Making it my business: 8 things every graduate should know

Forget Plato and Calculus. We’ve got what you need to know right here.

May 13, 2008; 8:19 AM • by Valerie Catrow

‘Tis the season to don caps and gowns and get stinkin’ drunk to celebrate the culmination of 4 years of work-avoidance, mean nicknames for people you see in the dining hall, and stalking people via away messages. Over the next few weeks, the majority of college seniors will be entering The Real World. And unto them I now bestow 8 simple tasks that any adult should master…or at least do well enough to not look like a total tool.

1. How to make a bed properly.

Hear me out on this one. Your apartment might suck. You might have no clue how to put together your coffee table from Ikea. But making a bed is an easy way to feel like a competent, contributing member of your household, if not society. It’s about your self esteem, really.

You’d be surprised how many people (*cough*my husband *cough*) enter adulthood without knowing how to *really* make a bed. I’m not talking about basic training bed-making here; just your garden-variety “Wow, that bed looks really nice” bed-making.

I tried to find a nice instructional video on YouTube about this, but everything was either pervie or involved drunk people *trying* to make beds. So instead, I give you this. Use it in good health.

2. How to write a thank you note.

If you’re a lucky little graduate, you’ve recently been showered with all kinds of gifts in the form of lots and lot of “bones.” And you bet your sweet bippy that you’ll be writing thank you notes to all those who hooked you up.

Before we get to specific wording, remember that just as important as the “how?” here is the “when.” The answer to “when?” is “Right freaking away.” Got it? No excuses. You are a grown up now.

As far as what to say in your thank you note, keep it simple. Go with something like:

Dear [insert name of generate friend/relative/relative stranger that your parents know],

Thank you so much for the generous graduation gift. It will be well-used for [xyz if you don’t know, make it up!].

It was so thoughtful of you to think of me. Thanks again!

Sincerely,
[Your name]

3. How to interact with customer service reps.

The first thing you need to remember is that these reps are people who sometimes have bad days, too. The second thing you need to remember is that regardless of how bad their day is, it’s still their job to provide a service. Think of it as a balance of sympathy and high expectations.

Hopefully, you won’t have frequent run-ins with poor customer service. But, let’s be honest, it’s going to happen. Perhaps the hardest situations to deal with are those involving lots of money and you having to make lots of phone calls. So basically anything involving the City of Richmond. The best thing to do in these situations? Write everything down. I mean everything – dates, times, employee names, employee numbers, whatever you can get. Getting the employee name is easy, particularly if after getting it, you say “Thank you, so-and-so, you’ve been so helpful.” If possible, ask to speak with a manager to see how you can follow up later. And then, you know, actually do it. I know all of this can sound intimidating, but the more often you do it, the easier it gets.

4. How to keep an eye on your credit score.

You might have heard that we’re in The Information Age. No one can claim ignorance any longer, particularly when it comes to personal information. And credit is perhaps the most helpful or potentially damaging pieces of personal information in your newly-adult life. Luckily, you can keep track of your credit score without even having to talk to anyone – we all know how those millenials hate that. Annualcreditreport.com pulls from all three credit bureaus (Experian, TransUnion, and Equifax), giving you a run-down of your credit history for free, as well as your actual credit score for a small fee.

Remember: every American is entitled to one free credit report every 12 months. Take advantage of it.

5. How to make at least one entree, side dish, and dessert.

I do not cook. At all. But, if pressed, I thankfully have a couple dishes that I could whip together without much thought or trepidation. This is especially helpful if you ever get invited to a pot luck or get asked to bring something to a family get together – which, let’s face it, now that you are a grown up, the freeloading at Grandma’s should really be coming to an end.

6. How to shake hands.

A weak handshake can make you look like a pansy. A crushing handshake makes it look like you’re overcompensating. Keep it firm and limit it to about 2 seconds. And gentleman, when shaking a woman’s hand, please don’t give her the palm up, just-grab-her-fingertips shake. It’s insulting.

7. How to be on time.

Being late sends two signs: 1) you’re irresponsible and 2) the previously scheduled engagement isn’t important to you. If you’re one of those people who is always rushing into the meeting at the last minute or whose family has to lie about the start time of events in the hopes you’ll be there on time, it’s time to take a long, hard look at yourself. You are an adult. Buy a watch and leave a few minutes early. And be prepared to use tip number 8 if you can’t get it together…

8. How to apologize.

While this is amazingly hard for some people, the process is surprisingly simple: “I’m sorry. I was wrong. It won’t happen again.” That’s it. No blame. No argument. Move on.

Thus concludes my wisdom, Dear Graduates.

Class dismissed!

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Valerie Catrow

Valerie Catrow is editor of RVAFamily, mother to a mop-topped first grader, and always really excited to go to bed.

May 13, 2008 4

Making it my business: your guide to a lovely Richmond Mother’s Day

Yes, I realize Mother’s Day isn’t for another few weeks. Oh, who am I kidding? You all probably saw that and thought, “Oh crap! I guess I’ll need to stop by that carnation stand on the off ramp.”

