GWAR, Me, and the Onrushing Grip of Death
The most interesting story to ever come out of GWAR is the one people know the least about. It’s the story of my life, and nobody is more qualified to tell that story than me.
Note from Oderus: Greetings, scum. Don’t believe a word of what follows. This Brockie guy has been claiming to be me for years. I’d shut him up but I can never seem to get my hands on him! Anyhoo, the above shot is of Flattus, Jizmak, and Balsac, hard at work on their upcoming album, Lust in Space, at Richmond’s Karma Studios. Notice I am not in the shot. Thats because I am taking the picture, you knob!
The most interesting story to ever come out of GWAR is the one people know the least about. It doesn’t have anything to do with Balsac the Jaws of Death, Gor-Gor the tyrant lizard, or even the incredibly confusing Dr. Mr. Mrs. Prof. Skulhed…Face. It’s about the people and the city that gave GWAR life. How a bunch of pot-addled art-skool rejects rose from the rubble of an abandoned milk-bottling plant on a mission to make the world a filthier place and put Richmond metal on the map in the process. It’s the story of my life, and nobody is more qualified to tell that story than me.
Thats right, it’s ME, Dave Brockie, semi-renown Richmond malcontent and proud portrayer of GWAR’s be-nutted lead singer, Oderus Urungus. The only surviving original member. Two-time Grammy loser. For 25 years and counting I have been the shame of Richmond, and indeed, my own life. And if someone else isn’t going to write my memoirs, goddammit I will! So lets get this obligatory intro section out of the way and wade into the river of smut and gore that my life has been…
For those of you that have been hanging out with Osama (ask him if he liked the sandals I sent him), GWAR is the most notorious metal band in music history. Never has a group been so successful with their asses hanging out. Our continuing displays of public sodomy, our “satanic blood orgies”, the way our costumes smell…all point towards a group of artists and musicians who are deeply disturbed. But perhaps the most astonishing thing about GWAR is the legs of the project, which is now entering its 25th year of existence (on planet Earth, anyway). Who would have thought such an obnoxious concept (rubber monsters pissing on you) would be so endearing to so many.? But what’s even more amazing is that after 25 years of back-breaking labor (as my herniated L3 will tell you) and international exposure (to cholera) we are all still broke as shit.
It was a typical day. I was up early with a bong jammed in my face. There wasn’t even any weed in the bowl; I was just loosely rubbing my lips on it and staring out the window. I was thinking about Municipal Waste and Lamb of God, two Richmond bands that used to open up for us were now out together on a tour where in one month they would make more money than I had in my entire life. Here I was after 25 years of slaving it out with GWAR and I barely had enough money to blow the rest of it on pot. And Campbell (Lamb of God bass player) was buying a stretch Hummer limo with a camo-paint job! It just wasn’t fair. Then I realized there was a pretty good reason GWAR was never a commercial success, other than the fact that our art sucks and our music is even worse (just kidding, just kidding). It was because throughout 25 years of semi-success, I had been running around with around with my dick hanging out. I had even been arrested for it once, but did that stop me? Of course not! I just made it a foot longer and insisted in court that it was a fish. You see, I don’t equate success with riches – I judge it by how much I run around with my dick hanging out. But the older and fatter I get, the more I find myself challenging some of my earlier, more idealistic notions about life. Like good things happen to good people. I was a bad person, and good stuff happened to me all the time! Like just last week, when I got sucked off.
But at the age of 45 there was one thing worrying me a little. I didn’t have health insurance, and I was unlikely to get it on a GWAR salary. We are required by law to buy tour, building and just about every other kind of insurance under the sun except for… us. And ever since my ass rotted out out I have been more concerned about my health. But health concerns and funeral arrangements are just the beginnings of my lust for money! But what’s an aging rocker to do, besides fill a bus with strippers and make a TV show? Then it hit me like a wet mackerel! I would write a best-selling novel filled with smut, blood, sex and rock and roll…and all of it would be true…except for the bits I make up. The story of the many lives that gave GWAR its. So let’s start at the beginning…
Next time: I AM ATTACKED BY WILD ANIMALS
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Notice: Comments that are not conducive to an interesting and thoughtful conversation may be removed at the editor’s discretion.
Maybe this is the collaboration that Jack (Goes Forth) is looking for — ghost writer for Dave Brockie!
