Archives: Off the Clock old

The kids are all right

Two third graders were caught engaging in sexual activity, right in their classroom. Is the sky falling or just some cute little Garanimals pants?

Snookies and milk

Snooki from Jersey Shore is having a baby. Can a hard-drinking, pants-peeing, hot tub-loving party girl turn out to be a good mom? I did.

What’s the skinny

Ioana Spangenberg is a model who weighs 85 pounds and has a 20 inch waist. What does the internet think about her body? Plenty.

I’m a Believer

Davy Jones of The Monkees died last week at 66. This is my love letter to the man who took me from a girl to a woman, without even knowing it.

Where my girls at?

Beyoncé asked a profound question: “Who run the world?” I don’t know, Beyoncé, but I’d like to have a word with them.

Linsane in the membrane

What do grocery store courtesy clerks have in common with NBA superstars? Jerks.

Remembering Whitney Houston: Where do broken hearts go?

Whitney Houston died. The world lies in shock and sadness. But surprise? Not so much. I love an addict, and this makes me angry.

Love, Checkout Girl style

Are you crazy in love or just plain crazy? Even though my track record with amore is, shall we say, less than stellar, I respect you, either way.

Parenting, Future-Style

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have blocked their own names as search terms on their children’s computers. I, on the other hand, am straightforward with my children about what they might find when Googling my name. How do you toe the line between protecting your children from the ugly truth and burdening them with it?

A Sorta Fairytale

Relationships are complex, like a beautiful and intricate spider web. Or a straight jacket. Here’s how I ruined one. Unlike Newt Gingrich, I’m not blaming my patriotism.