April 22, 2008; 9:45 AM • by Valerie Catrow

Relax. Mother’s Day isn’t until May 11th. But any child with manners will invest more than 15 minutes of thought in what to give the woman who carried them, birthed them, and raised them from a wee babe to a lovely adult.

So, here are some wonderfully sweet and wonderfully local ideas for how you can properly honor YOUR MOMS:

When in doubt, go with something classic: a Sunday champagne brunch at the Jefferson. Yes, it’s pricey ($42 for adults, $19.95 for kids) but it will undoubtedly be special day and, c’mon, your mom is worth it. Please note, brunches book up fast, so you need to make a reservation STAT.

If you prefer something more for evening (or if your mom loves booze), give her a wine tasting for somewhere like The Barrel Thief. It can be as simple as getting her a gift certificate, throwing in a few blank invitations, and letting her invite some friends for a nice night out, or booking a private event for her and footing the bill. Whatever the case, it will show that you put some thought into it and your mom will definitely appreciate it.

If your mom likes a little pampering, try splurging for a spa day at Rituals Salon & Spa. I frequent this place often and it’s always a great experience – wonderful, attentive staff, luxurious and natural products, AND HAND MASSAGES WHILE YOU WAIT. They usually run specials for Mother’s Day, so make sure you ask about that when you call. Want to one-up yourself? Get two certificates: one for her and one for a friend. Her heart will crumble from happiness.

Ok, I know what some of you are saying, “Valerie. I don’t have millions of dollars to spend on Mother’s Day, no matter how much I want to.” I can relate because I fall into that category, too. Fear not. There are some other great options that require significantly fewer Benjamins:

Take advantage of some of the delicious stuff available from the local Etsy crowd. For example, beeskneesstudio has some sweet prints of mama and baby animals for $15, including elephants, pigs, cows and sheep. That’s sure to make her go “Awwww.” Or if your mom prefers the bling-bling, try these sweet earrings from Artistic Creations or this not-deathly expensive pearl bracelet from Ergo Design. Bonus: some of these Etsy craftsters will do custom orders if you give them enough time. Imagine the motherly love that will overflow from her bosom.

Another easy (read: cheap but meaningful) option is to take your mom & co. out for a picnic (weather permitting) to somewhere like Maymont or Echo Lake Park. Both have great, rolling fields for everyone to spread out, lounge, and chase any little ones that might have come along for the day. And if your mom raised you in Richmond, chances are she’s taken you to one or the both of these parks several times and it will bring back fond memories for her.

And before I go, here are a few things to keep in mind as you’re considering your options (these apply to anyone anywhere, so don’t try turning a blind eye now, non-Richmonders)…

1. Keep it about her. Mother’s Day is not about getting together when it’s convenient for everyone else or doing something that everyone will like. It’s her day; make it as such.

2. Thank the others moms in your life – those who didn’t necessarily birth you but loved you just the same (i.e. in-laws, mothers of close friends). A simple card or a phone call will mean so much to these special ladies.

3. Don’t forget mothers-to-be. If your wife, sister, best friend, what have you, is expecting later in the year, it’s an incredibly sweet gesture to include her in the celebration and give her some much-needed encouragement. It doesn’t have to be something big – again, a card or maybe some flowers will do.

Hope that helped. Now get cracking. YOU’RE ON THE CLOCK RICHMOND.

(P.S. If you have anything you want to hear about, need a guide for, or *need* to hear/read my opinion on, email me at val@rvanews.com.)

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Valerie Catrow

Valerie Catrow is editor of RVAFamily, mother to a mop-topped first grader, and always really excited to go to bed.

April 22, 2008 0

Making it my business: 10 ways to be kind that you may or may not think of

Read to find out if you are being an absolute treat to people…or an absolute drag.

April 15, 2008; 8:10 AM • by Valerie Catrow

I live much of my life hyper-aware of how my actions might be effecting other people. This comes from the fact that my mother made sure I was hyper-aware, because no child of hers was going to roam around using bad manners and making it look like she didn’t know how to raise her kids.

Good or bad, my hyper-awareness of my own actions makes me pay equal attention to the actions of other people. Even yours. Sometimes in a seething-with-anger kind of way. And while I admittedly do sometimes love to seethe with anger, I figured it was more helpful to just hand out a few tips. Maybe you already do these things. If so, great! If you don’t, get on it, kids.

1. If you’re standing in line at the grocery store and you get a call on your cell phone, send it to voice mail. Or, if it’s important, step out of line to take the call. Not only is it rude force other people to listen to your conversation, if you’re on the phone, you’re distracted and are undoubtedly making the checkout process take even longer. And making that petite, blonde woman behind you mutter murderous thoughts under her breath. Ahem.

