My crazy “detox” diet

So at the beginning of this year my wife and I decided to go on this detox diet to “cleanse” our bodies of “stuff”. I’ll be honest, my wife wanted to do it and I said I would go along for the ride. Biggest mistake of my life! I haven’t been very pleasant to be […]

So at the beginning of this year my wife and I decided to go on this detox diet to “cleanse” our bodies of “stuff”. I’ll be honest, my wife wanted to do it and I said I would go along for the ride. Biggest mistake of my life! I haven’t been very pleasant to be around, just ask anyone that’s been around me. Here’s the things you CAN’T eat:

The Big Three
– Wheat
– Sugar
– Dairy

Limited Quantities of
– Red Meat
– Pork
– Tomatoes (for some odd reason)
– Caffeine (which honestly, I have chosen to ignore)

I think I have figured this thing out though — I eat a lot of beans, talk about “cleansing”.

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  1. I’m big on these cleanses. The tomatoes are acidic and a proper cleanse shifts the pH in your body to alkaline. Be sure to take some psyllium husks every now and then for a real “roto-rooter” effect. Oh, and I think pork IS red meat. Either way, if you stick with green veggies and fresh fruits for the most part, you’ll probably drop some weight and pick up some energy.

  2. Ugh he is a total butthole now. TOTAL BUTTHOLE.

  3. Thanks Ross.. I wasn’t looking for people to agree with that. If I could only fire you.

  4. See what I have to deal with people?

  5. Man, how did your check get into MY checking account. Weird.

  6. I’m on the “Stop Putting So Much Food in Your Mouth” diet and the “You have to Move Occasionally So You Don’t Die” exercise plan for the New Year. I think the detox diet would kill me.

  7. Hey that is my plan too! I refuse to exercise so I am just going to not eat every damn thing I see. Hopefully it will work out.

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