Why raise kids in the city?
Two sets of parents shrug off the suburbs and make their nests in Richmond proper.
Editor’s note: Today’s feature is the first installment in our new parenting column written by two sets of Richmonders: Jorge and Patience Salgado (veteran parents of four gorgeous children), and Ross and Valerie Catrow (total parenting rookies who have only been doing this “raising a child thing” for a couple months). Check back fortnightly to watch them discuss/agree/disagree/throw down over all kinds of parenting issues, Richmond-related and beyond.
Today’s topic: Why raise kids in the city?
We’ll start with the Salgados and end with the Catrows. Let us begin!
The City Secret
By Jorge and Patience Salgado
“You’re gonna do what?” our friend said with a disapproving look on her face. “Yep, we are moving into the city.” I replied.
We guess this seemed strange to her, almost crazy to most people we know with kids. In the dead of winter in 2006 we were ready for a change. We got rid of half of everything we owned, rented out our house, and moved to a two bedroom apartment in Carytown with an infant and two preschoolers.
It was an early 1900’s row home with a soul and crappy wood floors. It became known as, “The Splinter House”. Every morning we awoke to a recording of the revelry played by a bugle from the military Catholic high school next door. In the evening we would sit on the porch and drink while the neighbor college kid played his acoustic guitar before his nightly gigs. Just as we would be heading off to bed, the Slaughterama biker guys who lived upstairs would start a night of work on their rogue silk screening operation in the basement.
We walked everywhere, bought sandwiches for the bums, and had fantastic parking for the Watermelon Festival. We traded a back yard for lots of trips to the park, scooter rides to dinner, and the movies on the weekend. Our kids became Nacho Mama regulars, Jorge solidified his deep loyalty to Buddy’s, and Bandito’s called us to dance to many an 80’s one hit wonder. We were hooked.
It wasn’t just about our good time Charlie family vibe. Living in the city helped us uncover things we couldn’t find anywhere else; it broadened our view of life. The kids’ world was more than school, soccer, and an occasional outing to Chuck E. Cheese. Our world as individuals, and not just parents had a place to grow.
Our surroundings were no longer so homogenous, struggle was not hiding, opportunities to enter and invest in true community were at every turn. Nothing seemed so scandalous or crazy about the whole thing anymore. We were delighted by our children’s ability to soak in all the richness and values the city has to offer.
Here is the city’s secret: It is the perfect place to raise a family, and we found exactly where we belong.
Our Babies Need Soul
By Ross and Valerie Catrow
- “Want to get something to eat?”
- “Sure. Let’s to Applebee’s?”
- “Ew, no.”
- “How about the *new* Applebee’s?”
- “Ooooh, good idea!”
Conversations like that were all too common where we spent our adolescence. We grew up on the Southside in a planned community nestled off a major road boasting every chain store and restaurant known to man. A community held together by neighborhood covenants, uniform mailboxes, and citations for those who dared to hang up a porch swing without the community’s permission. Things there were regulated, clean, and (to be perfectly honest) SOULLESSLY BORING.
Don’t get me wrong, we had wonderful and safe childhoods. There was only so much trouble we could get into as any place of interest was at least a 20-minute car ride away. But that was exactly the problem. Everyone looked the same. Everything looked the same. So when the time came to set up house somewhere, we decided to make the move across the river.
And here we are, almost six years later, having lived all of our married life in the city. The early years were spent around Carytown, first in an apartment on Ellwood and then in a lovely but falling apart house just north of the highway. We had our fair share of run-ins with quirky neighbors and questionable activitiy going on outside, but we also spent that time relishing what it meant to make the city our home. We became a one-car family as only one of us had to make a commute out of the city. Movies were watched almost solely at The Byrd, shopping was local, and dinner was walked to whenever possible. We felt “in it” and connected to what was going on around us in a way we’d never felt growing up.
So when we were greeted with the question as to what part of town we would be bringing our baby home to last fall, we opted for staying within the city limits with a house on the Northside. Because even though it might have made sense to make what some consider to be the inevitable move south or west, we just couldn’t bring ourselves to do it. The city was just as much a part of us as we were part of it. And we wanted that for our kids.
Many parents say they want something “more” for their kids – more than what they had or got to experience growing up. For us, it’s never been about “more.” We want to give our kids something “different.” We want them to grow up knowing that not everyone looks like them or lives in a house like theirs. We want to help them develop an appreciation for the city’s diversity – not just in the people, but its scenery and feel… its soul, really. And also for the fact that we can hang up a porch swing wherever the hell we want.
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Notice: Comments that are not conducive to an interesting and thoughtful conversation may be removed at the editor’s discretion.