2. If a car has stopped to let you pass in front of it, walk swiftly. Don’t strut slowly across the street, holding up traffic. True, you do have the right of way, but responding to someone’s courtesy with a friendly wave and a little kick in your step will make them more likely to consider pedestrians later on. And less likely to smash their bumper into the back of your knees.

3. If you’re going to be late, call and let someone know. And absolutely under no circumstances should you arrive at the meet-up with any variation of Starbucks in your hand. Even though the late-making situation may have occurred after picking up your coffee, you’re making it look like your fix was more important than the person you had plans with.

4. Use your turn signal. I’ll admit, I am horrible at this. HORRIBLE. But, aside from being what you’re legally supposed to do, making your intentions on the road as explicit as possible eases tension for everyone else.

5. Hold doors for parents with strollers. Have you ever tried to navigate a baby buggy through a non-automatic door? Close to impossible, I would say, and I’ve only done it maybe twice in my life. I imagine having to do it multiple times a day every day grates on you. Throw them a bone, already – and make sure you smile when you do it, kiddies. They will mostly like respond with a frazzled “Thanks” and a knowing glance. I promise you, they needed that bit of consideration.

6. Let customer service people know when they’ve been helpful. I once called 1-800-TACO-BELL to let them know about the amazingly sweet attendant working the drive-thru at the Taco Bell on Libbie and Broad (as opposed to her predecessor who utter “sh*t” every 2.5 seconds). And when speaking with a friendly person over the phone, I ask them their name at the end of the conversation and say, “Thank you, so-and-so, you’ve been very helpful. I appreciate it.” I can speak from personal experience on the importance of being kind to these people – I spent too much time getting bawled out for the price of movie theater concessions while donning a burgundy vest and bow tie. Because clearly if I were in charge of setting the prices, I would be wearing that EXACT outfit.

7. If you’re in a store and decide you no longer want something you’ve already picked out, don’t just shove it somewhere. Yes, I know they have people responsible for restocking, but none of you are above retracing your steps and putting something back where it belongs.

8. Put your shopping cart in the shopping cart corral. Not on the curb, not to the side of your parking space, not on the median. Same reasons that went for #7 – a few extra steps aren’t going to kill you.

9. When ordering food, say “Can I please have…” rather than “I want…” This applies to any restaurant, even fast food places. I don’t care if it’s the grimiest McDonald’s in the middle of nowhere. Those people still deserve to be on the receiving end of all those manners your mom taught you.

10. Learn and use the three most important phrases you could ever say: Thank you, I need help, and I don’t know. All three phrases show that you’re not too proud to admit that you are not The King Of Everything and appreciate the fact that someone else might be.

Did I miss anything? Go forth and comment…

(Got a question you want answered or an idea for something I should rant about? Email me at val@rvanews.com and let me know.)

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Valerie Catrow

Valerie Catrow is editor of RVAFamily, mother to a mop-topped first grader, and always really excited to go to bed.

April 15, 2008 5

Making it my business: cohabitation complications

The whens and whys. And what ifs. And what abouts. Oh, it’s complicated. Just read it.

April 8, 2008; 11:37 AM • by Valerie Catrow

Before we move on to this week’s questions, remember that you, too, can be showered with wisdom via the Internet. Send questions to val@rvanews.com.

Let’s get it on. Or started…

Dear Valerie,

I have a problem. I’ve finally found the one for me, he’s perfect, smart, and my total match. We’ve been taking things slowly and it’s turning into something wonderful. We recently discussed co-habitation, and we are both very gung-ho about it. The problem is his roommate, who is unemployed, unmotivated, and very self-centered. My sweetie wants him to move out, but can’t confront the situation, since they have been friends since they were knee-high to a grasshopper. I’m keeping my mouth shut because I want to be supporting, and caring of his feelings, but I really want to move the roommate right along (or out!) Any advice on how to gently approach the situation so my honey and I can start sharing the same space?

Thanks!
In Love But Over the BFF

First, congratulations on finding a great guy! It’s always lovely when that happens. Now on to your question.

The way I see it, you have two options…

Option 1, your boyfriend sits his roommate down and lets him know that the two of you are getting serious and you’d like to try living together. And in your current situation, it would make more sense for you to move into the apartment and for the best friend to move out. If you have a good relationship with the best friend, he might be a little miffed about having to find a new place to live, but hopefully he’ll be happy for you. If you guys don’t get along, you need to prepare yourself for a little tension – it’s kind of inevitable but not necessarily destructive.

Option 2, you and your boyfriend find your own place together, leaving the best friend to deal with the current apartment. This might be better for everyone as it will let you and your guy have a fresh start and isn’t putting the best friend out on the street.

But, a word of caution: however you end up dealing with the situation, you do not at all want it to seem like you are the one orchestrating the eviction of your boyfriend’s roommate. Ultimately, your boyfriend is the one who will need to have the conversation in an effort to preserve his friendship. It’s key that when he does speak to his roommate, he makes it about wanting to take the next step with you, not just ending things with his friend.

