Worst and Best – Phase 3: Argue About the Results

Enjoy, Richmond Internets. You nominated, you voted, you commented, I stayed up late compiling data. We literally could not have done it without you. Or me.

Enjoy, Richmond Internets. You nominated, you voted, you commented, I stayed up late compiling data. We literally could not have done it without you. Or me.

For a recap of the process, check out:
Phase 1 – The Nomz
Phase 2 – The Poll


New Restaurant:
Best – Kitchen 64 (second place: Lulu’s) There were so many nominated for this category that I feel duty bound to report that Richmond has a lot of good new restaurants.
Worst – De Lux (second place: Sushi Ninja). There were so many nominated for this category that I feel duty bound to report that Richmond has a lot of terrible new restaurants.

Overall restaurant:
Best – Ipanema Cafe and Edo’s Squid (tie) (second place: Can Can and Kuba Kuba) There were tons of nominations though, so that bodes well for us all. So many that someone asked us why we didn’t put them in alphabetical order. The answer, of course, is that we put these together in a burst of painstaking laziness. The proprietor of Ipanema wins the award for actually knowing about this list before it came out and asking excitedly if they’d won anything.
Worst – BlackFinn (second place: Can Can) Dammit, we let a chain through, whoops. So we’ll award Can Can an honorary first – or is it last? As one responder put it, “Froofy. Bad food. And suburbanites that try to run over scooter kids in their Mercedes. That about sums it up.”

Best – Crossoads (second place: Captain Buzzy’s Beanery) A responder commented, “Richmond really does spoil its coffee drinkers with a huge selection of great coffee shops. It’s hard to select a favorite, but Crossroads gets it for me because of their coffee, ice cream, breakfast, environment, location, etc. etc.”
Worst – Can Can (second place: Common Groundz) For some reason, things people say about Can Can are always the most hilarious: “Give me real coffee, Pierre!”

Super casual dinner:
Best – 821 Cafe (second place: Kuba Kuba and Ipanema) One commenter wrote, “So hard!” because, I imagine, it is hard not to exclaim in delight on your way home “I just ate a crap-ton of food yet I still have money to go buy a crap ton of stuff.”
Worst – The Eatery (second place: Baja Bean) Yet it still exists, so SOMEBODY must be eating there.

Fancy dinner:
Best – Edo’s Squid by a mile (second place: Millie’s) I’m headed there right now, so this has leveled up my excitement, which will in turn get me through the miserable hour-long wait that is inevitable. Load me up with wine, Edo’s! I will wait forever!
Worst – Tobacco Company by a bigger mile (second place: Bank) but the results were limited. As someone put it, “I still can’t afford to vote for the worst of the best.”

Best – This category was ridiculous, it turns out. Perly’s and Copolla’s tied for first, but the voting was so spread out over a million places that it hardly even counts. However, Perly’s generated a comment like this, so you make the call, “Sweet sweet Perly’s. Saw a clown there one time as I was coming out of the bathroom after a post-hangover purge. Good times n’ great eats.”
Worst – Nacho Mama’s (second place: Ukrop’s) Poor Ukrop’s! Here’s one comment: “Rather just avoid the crowd of rich stay-at-home-moms and their bratty kids (yeah, you know who are are!).” (Psst, it’s hilarious that you think they are reading this.)

Best – Millie’s (second place: 821 Cafe) Good thing somebody noticed that we’ve “got Millie’s on there twice.” Thanks for the heads up. Luckily I brought my calculator and was able to make a simple mathematical equation adding a million to a million. Here are the fantastic things about Millie’s: Ben-Gurion is the most delicious thing I have ever tasted, mimosas are almost put in front of you before you even order them, and I live within walking distance so I can come and meet you. Perfection!
Worst – 3rd Street (second place: Tobacco Company) Can I say a thing? Someone needs to point me towards a brunch place that, although I do love some hollandaise, offers some interesting healthy options. Can I get some fruit and granola? Is that too crazy? I mean, I can put hot sauce on it if that makes you feel better.


Farmer’s Market:
Best – 17th Street (second place: Forest Hill)
Worst – 17th Street (second place: Byrd House) Le sigh.
Another category that is indicative of nothing. It turns out everyone is fickle and prizes different things about farmer’s markets. I think next year we will just keep it to “best overall restaurant” and “grossest Richmonder.” How’s that?

Best – Short Pump (second place: Stony Point)
Worst – Willow Lawn (second place: Short Pump)
The mall category gets pretty interesting, actually. Because half the comments are like, “Malls are evil” and half of them are like, “Here is everything that is amazing about Stony Point.”

Beer store:
Best – River City Cellars (close second place: Wine and Beer Westpark) But I should mention that Wine and Beer Westpark got some of the gushiest comments. Sounds like the biggest criterion for this category and the one below is “Doesn’t make me feel like a huge dunce.”