Ahh, good ole Southside. The one good thing about growing up on the Soutside was spending as much time as possible in the woods and in/around the lake. I think my first real adult decision was made when I was a child, contemplating actually moving into a treehouse in the forest. I feel so bad for kids growing up in all those new communities coming up around Woodlake and Brandermill, where there are literally NO TREES. Although I guess when you are slaying dragons all day in the forests of the World of Warcraft, you get a little tired of all that blasted vegetation.
Yeah the trees in Brandermill are insane. You could go days without seeing the sun what with all the foliage.
the trees were the best part about growing up there.
but i feel you guys on the city. it is “where its at”
I guess for me, I lived in the Fan and in Church Hill for about 6-7 years while in and after college. It was great, absolutely loved it. But when it came time to raise a family I wanted something different. Honestly, I wanted culd-e-sacs, I want my kids to walk to school, spend summers at the pool, a lake to fish, to sail, to kayak. I wanted to not always have to worry if I locked my car, or they left their bikes outside. I wanted a neighborhood that didn’t allow crazy purple houses, boarded up houses or people parking on the front lawn. But thankfully, I once lived in the city and we continue to spend a lot of time their with our kids, flying their kites at Chimborazo park, finding secret places at belle island, spending allowances at world of mirth, running up the steps to know where at Byrd park. Hopefully, are kids will not have a soulless boring life growing up in Brandermill (just kidding Val,Ross) but will be able to enjoy both worlds. I promise no one in this house will be signing up for cotillion. But on that note – I think it’s awesome you guys are doing that – and I am a little jealous that you have done so.
Deffers. Especially because there are so many trees downtown. I never realized how many trees there were in Richmond, until I moved back from Iceland, where there are seriously almost NO trees, because they just won’t grow there. Super weird.
Eric, I think that’s awesome if that’s what works for you and you’re family. And I totally get the less worrying things, particularly when it comes to kids. I realize that I living in the city I will probably never be able to just let my kids go out the door without feeling like I have to peak out the window every 5 minutes. I think you just need to find a balance.
I grew up a cul-de-sac kid in Southside. It’s really a very boring and unchallenging environment for a child. My parents moved us there for the schools. Though we hated it growing up, my sisters and I acknowledge and truly appreciate our Midlo High diplomas. I’m glad my parents put me through one of the better school systems, though it definitely led to a sheltered upbringing. I personally don’t want to suffer in the suburbs ever again and so, when I accidently have kids, they will grow up in the city, though private school is going to be a financial hardship.
After living in an old home in the center of Blacksburg while attending college, I figured out quickly that I truly valued being able to walk to work (school), grocers, diners, bars. After school, I got a job and moved to The Fan, a great example of a mixed-use, mixed income community with great archictecture and well designed streets (a grid with narrow roads, parallel parked cars used as a buffered safe zone between pedestrians and motorists). I meet plenty of people who “hate” Richmond but they’re usually from Short Pump or some other awful sprawling area. Few people I meet in the city seem to dislike it; though, they often cite that they just like bigger cities.
trees are my favorite…
Mixed-use is where it’s at. I think you learn so much about people when you’re forced to see them in different settings, i.e. going to work, eating out, going about their business at home.
I tend to think most people will say they disliked/hated where they grew up? I mean it was with your parents – who liked that? I remember telling people all the time I hated living in Urbanna, VA. Graduating class of 80 people. But today – I would love to live their again on the water. It was like Dawsons Creek without the background music.
Political issues aside, people make way too big a deal out of what is essentially an arbitrary designation (city versus county). Westover Hills, Ginter Park, and Stratford Hills, for example, are all pretty suburban in character. In fact, most of Southside, except for Manchester, looks like a veritable cross-section of American suburbia. You’ve got aging Cape Cods and strip malls along Jeff Davis Highway, bungalows off Semmes Ave, upscale brick Colonials as you head west along Forest Hill Ave, a ritzy mall at Stony Point, and plenty of late 20th century tract housing on the periphery, along Jahnke Road and other major arterials. Richmond is, by and large, a very low-density city, and because we don’t have very many high rises, the high-density areas are pretty much limited to the old 18th and 19th century neighborhoods–the area between I-195 and Gillies Creek, plus Manchester. You can live off Staples Mill Road, walk to the supermarket, ride the bus downtown, and live a lifestyle that is generally pretty urban, by many standards, and still be in Henrico. On the other hand, you can live in a giant house on a heavily-forested and isolated plot of land off Cherokee Road and still be in the city. The varying quality of schools is a real issue, and development priorities (should) change when you hit the suburbs, but when it comes to lifestyle distinctions, there’s a lot more gray than black and white.