Dear Valerie,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about three years. Both of us are currently unhappy with our living situations (I live with a friend from college; he lives with his brother) and our leases will be up at the end of the summer. We’ve been talking about living together and it seems like the timing is right. What do you think?

Thanks!
Looks Good On Paper Girl

I gave you that name, dear reader, because that’s exactly what this situation seems to be. Just because the numbers seem to add up doesn’t necessarily mean it’s time for you to make the commitment of moving in with someone.

Regardless of the fact that moving in with someone isn’t the same as marrying them, you are still making a decision that will intertwine your lives even further. It is a major upping of the ante as you will be jointly responsible for bills (even if it is just rent), household responsibilities, basically the mess of daily life. There will be a shift in dynamics that you should not enter into lightly.

That’s not to say that you’re not ready, LGOPG. It just seems that if you were sure, you wouldn’t need to ask. To me, the decision to live with someone should come with little hedging or waffling back and forth – not necessarily an absence of nervousness, but with a definite certainty that you want this.

Here’s what I suggest. You and your boyfriend need to have some serious LBH time (that’s Let’s Be Honest, for those of you that aren’t lame). Talk about why you think you should move in together. If it seems to be more about numbers than the desire to have a life together, you might want to consider making other arrangements. After all, it’s hard to go back from living together and giving yourselves another year to just date is another year to be sure of your commitment to each other.

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Valerie Catrow

Valerie Catrow is editor of RVAFamily, mother to a mop-topped first grader, and always really excited to go to bed.

April 8, 2008 2

Making it my business: I’ve unlocked the mystery that is the human male!

Look inside this magical treat to find out two things that men *really* want. It’s not what you think, pervs.

March 26, 2008; 9:16 AM • by Valerie Catrow

This it folks. If you don’t send more questions NO ONE WILL GET ANYMORE ADVICE. Val@rvanews.com. Thanks.

Shall we begin? Why yes, we should.

Dear Valerie,

Ok so, I’ve got an issue with my boyfriend. I think he spends way too much time with his friends. I know it’s important for him to be around his guy friends, but he needs to invest in our relationship, too. Whenever I bring it up, it turns into a fight. Any ideas?

Thanks,
Galled Girlfriend

While I can sympathize with your plight, GG, I cannot emphasize the importance of guy-only time enough. They’re boys! Hanging out is what they do best! And I can tell you from firsthand experience that your boyfriend’s bros are giving him something you could never, ever give him. Or want to. Allow me to tell a little story to illustrate my point…

My husband and I go to a party. Three other guys ride with us to the party. We all chat it up whilst at the party, and then all pile in the car together to leave said party. Then we all go get something to eat. All told, we probably spent about six hours together that evening. Four guys and me.

During our time together, I witnessed epic battles of Rock-Paper-Scissors over who was gay, heard endless jokes that made me cover my face with my hands and blush (which is almost IMPOSSIBLE – I mean, I’m married to ROSS), and listened to a 30-minute conversation debating whether people from India prefer to be called “Indians” or “Asians” – keep in mind that none of the people in this conversation were Indian and therefore had little insight into the matter. And then there were some more Rock-Paper-Scissors battles to round out the evening.

The time I spent watching these gentlemen that evening made something very clear to me: boys need boy-time just as much (if not more) as girls need girl-time. It’s important that they have the chance to take a break from the often-sobering realities of their relationship and just go out and be ridiculous – not irresponsible, ridiculous. And believe me, if there’s a chance that these hang outs will cut down on the grossness and riffraff that my husband tries with me, I’m all for it.

This isn’t to say that your bf shouldn’t spend time with you. He should! But, I’m gonna be honest here, if you spend all of your time together talking about how you wish he’d spend more time with you, it doesn’t seem like so much fun. This doesn’t mean that you don’t get to voice your concern, just pick your battles.

Here’s a quick tip that will help: suggest to your boyfriend that he go spend time with his friends. Saying something like, “You haven’t hung out with [insert friend’s name, which is probably Matt or Chris because boys in Richmond can only be named that] in a while. You guys should hang out tonight,” will blow his mind. Not only are you taking notice of what he’s up to, you’re also encouraging him to work on his relationships with his friends just like you would encourage him to work on his relationship with you. Believe it or not, he’ll more than likely want to spend more time with you just because you’re showing that you value his relationships with his friends, too.

Valerie! Help!

My husband does nothing around the house. NOTHING. He says he’d do chores if he knew what needed to be taken care of. I don’t understand why I should have to tell him. He should *want* to help out, shouldn’t he?

Thanks,
Bitter Better Half

I fought the “You should want to help” battle for years. Yes, I know I’ve only been married for a little under 5 years, but approximately 4 years and 7 months of that was a constant struggle over household tasks. He kept saying, “Just tell me what you want to do!” to which I would hiss, “Youshouldknowcan’tyouseethatthisplaceisdisgustingIamNOTyourmother!”

