5 Things

ATTENTION! ATTENTION! Read all about it! Richmond has kick-ass live music, food, culture, and wedding paraphernalia happening this weekend! Only nitwits will stay indoors and bitch about not having anything to do! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

June 23, 2011; 6:00 AM • by Nathan Cushing

So, I tried showering at night, undercutting my morning shower routine that I’ve cultivated for most of my life. You, know. Mix things up. BE CRAZY! Unfortunately, it didn’t work to my liking, and I felt like this throughout the day. Scary, I know. So I’m back to showering in da’ morning, but I’m still not feeling right… I KNOW! I need my fix of music, culture, and food to get me back on my ‘A’ game!

1. Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings

Like the Ramones said, you need a little bit of soul to put you right. I would love to pleasure you (awkward!) with my soulful crooning, but my voice sounds about as good as Fran Drescher writhing on the toilet with explosive diarrhea. Fret not! The last installment of Friday Cheers features a superb summer soul-stice (see what I did there? Pretty clever, huh?) with Sharon Jones and The (ever-dapper) Dap-Kings. I freely admit, I’m one of those people who thinks that live music is over-rated (DON’T DISPUTE ME!). But I would DEFINITELY go see her.

We’re giving away 2 tickets. Enter yo’ info below!

Fri. June 24 • 6:30pm
Brown’s Island
$10

2. Cultsha Xpo

Everything sounds better with the phonetic suffix –sha. Look out, here comes a swooping vult-sha! I hope this doesn’t become a nagging problem in the fut-sha! Although that vult-sha would make for a pretty bitchin’ sculpt-sha! See what I’m saying? The Cultsha Xpo will be replete with science, art, history, and general family fun that is going to totally NOT SUCK! In fact, it’ll probably be pretty damn cool. Having your own family is mad expensive (although you can find some good prices on Amazon in case you’re in the market for one), so you’ll want to take advantage of the FREE price (DON’T DISPUTE ME!).

Sat. June 25 • All day
Science Museum of Virginia, 2500 W. Broad St.
FREE

3. 8th Annual Taste of India Festival

INDIA! The country rules so hard it doesn’t need to rule hard at all. It’s home to the oldest living religion, is one of the world’s most emergent financial markets, and is the setting to ONE OF THE GREATEST TELEVISION SHOWS IN HISTORY (read: sarcasm). But who has the time and money to fly there and take in their wonderful panoply of history and cultsha? Not this guy! Well, rest your Outourced-Tivo’ing head. The Culture (hmm…they spelled cultsha wrong) Center of India will be putting on their Annual Taste of India Festival. Authentic food, clothing, and other Indian goodies will be on display. We may not be able to make it to India, but at least we can grab a taste this weekend.

Sat, June 25 & Sun, June 26 • 12pm – 9pm
Culture Center of India, 6641 Ironbridge Parkway, Chester, VA
FREE admission; plate prices vary

4. Richmond Wedding Expo

GUYS! Do you love attending wedding-centric events? Guys? Guys…?

Nevermind.

LADIES! Do you love attending wedding-centric events? Of course you do! That’s all you think about, right? “My wedding” this and “my wedding” that, blah…blah…blah (DON’T DISPUTE ME!). Well, most of us guys just roll their eyes at your longing for matrimonial urges. So, wouldn’t it be great if there was a place where you wouldn’t be judged by the roving band of unsophisticated and unlettered slack-jawed yokels that we are? Head to the Richmond Wedding Expo to meet and greet leading wedding professionals and see the latest in gownwear.

Sun., June 26 • Doors open at 12pm
Hilton Richmond/Short Pump, 12042 W. Broad Street
$9; $1 off w/ Richmond Times-Dispatch ad or downloaded coupon

5. TANK

Remeber Tank Girl? She was SOOOO hot. The R&B singer, TANK, ain’t so bad looking, either. And the dude can sing, too! He’s Grammy Award-nominated and his name is TANK! C’mon. Who would you rather hear? A good-looking man with talent, or my shrill voice with accompanying scruffy and tattooed aesthetics?