I know every one of my neighbors on my block – and count most of them as good friends. We can walk to the Farmer’s Market, the pizza place, and even school. I love living in the city!
I’m with y’all. I moved from the Fan to the Museum District after VCU, then to the Near West End (not to be confused with the Far West) as a parent of two. We won’t ever move beyond the city line. Our block has many generations, professions, pets, and kids aged 0-18. We are lucky that it’s a city location where we can leave bikes out in the yard, but can also walk to Carytown. I didn’t grow up in suburbs myself, and don’t want that life for my children. Looking forward to your next installment!
Wait, are we still talking about Richmond or are we talking about Staunton? ;) :D
i guess it depends on the kid whether they will like or dislike the derelicts in richmond, i remember bein a kid and seein bums, it was sad
I moved to Richmond from Fairfax in ’97 because I wanted a more urban experience (after 4yrs of college in Fredericksburg). Even though Richmond hardly registers on the metropolitan scale, it feels like a decent proving ground for a young person. Richmond is small enough that it’s fairly easy to establish an identity, a history, and an analytical framework (especially independent of parents and without the insulation of a college social group, in my case).
Richmond has so many needs to be filled that it’s almost impossible not to find some way to pitch in to help move the city forward. And what better way to contribute to the future of a city than to commit long term by starting families here, enrolling children in school here, joining the PTAs at RPS, and building community organizations that make the city a better place for everybody.
Eric: “crazy purple houses” ?
I could not agree more with both articles. I live in the same general area (near carytown), and I wish I had been exposed to more growing up. I made the best of Hanover County, and I would never ask to change anything about my past–it was a learning experience. However, I could not imagine raising a kid in a cul-de-sac (like I grew up in).
Richmond is a very low-density city, and Westover Hills, Stratford Hills, Ginter Park, etc. are all very suburban in character. All of Southside, in fact, with the exception of Manchester, looks like a veritable cross-section of postwar American suburbia. You’ve got aging Cape Cods along Jeff Davis Highway, bungalows off Semmes Ave, upscale brick Colonials as you head west on Forest Hill Ave, a ritzy mall at Stony Point, and very typical late 20th century tract housing around the periphery, near Jahnke Road, for example. We’ve got very few high rises, so the only real high-density parts of Richmond City–where you would get the most “urban” experience, I mean–are the old 18th and 19th century neighborhoods, basically everything between I-195 and Gillies Creek. You can live off Staples Mill Road, walk to the supermarket, ride the bus to work, and generally live a very city-ish life, by most standards, and still be in Henrico. On the other hand, you can live in a giant house on an isolated, heavily-forested plot of land off Cherokee Road and still be inside the city. I’m not saying that there aren’t real political differences between the city and the surrounding counties, and all sorts of jurisdictional priorities change when you cross the Chippenham Parkway, but culturally, when you compare adjacent neighborhoods, the boundary itself doesn’t mean a whole lot. And honestly, I think that’s one of Richmond’s biggest problems: that there isn’t enough city in the city, and that we have all these aging, isolated, suburban neighborhoods that haven’t been developed in any meaningful way, aren’t connected to downtown, and might as well be in Chesterfield or Henrico.
so glad to see parenting on RVANews!
i grew up a city girl through and through: a house on northside, richmond public schools, coffee at the village, movies at the byrd, cheap eats at 3rd st. diner, playing hookie at the river. my husband moved here after college and had always lived in–and loved–the city.
so when we moved west to the burbs just before our first son was born, it didn’t take long before we were both itching to get back to the city. we bought a house just off carytown right before our second was born , and we couldn’t be happier! we will definitely stay and raise our kids here.
we love living a stone’s throw from locally owned restaurants & shops, and the art, science, & children’s museums. we take long walks along bumpy uneven city sidewalks and alleyways, and we frequent several public playgrounds. life here is stimulating, fun, and colorful.
and sometimes, we still play hookie at the river.
I don’t have kids, but I would say even if you don’t actually live in the city, it’s important to visit the city with your kids regularly. Eat at the restaurants (or go on picnics), go to the museums, enjoy the festivals. It’s not that far from surrounding areas, and parking isn’t generally a problem. I know people who grew up in Northern Virginia but never went into DC except on elementary school field trips, and that is sad. I know Richmond isn’t DC, but it’s the same sort of thing.
My wife twitters as darlingocotpus. Here’s her latest tweet:
I heart Maggie Gyllenhaal. Here is her take on raising a kid in the city. http://tinyurl.com/arneh9
“darlingoctopus”
I grew up in the suburbs (first in Settlers Landing, then stonehenge & smoketree) and enjoyed every part of it. Of course in both places we lived we had a tight nit group of friends on the loop and culdesac. I enjoyed riding my bike to school, through the neighborhood to get to the pool and lake. There was a ton of community — friends we still keep up with to this day.