And then I realized something. Why should I want my husband to *want* to clean up the living room? I don’t want to do it, so it’s not fair to ask the same of him.

Also, he was telling me he would do whatever I asked him to do! What the mess was wrong with me? It wasn’t like he was saying, “No way, vacuuming is for ladies, now go put on a cute skirt and make me some pie.” He was trying to be a modern husband, but I wasn’t letting that be good enough.

And then we made the chore chart.

I know. It’s sounds childish and perhaps a bit emasculating. In fact, I was a bit nervous about bringing it up. But I did. And he was thrilled.

Of course there was some adjustment. I had to accept the fact that he wasn’t going to do his tasks in the exact way or at the exact time I would have. But done is done. And him doing it means I don’t have to.

What I’m saying here, BBH, is that you’re not allowing yourself to solve this problem. I know it’s frustrating that he’s not being proactive, but that’s not necessarily a male thing. Some people just don’t see (or just aren’t bothered) by messes. Even though I would love it if it occurred to my husband to clean the living room, it doesn’t make him a bad husband if it doesn’t – and it certainly doesn’t make the living room less clean when he checks it off of the chore chart.

Maybe a chore chart isn’t the best for you, but there’s sure to be something that works. If mapping it out day by day doesn’t appeal to you, try making a list of daily, weekly, monthly, and as-needed tasks for your household. Then divide them up between the two of you. No rules over when items are completed. Your tasks are your responsibility, his tasks are his responsibility.

And the most important thing you can do? Notice when he follows through and say thank you. From my experience, guys just want to know that you’re proud of them and that you appreciate what they do. Think about it. You like knowing that someone is grateful for what you do – why wouldn’t you show the same sentiment to the person you share your life with?

—

Did you pick up on the two things, dear readers? In my experience, guys want two things:

1. Encouragement
2. Appreciation

What do you think, gentlemen? Ladies?

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Valerie Catrow

Valerie Catrow is editor of RVAFamily, mother to a mop-topped first grader, and always really excited to go to bed.

March 26, 2008 7

Making it my business: it *is* easy being green, I promise

From what you put on your face to what you put on your floors, being green doesn’t require as much green as you think.

March 21, 2008; 8:11 AM • by Valerie Catrow

Before we start, don’t forget that you, little grasshopper, can also benefit from my “wisdom.” Send any and all questions to val@rvanews.com.

And on with the show!

Dear Valerie,

There’s a huge push for people to eat organic foods, but I haven’t seen much about switching to organic or “more natural personal care items – like shampoo, facial cleanser, etc. Is this something I should be thinking about? If so, where can I find products that won’t break my budget?

Thanks a ton!
Budget-Conscious Beauty Queen

I have three words for you: drugstore dot com.

I recently decided that I was going to make the switch to using more natural products in regards to facial cleansers and the like – after all, your skin is ALIVE. At my husband’s suggestion, I scoured the cosmetics aisle at Ellwood Thompson to see what brands were deemed “green” and then turned to the Internet to find a place where I could buy them at a discount. Enter the aforementioned drugstore.com. I managed to get this, this at a fraction of what it would have cost me at the ET. If you’re not sure of a specific brand, search their Naturals section – just make sure you check the ingredients of the products to make sure there’s nothing in there that you’re allergic to.

Dear Valerie,

Being “green” is on everyone’s mind, it seems, and no matter where I turn, I have some magazine or news article telling me I’m doing something harmful for the environment. I want to do my part, but I don’t have the money to make sure my shag carpet is made of organic cotton and my plates have a lead-free glaze. I mean, I need to shop at Target SOMEtimes. What are some changes I can make around my house to reduce the ol’ carbon footprint and keep Al Gore happy?

Thanks,
Eagerish Environmentalist

It’s true, we are constantly being bombarded with what we are doing to continue the systematic poisoning of the planet (ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, LEO? GEEZ) But, alas it’s a real problem that seems to have stemmed from previous generations’ eagerness to “progress” without the knowledge of what effect their new-fangled technologies might have on the planet 50 years later.

And I know where you’re coming from. I have a small budget, but a large awareness of what some of my consumer choices might be doing to the poor polar bears – they always show the polar bears, don’t they?

What I suggest is that you start small. Commit to a few small changes and see where it goes from there. Honestly, once those actions go from “choice” to “habit,” you’ll be ready to add another set of green special moves to your repertoire.

Here are three easy switches you can make…

1. Lose the plastic and paper bags.
This doesn’t mean you have to buy the reusable bags sold at Ukrop’s or Ellwood Thompson. Instead, try going to Goodwill. I guarantee you’ll find large, canvas bags (you know, the kind your mom would always carry to the beach) that will hold more and cost the same, if not less. One important thing to note, though. Sometimes it’s hard to remember to take the bags with you when you go out. We’ve devised a plan where my car keys are tucked inside one of our reusable bags once we bring the groceries inside. This way, at least one bag makes it to the car for later use.