Wine store:
Best – River City Cellars (second place: Wine and Beer Westpark)
See above.

Best – Need Supply Co. (second place: Diversity Thrift)
Worst – Glass & Powder (second place: Pink) It is hilarious to me that 50 people voted ol’ Glass & Powder as the worst clothier. Best comment (about Pink) “I like spending $600 on a bag. Except I’m a dude and I’m not an idiot. Who goes here?” One time I went in there and walked around in a stupor. One of the staff complimented my ($6) earrings, and all I could think to do was stop dead in my tracks, drop my bag on the ground, put my hands up to my ears, and sputter, “But they’re plastic!” I swear I almost ripped them out and gave them to her out of pure fear.

Best – Chop Suey in a landslide victory (second place: Black Swan)

Best – Nesbit (second place: Pine Street Barbershop)
Worst – Nesbit (second place: Legends)
These were scattered results as well, and the big list resulted in this comment: “Hands down the ‘best list of awkward business names.'”


Place to live when you are single:
Best – The Fan (second place: Shockoe Bottom)
Worst – Midlothian (second place: Short Pump)
You know, that’s true. I lived in Midlothian during my very single middle school years, and no shit ever went down that was worth sneaking out of my parents’ house, I’ll tell you that much right now!

Place to settle down:
Best – Northside (second place: Near West End)
Worst – Short Pump (second place: Shockoe Bottom)
The second place results were really scattered for best, but the worst kinda surprises me. A whole lot of people are very happily settled down in the Far West End. I mean, I assume they are since we never see them.

Place to take a walk:
Best – Maymont (second place: Hollywood Cemetery IF YOU ARE A GHOST OF A PRESIDENT!)
Worst – Short Pump Town Center (second place: Broad St.)
Regarding Maymont: “You can’t see a buffalo/bison at any of those other places. Psshhh.” While that is true, this was another huge list of scattered results, proving once again that we have many wonderful places to take a walk. Unless you’re walking ON Broad Street IN Short Pump. Double whammy!

Best – Maymont (triple tie for second: Byrd, Bryan, Lewis Ginter)
Worst – Monroe (second place: Chimborazo)
WTF! Chimbo as second for worst? I mean I guess it doesn’t have baby unicorns and magical gardens like Maymont, but I feel that it is a pretty neat place.

Best – Belle Isle (second place: Brown’s Island)
Worst – Vauxhall aka Hobo Island (close second: Mayo Island)
Aw, I have fond memories of the Mayo Island Music Festival, where I got a T-shirt autographed by They Might Be Giants and got to sit next to G. Love while I sold Squirrel Nut Zippers CDs. I write letters to the 90s every night begging them to come back.

Place to get into the James:
Best – Pony Pasture (second place: Belle Isle)
Worst – Pump House (second place: Great Shiplock Park)
Clear winner for best comment ever is the following regarding the Pony Pasture (edited by yours truly): “At least where the foam is….Also I’ve never been able to get over the time I saw two couples side by side <several words redacted> on a rock … it changed me.”


Local Band:
Best – Carbon Leaf (second place: Denali)
Worst – Carbon Leaf by a lot more votes (second place: Prabir and the Substitutes)
Again, in retrospect, this category is so pointless. Musical tastes vary wildly, the results were thinly spread, and everyone just put other bands that weren’t on the list in the comments. Although, I am filling up with pride a little that my spouse’s band placed second (yes, I do sell Maura’s digits for $20 a pop – email me and we’ll talk) (Maura: just kidding!!) (Dudes: Totally not kidding, email me!!).

Venue for, like, rock stuff:
Best – The National (second place: Toad’s Place)
Worst – Innsbrook (second place: Alley Katz)
No one cares enough about venues, it seems, to leave us good comments except that to tell us that we listed Toad’s Place twice. But remember last year when none of this stuff existed yet, and everyone just complained and complained?? Look what you have done for us, National and Toad’s Place! Just look!

Venue for proper grown up events:
Best – The National (second place: Virginia Museum of Fine Arts)
Worst – Innsbrook (second place: Richmond Convention Center)
Poor Innsbrook. As someone said, “I go to the West End even less often than I go to grown up events.”

Best – Greek (second place: Folk)
Worst – Y101’s Rock the Bottom (second place: Slaughterama)
Oh man, did you just hear the collective crunch of a thousand cans of Coors Light and PBR being smashed into the foreheads of angry Y101 fans/biking enthusiasts, who will now shelve their differences and combine forces to stage the scariest assault ever on the unlucky, peaceful lambs attending the Greek and Folk festivals? Quick, somebody get Matthew McDonald into a helicopter to preserve this battle on film forever and win us a Pulitzer!

