Redskins: RGIII injured, Real Houswives of Atlanta, and Alfred Morris drives a Mazda

With this past weekend’s loss to the Falcons, the Redskins have lost eight consecutive home games.

October 9, 2012; 7:27 AM • by Beth Petty

I used to love going to Redskins games as a kid. But back then, we used to go to RFK stadium for the games. Part of the thrill of going to RFK was not the fact that a Super Bowl win was still in the very recent past or that Joe Gibbs was coach. Redskins games at RFK were exciting because by the 4th quarter, the stadium would start shaking so badly that you never quite knew if you were going to live or die. There was always this remote chance that the whole thing would just collapse.

When we moved over to FedEx, we lost that rush. The stadium is just too big, but I have to admit, I still love going to games. With school, I didn’t get a chance to go at all last season, so I did a little online research today for tickets later this season. AND THEN I REMEMBERED THAT WE HAVE LOST 8 STRAIGHT HOME GAMES. So I decided to check out YouTubes of unlikely animal friendships instead.

That’s right. We have lost 8 home games in a row. And, boy, that’s a long, sad drive down 95 after a loss that I could just as easily enjoy on my couch. Our eighth loss came Sunday against the Falcons, leaving us with a 2-3 record, after falling short 24-17.

We knew it was going to happen, right? RGIII was never going to be able to continue to make those runs without getting hurt. I’m confident there was a giant, collective gasp heard within a 250-mile radius of FedEx when he took that hit from Falcons’ LB Sean Weatherspoon on 3rd and goal in the 3rd. After the Redskins released the super technical medical diagnosis that he was “shaken up,” we learned that Griffin suffered a concussion. Thankfully, ~~Kirk Cousins’s hair~~ Kirk Cousins was able to step up, at least for a bit. He had a nice throw to Santana for a TD (and two interceptions to seal our loss, but whatevs). But seriously though, guys, HIS HAIR. Was that Kirk Cousins or this guy?? I’m dying to know his secret…

I think I’m getting off track. So let’s go back to bashing Billy Cundiff. I’m with the rest of you that he’ll be looking for a job by the middle of next week after missing that 31-yarder Sunday. But don’t worry, Billy knows math. Grant Paulsen reported that Billy said after the game:

Billy Cundiff: “You look at the final score and obviously, even if I would’ve made that field goal we still would’ve needed 4 more points.”— Grant Paulsen (@granthpaulsen) October 7, 2012

Oh honey, I think you’ve missed the point (and more than a few field goals). While your subtraction is indeed correct, I’m confident that Shanny will be doing some math too, and it will look something like this: 12 (attempts) – 5 (misses) + 1 (saving grace) = 1 cute, however unemployed, kicker.

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Positives

LB Ryan Kerrigan was all “dudes, must I do everything?!” and DHall was all “uh, well, yeah man, that’d be great if you did.” But thank goodness he has. His pick-6 in the 2nd quarter was awesome. I was devastated when Orakpo was placed on IR, but Kerrigan is the perfect guy to step up the beastliness. He said he was overall disappointed with his pass protection, but I was more disappointed with that sad Lambeau leap he attempted to do into the stands after his TD. Well, actually, it was kinda adorable.
Alfred Morris continued to impress with another 100+ yard game. Then the guys at Fox had the audacity to say that he is all humble because he drives a Mitsubishi WHEN WE ALL KNOW IT IS A MAZDA. Sheesh.
Kroy Biermann. Guys, I know he plays for the Falcons, but he’s also married to Kim Zolciak, like my favorite Real Housewife. And any day where I can combine my two ultimate loves, the Redskins and Real Housewives of Atlanta, is a good day. Don’t worry, I’m sure I’m judging myself way more than y’all are judging me right now.

Negatives

It sounds like RGIII will be back for Sunday’s game against the Vikings, but that kind of hit just cannot happen anymore this season. Throw the ball away. Get out of bounds. Collapse in a heap and cry like a little girl. I don’t care. Just don’t ever do again what you did Sunday.
<Insert obligatory snarky Billy Cundiff comment here.>
Third down conversions. We need them, no?

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Next week we take on the 4-1 Minnesota Vikings. Our defense is really going to have to bring it, especially against Minnesota’s running game (looking at you Kerrigan and Riley). My hope is that we can stop Vikings RB Adrian Peterson (who is injured but expected to play) and WR Percy Harvin. But if not, well, it might be a long three hours on Sunday afternoon.

I guess we’ll also have to wait and see who will be our starting quarterback after they finish testing RGIII. If he doesn’t play, Cousins will start as backup. If Sexy Rexy is still hurt on Sunday, that means our little 153-pound lightning bolt Brandon Banks will be Cousins’ backup. And if it gets to that, well, the game is blown anyway, so we might as well have some fun with it.

Finally, Shanny looks like he’s going to find a new kicker before Sunday’s game. Michael, I know Graham Gano is available, but we have been through a lot this season. Please don’t do that to us. I’m begging you.

HAIL!