2. Go old school with your cleaning products.
Have you noticed how your grandmother’s house was impeccable, even though she didn’t have access to things like OxyClean or Tilex? More than likely, she used good, old fashioned water, vinegar, and baking soda to get any and all cleaning jobs done. Here’s a great site for “recipes” to create anything from oven cleaner to silver polish. I’ve also heard that a little Ivory Liquid Soap and warm water will clean just about anything.

3. Think about your thermostat.
There’s a couple things you could do here. First, adjust your thermostat so that your heater or air conditioning isn’t running full speed ahead while you’re at work. Think about it. You’re mostly likely gone a minimum of eight hours each day. That’s a lot of energy being used for no real purpose. Second, make a “two degree pledge.” That means you set your thermostat two degrees cooler in the winter, two degrees warmer in the summer. It might seem uncomfortable at first, but you’ll get used to it. And if not, you can feel slightly smug in your discomfort.

I’d love to hear what other suggestions the RVANews audience has. Leave your tips in the comments, kids.

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Valerie Catrow

Valerie Catrow is editor of RVAFamily, mother to a mop-topped first grader, and always really excited to go to bed.

March 21, 2008 9

Making it my business: puppies and babies!

Find out if you’re ready take the leap into pet-owner status and get ideas for where to take your little tyke without baby-hating punks shaking their fists at you.

March 13, 2008; 8:00 AM • by Valerie Catrow

Hey, you got some questions? Send ’em on over to val@rvanews.com. Meanwhile, take a gander at what’s on other peoples’ minds lately…

Dear Valerie,

I want a dog in the worst way, but I can’t decide if now is the time to get one. You own some dogs. What do you think the pros and cons are and what you would recommend a prospective dog owner take into consideration before tying the knot. The leash knot.

Thanks!
Dubious Dog-lover

Here’s the thing, Double D (Ha! Hilarious!). If you get a dog, you’ll most likely love it an insane amount. So much to the point that the pros will outweigh the cons by like a million. But, for the sake of keeping you informed, I’ll lay it all out for you.

Pro: Puppies are so little and helpless!

Con: Puppies are so little and helpless!

Seriously, you need to be ready to invest some time in the beginning so they get used to their surroundings, get a routine established, and know their place in the household dynamic. But trust me, the time at beginning is well worth it and you will soon long for the days of a wee pup curled up on your chest and breathing puppy breath into your face.

Pro: You will be greeted enthusiastically time you come home. Or walk in the room. Or change positions on the couch.

Con: Being the center of a pup’s universe means just that: THEY LIVE FOR YOU.

If don’t love on dogs, they can act out in a variety of inconvenient ways, like chewing things (or THEMSELVES as one of ours did) or relieving themselves on the carpet even though they’re way beyond house training. This doesn’t mean you need to snuggle and baby-talk to them constantly, but they do deserve some consistent loving, particularly when they are little, so you can continue that trust relationship.

Pro: They LOVE to snuggle and play.

Con: You can no longer have anything “nice.”

If you like to snuggle with your dog on the couch or in bed, be prepared for the fact that eventually you will find a mysterious earth-colored (or, let’s face it, poop colored) footprint on your furniture. And while playing is awesome, your nice hardwood floors and carpets will bare the brunt of the abuse that is Dog Talons.

When it comes down to it, you just need to decide if you’re ready to be responsible for something that really is dependent on you. I’ve always felt that getting a dog requires more commitment than getting a cat (Don’t throw things at my head, cat-lovers!). Dogs need to be taken out, they thrive on your attention, and they require a bit more planning if you want to go out of town. But they are a heck of a lot happier to see you when you get home.

Dear Valerie,

Spring is coming. I am sure of it. I have a friend who has just moved to town and doesn’t get out much (she also has a sixth month old baby). Do you have any recommendations about where to send her in town for some good, baby-friendly, fair-weather activities?

Sincerely,
Family Friendly Friend

Your friend is in luck, F^3. Personally, I think Richmond is a superbly kid-friendly city and there are tons of options.

Maymont is a great place to start. I nannied for a bajillion years for little ones younger, the same age, and older than your friend’s kid, and it seems to please all around. The petting zoo is always a big hit, as are the otters at the Nature Center. Best part? FREE.

Metro-Richmond Zoo is another option if we’re trying to keep the young one entertained. They’ve got a crazy variety of animals, including giraffes that you can FEED. The only downside is that adult admission is about $9. But, if your friend thinks she’ll go there a lot, she can get a year-long pass for $27 that will pay for itself in three visits.

Your friend can also pass a couple hours by taking a long stroll down Monument Avenue. This way she will get some fresh air and teach her kid about Ye Olde Southe.

Last but not least, is the old standby: Cary Town. It’s got wide sidewalks that are great for strollers, plenty of restaurants to pop in for a snack, and magical places like World of Mirth and Mongrel if you need to get out of the sun.