Print publication:
Best – Style Weekly (second place: RVA Magazine)
Worst – Richmond Times-Dispatch (second place: Brick Weekly)
Oh, my. People. The comments for the “worst” category were really filled with venom. I was unaware that there was SO much animosity towards specific columnists/editors/seemingly random individuals that write things down and print them out. Good thing Style is still around to save the day in an almost unanimous landslide.

Best – Virginia Museum of Fine Arts (second place: Science Museum of Virginia)
Worst – Museum of the Confederacy (second place: Edgar Allan Poe Museum)
What exactly does it mean when someone thinks your museum is bad? Inattentive docents? Crappy gift shop? F&@*ing long lines to the new “photo-retrospective”? “The more intimate feel is nice. That’s what she said,” said one commenter of the Edgar Allan Poe Museum. Somebody else said of the Black History Museum, “This place has potential but needs major funding and administrative staff.” But then another simply yelled “IMAX!!!!!!” about the Science Museum, so who knows.

Best – Quirk (close seconds: Eric Schindler and Gallery 5)
Worst – triple tie: Henry Street, Reynolds Gallery, and Quirk (second place: Gallery 5)
About Quirk: “I love this place. It’s worth bumping through on First Friday with the 100 other people that can’t resist going in even though it’s packed wall to wall people.” I too am intrigued by Quirk, and I really enjoy Eric Schindler, but I tend to forget the other ones and just remember the stuff that was showing there. But I guess that’s the point, eh?

Bowling alley:
Best – Sunset Lanes (second place: Plaza Bowl)
One comment about Plaza Bowl was aptly: “I LOVE YOU DUCKPINZ,” but another one was “Who bowls?” Me, my friend. People who know Plaza Bowl tend to wiggle with glee when you suggest a night there. Brave the Southside and discover the magic. Bring your appetite for Journey and mozzarella sticks!

Movie Theatre:
Best – The Byrd (second place: Westhampton)
Worst – Virginia Center Commons (close second: Short Pump)
Though I can’t even figure out why, VCC tends to be my movie theatre of choice. The crowds there are always energetic, and they tend to show a better variety of movies. But anyway, matter at hand. The Byrd and Westhampton are clearly local gems. Although we did get this comment: “If the Byrd gets this it invalidates this entire process. Sure, it’s cheap, but it also sucks.” So, does that mean you suspect that we accepted a HUGE BRIBE from Richmond’s HISTORICAL MOVIE PALACE so that we would stuff the ballot box? “Look, RVAnews, we need more business, see? And if you know what’s good for you, YOU’LL GIVE IT TO US. Jenny, fire up the organ. Sally, pull a spring from one of the seats. We’ll show these Richmonders who read the Internet what for, you follow?? YOU SHALL FEAR THE BYRD THEATRE FOUNDATION (dot com!).”


Elected official:
Best – Tim Kaine (second place: Carol A.O. Wolf)
Worst – Doug Wilder (second place: Bill Pantele)
Well, as you can imagine, commenters were lousy with disparaging things to say about Doug Wilder…and affectionate things to say about Tim Kaine’s eyebrows! Turns out they are a local hit!

Best – 288 (second place: Downtown Expressway)
Worst – 95 (second place: Powhite Parkway)
I came up with the idea for this category when my friend moved into her new place on Grayland and exclaimed excitedly, “And it even looks out over the DTE! MY FAVORITE HIGHWAY!!” No one was very enthusiastic with their “best” choices, but everyone chimed in for the worst: “Hold on, I forgot my life savings that I need to cross this bridge.”

Historical landmark:
Best – The Capitol (second place: Jefferson Hotel)
Worst – Arthur Ashe Monument (second place: Robert E. Lee monument)
Everyone agreed about Arthur Ashe, as usual with variations on this theme: “I admire Ashe and DiPasquale. But DiPasquale failed on this statue- looks so rigid and awkward like he’s beatin’ down those poor chiles.”

Mayoral candidate:
Best – Dirtwoman (second place: Paul Goldman)
Worst – Dirtwoman (second place: Bill Pantele)

Thing from 2008:
Best – The National (second place: breaking ground on the new movie theatre complex)
Worst – Gas prices (second place: Wilder v. City Council)

And, in closing, I am just so pleased that at the very least, our hurried, amateur list shot rays of sunshine all over the Internet when someone nominated “ABC stores now open on Sundays” for Best Thing from 2008, eliciting a ton of responses like this:”Is that for real???? Holy crap it is true, thanks RVAnews!”

You’re welcome, Richmond. Oh, how welcome you are.

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Susan Howson

Susan Howson is managing editor for this very website. She writes THE BEST bios.

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