I will say I’m not a big fan of the trees haha, mainly cause I’m lazy and hate to rake leaves (between 20-30 bags every year!) but that’s what I get for having a fenced in back yard with no woods behind me. I also wish the suburbs had more local restaurants too, instead of the chains everywhere — that would be nice.
Driving instead of Walking: Driving doesn’t bother me at all and never has, its a 20 min drive TO THE CITY for me to get here for work and if we had the money to actually go out to restaurants I would go up there in a heart beat! But that’s pretty much a non-issue right now.
Overall — I love the southisde, I’ll probably never move out of the suburbs, and I love my house and my big backyard that my dog and kids have lots of room to run around in, build forts, tree houses, etc. In my opinion it’s a lot fun.
I grew up in Chester and had a great childhood. I have to say, though, even then I dreamed of living in the awesome big-city of Richmond. When we were teens my friends and I would drive north on 95 to the city every chance we got. We thought we were so super-cool.
Now that I’m an adult and parent, I’m back in the Southside…this time Midlothian. After my husband I got married we decided to move because we knew we wanted a family. I still dream of living in a house in a the Fan w/ our kids one day, but the cost of private school is too prohibitive so that will never happen. (Besides Mary Munford Elem, I’d never put my child in a Richmond public school….sorry!) I do plan on taking my kids to city every chance we get, though. I want their memories to be of Maymont, the museums, Carytown, etc. Not generic strip-malls.
I spent a majority of my childhood in northside (Claremont ave represent!) and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. It is a city neighborhood, but extremely family friendly. There were around 15 kids on my block, and we all played and ran around the neighborhood together. I remember when I was finally old enough to walk to Nuttalls market alone, and I would go blow my allowance on candy bars. There was 13 acres park, (which I guess is now a school) for games of flashlight tag. All in all, I feel like it was the absolute best environment to grow up in. I was just starting to really realize how much I loved my neighborhood when my parents started to realize how much private school was going to cost for 3 children. Next think I knew, BAM we were selling our house and looking at land in Hanover county. Somehow we ended up in Beaverdam. The first night in the new house we called for delivery and got laughed at. I started 7th grade at LIberty middle school and was a bit in culture shock. People hunt and kill animals? Why are kids wearing confederate flags in school? It’s interesting to me that my youngest sister turned out so different than my other sister and I. She spent the majority of her formative years in the country, and its painfully obvious. She has no idea what the city is, she just says she hates it. It kind of makes me sad. All in all, Beaverdam wasn’t bad, and I still love to go out there for a couple days, but if I ever have kids I’m going to try and find a cute little house in ginter park to raise them in.
I grew up in the West End off patterson near the YMCA. When I was about 13 a friend and I would ride our bikes into Carytown. We thought we were the coolest thing since sliced bread. Bought a house eventually in Church Hill and have loved every minute of it.
I am so thrilled with this column – it’s validating so many of the reasons my husband and I have chosen smaller square footage, higher taxes, and a school path you need to think about over the cookie cutter life of the suburbs.
I can get by for days without my car, have neighbors who differ in me in ways greater than simply the color of our minivans, and can daily encounter the needs and gifts of humanity without the buffer of a “planned community” separating us from a reality we’d grow increasingly wary of.
I love this conversation – it is an issue close to my heart!
My husband and I spent years in the Fan in our 20s while in college.. on Stuart Ave, right around the corner from the little Stawberry St shopping block. Sigh… LOVED it!! So glad we did that then, though, because it is just not for us now, with kids.
Just need to say right here that I am completely disgusted at the insane new construction with houses on tiny lots with absolutely no trees. I so dislike the look and feel of those neighborhoods. That is not where we are. The overgrowth in housing is a simptom of much that is wrong with the economy right now, but I digress….
We are currently in an older neighborhood in Midlothian on the best cul-de-sac, ever. There are children all over our neighborhood, and with the cul-de-sac, all the neighbors know each other – we get together for meals every weekend and hang out all the time (pretty much every day). We are giving our kids as close to the kind of childhood we had as is possible in today’s world. They are having the kind of treehouse-building, bicycle-riding, lemonade stand-holding childhood we had and we couldn’t be more pleased. It is far from soul-less!! (think the movie “The Sandlot”)
Honestly, if we could ensure our kids a decent public education and relative safety playing outdoors, the city would definatly be a serious option for us. I love the neighborhoods, the whole mixed use/walking to the market and the restaurants kind of life. It’s awesome, and we may do it again later on… but for now we are in the perfect place!!
Good column and convo!
Best to everyone!