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Valerie Catrow

Valerie Catrow is editor of RVAFamily, mother to a mop-topped first grader, and always really excited to go to bed.

March 13, 2008 1

Making it my business: tact is where it’s at

In which I crush awkwardness with my Southern sense of propriety.

March 3, 2008; 9:28 AM • by Valerie Catrow

Here’s the part where I give some advice…

Dearest Valerie,

So I have this friend who’s in a band and I occasionally go see him play, just to be supportive. The thing is, the band sucks. What am I supposed to say when he asks me for my honest opinion of how they do?

Thanks,
Chum in a Crunch

The way I see it, Chum, the only reason you would to worry about being 100% honest here is if your friend is planning on quitting his day job to make his crappy music the focus of his life. Then you could voice your distaste under the pretense of being concerned for his future. But, if this is a just a side thing that your friend does, there’s no need to be an a-hole about it. When asked to give your two cents, go with a simple, “You know, this type of music really isn’t my thing, but I’m really impressed with you being able to get up there.” Leave it at that.

And one more thing, Chum. If you’re not going to tell your musician friend that you hate his music, make sure you don’t tell anyone else either. Nothing sucks more than finding out from someone else that a good friend wasn’t being honest. Talk about a-hole.

Dear Valerie,

I have a coworker who I’m not close with at all who is constantly asking me personal questions like when my boyfriend and I are going to get married and my views on political issues like abortion and gay marriage. I don’t want to seem defensive or closed off by not answering her questions, but I don’t think I should have to be put in this position. I have no clue what to do.

Help!
Concerned Colleague

Oh, CC. This can be so tricky. You want your coworkers to think that you’re down! fun! and approachable! But, at the same time, you don’t want them to think that all aspects of your life are fair game for discussion while in the break room. Or, from my personal experiences, in the bathroom. Seriously. People *love* to talk to me in the bathroom, whether we’ve met before or not. I need to issue a PSA letting everyone know that once that stall door closes, all conversation stops. I mean, I’m *doing* something in there.

Moving on. You are right to be concerned and hesitant to get into it about these issues within a work setting. Work relationships are complicated enough without bringing personal values into the mix. And hopefully I will validate your concern by telling you that your coworker *is* being inappropriate. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make the situation any less awkward. But, it has to be dealt with.

If your coworker brings up a sensitive or personal issue, just say, “Honestly, Ms. Nosey-Face (or you know, whatever her name is), I try to avoid talking about stuff like that at the office.” try to keep your tone nice and breezy and avoid sounding defensive or accusatory. You don’t need to give any more of an explanation, and she would be intrusive to ask for one. More than likely, she doesn’t realize she’s been crossing the line and will apologize. But, if she gets upset with you, you can rest in the knowledge that 1) she is wrong and 2) she most likely won’t bring it up again.

—

Ok, RVANews fans. My bank of questions is about to run out, so if anything is on your mind, let me know. Or I’ll be forced to write responses to made up questions like “Valerie, how can I be as awesome as you?”

So, hop to. Email me at val@rvanews.com.

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Valerie Catrow

Valerie Catrow is editor of RVAFamily, mother to a mop-topped first grader, and always really excited to go to bed.

March 3, 2008 0

Making it my business: the ins and outs of work ettiquette

Find out how to maintain that delicate workplace balance between professionalism, humility, and happy hour.

February 25, 2008; 9:53 AM • by Valerie Catrow

Let my wisdom astound you!


Dear Valerie,

What is the best way to look/act when your boss at a staff meeting announces that you are being promoted or are being given a new responsibility that was coveted by the rest of the staff?
Thanks!
Curious Coworker

I’m assuming this question is coming from two possible experiences: 1) You recently suffered an exceedingly smug and obnoxious coworker getting said promotion and you want to validate your visceral reaction or 2) You’re getting the feeling that *you* might be getting the promotion and you want to know what to do. If it’s option #1, you’re justified. If it’s #2, congrats and you’re right to want to be cautious.

Most people spend most of their lives at work. Consequently, we spend most of our time with our coworkers. Maintaining that delicate balance of friendliness and professionalism is tricky enough without throwing competition into the mix. So, one word here: gracious. When the announcement is made, smile, say “thank you,” and move on. Don’t feign shock, but don’t be cocky. If it comes up in conversation later (and don’t even think about mentioning it yourself), take a similar approach, remembering that less is always is more and no one wants to hear about how awesome you are.

Dear Valerie,

I work in an office with people who are all around the same age. We all get along really well and people are always going out after work or meeting up to hang out over the weekend. I really like everyone, but I need a life outside of work, too. How do I get out of it without hurting their feelings?

Sincerely,
Happy Hour Hesitant

I totally know where you’re coming from, HHH. I work with some of the most awesome people in town and I love hanging out with them, but I also have a husband who I rarely see during the week and with whom I’d occasionally like to spend some alone time.

