishes. This looks different for every person, which is the beauty of the wonderful options we have available to us as birthing women in this community.
@ Emily—as an L&D nurse that fully supports homebirth, I believe that the choice is a personal one (& often insurance/$ are the decision makers). Most babies can safely be born at home. Even labor and birth w/o intervention can go south once in a while. Sometimes, we do have to jump in to save the day, legitimately. B/c we have an incredibly wise & conservative homebirth culture in Richmond, those midwives sometimes choose the hospital as the safest place for their client’s labor and delivery. The real problem here is a huge lack of education among childbearing women as to the fact they have a choice. Me, my sister, & many of my friends and patients have had beautiful, wonderful hospital births that were completely non interventional.
@ Melissa, epidurals can cause a lot of problems. They can also be a wonderful thing. But my naturally laboring women don’t scream, they moan. And we don’t chose natural labor because we think we’re better or stronger than anyone else. We choose it b/c we know that it’s the safest way for our babies and for ourselves. I’ve been called brave, crazy, strong. I’m none of those (maybe a lil crazy), I just was fortunate enough to know the evidence and to have the support I needed to give birth w/o drugs.
@ Kiley and Kristen…I’m very happy hat you are both at peace and happy with your birth stories. It was truly an honor to watch and support you as you worked through your labor’s and birth’s. It’s primal, it’s normal and you girls can do ANTHING you put your mind to. I ran 13.1 miles today. I thought of you two, myself, and all women I’ve helped in labor as I trudged through one mile at a time. It’s hard & sometimes long, but it’s real, and it’s important for us as women who take care of ourselves to have confidence in ourselves and our bodies.
That sounds great, Kiley! Would that be called a ‘workbirth’? lol. May I ask where you had such an experience? Do you think part of the respect you were afforded was due to being an insider? Or do you think anyone can get that experience?
I had a wonderfully supportive nurse… until shift change. Then I felt like I was dropped off a cliff. I have a provider who supported my wishes… until her 24hr on call shift ended, and I got whoever was on call next for the practice (who I’d never even met). My labor that had started so wonderfully supported, had the rug pulled out from under it, just when that support was so very needed. There was no nest guarding going on… just lots of folks yelling at me. (Not in a mean way, but, you know, not anything close to what you’ve described!)
@charbatkin:
I’m so sorry that your birth did not go as smoothly as you had wished! I know that must have been so discouraging to have had support from your providers and then be “dropped off a cliff” at shift-change. The hospital system is definitely not perfect in this area, because as many have mentioned, so much of your birth experience is dependent on your care providers (nurses, doctors, midwives, etc). While doing your research to choose your OB/midwife can enable you to find the provider who will respect your wishes, as you say, the reality is that they may not actually be present for the birth. I think this is where your being educated on your desires for your birth really comes into play, as well as knowing what the policies/procedures are in the place you deliver (i.e. if you really want intermittent monitoring but that is not widely supported there, you may want to consider another place to deliver,etc).
One advantage to delivering with a midwife practice is that most likely, any of them will be supportive of your desires for your birth (this way, you get the same care regardless of who is on call). I chose to deliver with a physician, but I knew from working closely with them that they truly were supportive of non-interventional birth.
Did I get the birth I wanted because I was an “insider”? Certainly, working where I delivered had many advantages, such as knowing the staff and feeling truly at “home” in the hospital. And yes, I did not have any anxiety about not being able to birth as I chose because I knew exactly how birth is “done” there, so to speak. However, I can tell you that I have had the honor to be a part of many, many natural births at my hospital, and I am proud of the options that women can receive there.
Of course, not every provider is of the same mind in this area, but not every woman coming to birth her baby on our unit is of the same mind either. Again, I go back to the “know your wishes/know your provider” rule…knowledge is power!!
@Kiley-
that does sound like a perfect hospital (well, anyplace) birth, and if they were all like that it would be ideal. The consistent support totally makes it.
@Melissa: When I see someone I *know* wanted the same kind of birth and were unable to have them, I certainly don’t begrudge them the medical care they got. I don’t care to be lectured on my decision by anyone who’s never even considered an intervention-free childbirth. I thought it was great that I wasn’t stuck in the bed afterwards, actually. I scrubbed off my own toes and put on my own clothes.
I went to a baby shower where there was an L&D nurse present, and she held court with all these primapara women on her opinion of how childbirth should be. I wanted to dump punch on her head.