Haunted houses, trails, hayrides, theme parks, and scream parks

Yesterday we covered the cheerful hayrides. Today we’re cheerfully sending you into THE DEEP, DARK, DERANGED places.

Photo by Garry Knight.

What a weird holiday! (For the less terrifying stuff, check out the 2015 Pumpkin Patch and Hayride Roundup.)

Creepy Hollow Scream Forest

Creepy Hollow used to put on a hayride that was actually a whole lot of fun. This year, it’s a whole scream PARK. You can walk through the terrifying forest (the one you used to ride on a wagon through), and if you come out alive, you can roll the dice again at Bedlam House. Does Bedlam House have a Bedlam Bedroom? Because that’s fun to say.

  • Thursdays through Sundays in October • Gates open at 7:00 PM and close around 11:00 PM
  • 14435 Stone Horse Creek Road, Glen Allen
  • $17 (pay $10 extra to get bumped to the front of the line) (I do not think you will need that extra bump, though, I think you will be fine…until you are dead, that is)

Haunted Evenings at Ashland Berry Farm

Thought the ABF was just for pumpkin and face-painting, huh? WELL THINK AGAIN. Actually yes, there is a lot of face-painting involved, but the gory kind that will scare the bejeezus out of you when said face appears in front of you, unbidden, in the darkness. There’s Psych Ward 5 (guys, are we going to drop the whole “mental illness is scary” thing at some point?), Mystery Manor, Horror Inn (why would you EVER stay there), and, what would surely be my three-year-old’s favorite, Booger Woods. MOM DID YOU JUST SAY BOOGER IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING DO WE TALK ABOUT BOOGERS NOW BECAUSE I WOULD REALLY REALLY LIKE TO TALK ABOUT BOOGERS AND NOTHING ELSE I AM VERY EXCITED AUUUUGHHH THAT MAN IS SPURTING BLOOD FROM HIS NECK WHAT HAVE YOU BROUGHT ME TO TAKE ME BACK TO THE HAYRIDE PLACE.

Bonus: You can tag #ashlandberryfarm on Instagram and end up on a billboard!

  • Thursdays through Sundays in October • Gates open at 7:00 PM and close around 11:00 PM (10:00 PM on Sundays)
  • Ashland Berry Farm, 12607 Old Ridge Road, Beaverdam
  • $30 for all four haunts or $10 a la carte (except Booger Woods, which costs $20, probably because even just the thought of it is entertaining)

Blood Lake Haunted Trail

“Dad, did that sign just say ‘Blood Lake’? Are we sure this vacation is a good idea? Dad? DAD!”

Blood Lake is probably not a good place to camp, guys. For one, it’s really hard to swim in blood. It’s really thick. But for real, though, Blood Lake Scream Complex has a “SHRIEK-nado” and there’s just simply no way I can do any better than the copy on their website, which I shall relate below:

The clouds over Windy Hill Sports Complex are darkening. The wind is beginning to howl as it spins over Blood Lake. The ghosts, ghouls and zombies are being sucked up into the funnel! They’re being hurled everywhere…and they look mad!

Followed by:

Shriek-Nado is an outdoor haunted walking trail through the woods. Children under 9 are not admitted.

I find this so intriguing! How can you tell if a zombie is mad? Were the ghosts, like, windsurfing on Blood Lake? What even IS a ghoul, anyway? And most befuddlingly, how do they possibly pull this off with real humans and actors and laws of physics?

You’ll also get access to B.T. Harmem’s Cirque du Psycho and Z-Alamo, which is “an Airsoft zombie target range.”

  • Open Fridays and Saturdays through October • 7:30 – 11:00 PM
  • Windy Hill, 16500 Midlothian Turnpike
  • $9 for one attraction, $15 for two, $19 for three (kids are $7, $13, and $16, respectively)

Howl-o-Scream at Busch Gardens

I wish we could all agree to dial it back a little on spooky puns.

BG’s big Halloween bash is rife with haunted houses, including this new one: Unearthed–Scarlett’s Revenge. It’s by the producer of The Blair Witch Project, y’all!

  • Fridays through Sundays, through November 1st • Park opens at 10:00 AM, terror begins at 6:00 PM, which is really good to know.
  • Busch Gardens, 1 Busch Gardens Boulevard, Williamsburg
  • Various prices, but basically about $77 (this includes the park and rides and stuff, obviously)

Kings Dominion Halloween Haunt

Oh great, just great. The spooky clowns are back. Go away, spooky clowns! Literally nobody likes you! We barely like regular clowns! No, no, put that cleaver down, please. That didn’t come out right. Ew, why are your teeth so black? Is it weird to be so evil but have to put on such huge hilarious shoes in the morning?

  • Fridays through Sundays through October 31st • Haunt begins at 7:00 PM
  • Kings Dominion, 16000 Theme Park Way
  • Tickets start at $39

Total Terror Scream Park

Chesterfield Berry Farm isn’t all fun and games. It’s also a terrifying place! They’ve got the insane asylum thing, the “shoot a zombie” thing (with paintball this time), “Coulrophobia” (I have no idea what that means but it appears to have something to do with…being afraid of “couls.”) Then there’s a walk in the haunted woods and a corn maze! Now that I am into! Being lost in a maze while a creepy thing stalks you? That is a sure way to push my fear button!

  • Fridays and Saturdays through October 31st • 7:00 – 11:00 PM
  • Chesterfield Berry Farm, 26002 Pear Orchard Road
  • $30
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Susan Howson

Susan Howson is managing editor for this very website. She writes THE BEST bios.

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