In figuring out this situation, it’s important to remember that bonding with your coworkers is necessary. I’m not saying you need to be BFF, HHH, but you do need to find some common ground. The way I see it, you’ve got a few options…

First, don’t forget about that whole lunch thing. If you can’t hang out in the evenings or on weekends, make yourself available to go out for a bite to eat. Not only will you get a solid hour of conversation-time, you’ll probably spend significantly less money than you would on drinks or dinner.

Second, mentally prepare yourself to be available once a month. This will work especially well if your coworkers have a standard weekly, hang out time. Pick a date, commit to it, and go.

Third, and this might seem a bit CRAZY, but I suggest you try making your worlds collide. I know, I’m nuts! Invite a couple coworkers to hang out with you and some non-work friends. This way you’re putting in the work-crew love, but also maintaining your out-of-work relationships. And who knows? Maye everyone will get along famously and it will turn into an all-out awesomefest.

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Valerie Catrow

Valerie Catrow is editor of RVAFamily, mother to a mop-topped first grader, and always really excited to go to bed.

February 25, 2008 4

Making it my business: it’s all about consistency

Helping parents let go and finding the holy grail of housebreaking.

February 18, 2008; 8:33 AM • by Valerie Catrow

Advice. Let me show you it.

Dear Valerie,

I need some help with mastering that weird transition into being my parents’ adult child. It’s like they don’t get they’re not my main source of advice-giving, so they compensate by bulking up on the guilt trip. I understand that they’re effectively jobless if I’m independent, but seriously.

Thanks!
Miss All-Grows Up

I’ve gone through a similarly difficult time making this transition with my mother. It didn’t help that I was her youngest and I got married first. In the first few weeks after we got back from our honeymoon, my mom called me constantly and actually told me that she expected me to check in with her every day to tell her what I was doing.

That’s right.

While I wanted to respond with a resounding, “Are you insane?!?” I went with the more diplomatic, “Mom, I’m doing great. But I’ll be sure to call you if I need anything.” She wasn’t thrilled with that response but she couldn’t be angry with it either. And I made the point to call her a couple times a week at first with questions, some real, some made up, to make her still feel needed.

Don’t get me wrong. We still have our ups and downs and huge servings of guilt shoved my way every once in a while. But when my mom plays the “I just don’t feel like you need me” card, I take a deep breath and say, “You just did a really good job teaching me to be independent. You should be proud that I’m capable of doing things on my own.”

When dealing with issues, try to keep these four points in mind:

1. Don’t yell. Yelling makes you look immature any way you slice it. And they will ultimately flashback to that time when you were three and screaming “I DO IT MYSELF!” while trying to put your arms through your pant leg.

2. Edit carefully. You don’t need to tell you parents about everything in your life. From my experience, parents feel the need to fix things. They seem to assume that just because you’re mentioning a problem that you’re asking for advice. If you don’t want advice, don’t bring it up.

3. Pick your battles. Just as your parents learned to let things go when you were growing up, you’ll need to do the same with them during this transition. It might take a few deep breaths at first, but soon you’ll be able to smile straight through your mothers’ comments about how she can’t believe your boss lets you come to work with your hair looking like that without a second thought.

4. Be respectful and patient. You’re here because of them and you’ve been their main focus since they found out you were on the way. “I love you” and “thank you” go a long way.

Dear Valerie,

I’m having a really hard time housebreaking my dog. No matter what we do, we can’t seem to figure out when he’s telling us that he needs to go outside. Any tips?

Sincerely,
Perturbed Pup-Parent

I’ve gotta say, even though I’m bad at getting my dogs to stop jumping on people, I’m awesome at getting them over the whole crapping in the house phase. So you’ve come to the right place.

Here’s what you do:

1. Go to Michael’s or any craft store and by a medium-sized or large bell.

2. Yes, a bell.

3 . Tie the bell to the door you use when taking the dog out. Make sure it hangs low enough where the dog can reach it.

4. Take your dog’s paw and show him how to swat at the bell and make it ring.

5. Take him outside immediately.

6. Keep him outside until he does his business.

7. Praise him to the high heavens.

7. Repeat steps 4-7 whenever you take him out, based on his normal “business” schedule.

Now I can guarantee that as soon as your dog realizes that bell = time outside, he will ring it over and over again just to see what you do. During this training time, you MUST take him out each time he rings the bell. But, if he doesn’t get busy as soon as you go out, bring him right back in. No scolding, no praising. Just no more time outside.

We did this after struggling for a few weeks with our first dog and it worked immediately. Even better, we didn’t even have to train our second one to do this; she just copied what our first dog did.

Now maybe you can tell me what to do about the jumping. Thoughts, Internets?

(Got a question? Send it my way, little grasshopper.)

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Valerie Catrow

Valerie Catrow is editor of RVAFamily, mother to a mop-topped first grader, and always really excited to go to bed.

February 18, 2008 3