All I ask Dave is that you don’t go into infinite detail about our, um, “experimenting” together. It’s still too painful…
Dave, you probably don’t remember me and I’m sure you don’t remember the night, but I’ll never forgive you for that time you cock-blocked me at Twisters. It was in the bag, man!
I’ll read your book though…
Awesome. My senior English teacher in High school allegedly taught most of your bandmates, but expressed noted disappointment to have not taught you. Not quite sure what that means, but you should be honored I guess?
i think this is an incredible idea.brilliant!!if you only remember half of the past 25 years and only write about half of that ,the readers will still be completely shocked.get ready for some seriously insane shit,world!
I can’t wait to see what you remember and what I forgot. Some of the fun we had has resulted in the loss of brain cells.
Where do I send all my money??????
Shit the bed!!!!
i would actually learn to read if someone bought me this book of Gwar stories…..you see what i did there? War stories but with a G infront!
I amaze myself sometimes!
I too, , will buy your book Dave. It’s the least I can do for all your indirect mentoring over the past 25 years…. 25 YEARS!?!?!?! God DAMN that went by fast..
Hey Dave,
Larry from your health club here. Just wanted to say you rock!!!
Take Care.
Brockie gone, Campbell in
score one for southside….or is this a wash?
Gwar is cool without your dick hanging out, . If they play their cards right I dont see how Gwar cant make a killing off a video game, then we wont have to watch Oderous descend into govt. enslavement to universal healthcare. Health care for the whole f-ing universe! Oderous the do-gooder liberal
I can’t wait! I’m sure this will give a whole new meaning to the term “Graphic Novel”.
I WOULD BE THE FIRST TO BUY YOUR BOOK…I HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT YEARS BACK….WHAT IF THESE GUYS COULD WRITE DOWN THE DAY TO DAY OR SHOULD I SAY NIGHT TO NIGHT EXPERINCES…A DAY IN THE LIFE OF GWAR. GWAR HELL IT WOULD BE A #1 SELLER NO DOUBT.
Municipal Waste and Lamb of God make more money cause more people like their music. Gwar is music plus gimmiks, its more about the show.
This is what I’m talking about! Don’t forget to charge for it!!
Dave – reading some of the stories that Chuck and Bishop have posted over at Bohab Central, I’d love to see a book that collects all those awesome tour stories from different band members points of view. As cool as the Scumdogs are, I’ve always been more interested in learning about the real life characters behind the costumes.
Love It!!!
Wow.
I seen GWAR for the first time May 8th in PA.
I’ve got to say you guys are the best band I have ever seen.
Fuck Lamb of God, GWAR deserves so much more.
Keep going Dave I love the music and the show.
Dave , this is great!! You with this book, if Gorman could finally finish the coffee table book, and I like Huntermc’s idea of putting all the stories from bohab central together, that would make a kick ass trilogy of Gwar books!!!
Thanks for all the years of enjoyment! Look forward to more in the future!
let your dick hang, i will buy 20 of your books and just pass them out. yeah yeah with the lamb of god and the waste. i love them too. but good thing come to those who wait. your time is now. youve proved end earned it and worked twice as hard. you will be payed in double!! karma remember. keep doin what your doin!!!
All these fucking record labels and everybody else thats made a buck off of metal should have to contribute to their healthcare.Especially the guys that devote their lives to metal.Dammit something must be done!
Dave,
I am glad you are still out there pissing into the wind. Don’t stop, no matter what happens, keep the cages rattling!!!
Your fan,
CT
DB – Excellent – You needed to do this – Im thankful this is off your memories and not out of the “long lost but found tour diaries”
I refuse to believe Sikki Nixx really could write pre 2000s
R.I.P. Dave! You will not be forgotten!!
Rest and be restless, make appearances when folks want to see yer ghost. <3 ya Dave B aka Oderus. Thank you for all the memories and fun as a kid and my son recently at a concert. I m glad to say i say ya live.
I Hope Someone Releases This Entire Thing. Hopefully Dave Had Some More Written Up That Didn’t Make It Here, Maybe the Rest Of The GWAR Family Can Finish This And Make It A Proper Book. I Love That RVANEWS Has Left All Of This Up For Us To Read And Remember How Damn Awesome Dave Was. R.I.P. David M. Brockie. I Truly Miss Ya Buddy.
It was a crazy ride starting in 1981. I will miss you sooooo much