Good Morning, RVA: Ssssssmokin’

Hot as a snake out there today! Stay hydrated.

Good morning, RVA! It’s 67 °F, and temperatures today, as Jim Carrey would say, are ssssssssmokin’. Expect highs in the upper 80s, some scattered storms in the evening, and, if you’re lucky, a chance of dated 90s cultural references.

Water cooler

The Richmond Kickers take on RVA FC in the second round of the US Open Cup and first ever RVA Derby. That’s right, I’m talking about soccer! The Cup pits teams from varying levels of soccer against each other in a massive, rivalry-affirming tournament. Kickoff (?) is at 7:00 PM, and tickets are just $12 at Sports Backers Stadium. The winner advances to play either FC Lehigh Valley or Harrisburg City on May 28th.

Graham Moomaw’s Daily Shockoe Stadium Update brings bad news for bachelorette parties: “The land costs are unclear, as are the precise boundaries of the development footprint, which would now affect Tiki Bob’s Cantina…”

I tried to come up with a succinct explanation of this Colonial Downs press release but failed. Just know that there may or may not be thoroughbred racing this year, the press release reads like the script to a 1920s gangster movie, and that they’re looking for a few good horsemen.

This post about a local teenager who was kicked out of the Richmond Homeschool Prom has hit national media. Here’s the tl;dr in her words: “And goddamn it, I am so tired of people who abuse their power to make women feel violated and ashamed because she has an ass, or has breasts, or has long legs.”

Headline of the day: Woman claims Justin Bieber stole her cellphone at miniature golf course.

And finally, some meta news. I’ll be out of town for the next couple of days, but I’ve lined up a crack team of guest authors to keep you in the know. I think I’ll miss you, reader, most of all.

This morning’s longread

What’s the happiest 5-word sentence you could hear?

Two long reddit comments from some guy on the internet about how stressful your life gets after winning the lottery. The first details the risks (120 times more likely to be murdered by a family member!?), and the second offers some advice should you strike it rich. All to be taken with a grain of salt, of course.

Believe it or not, your biggest enemy if you suddenly become possessed of large sums of money is… you. At least you will have the consolation of meeting your fate by your own hand. But if you can’t manage it on your own, don’t worry. There are any number of willing participants ready to help you start your vicious downward spiral for you. Mind you, many of these will be “friends,” “friendly neighbors,” or “family.” Often, they won’t even have evil intentions. But, as I’m sure you know, that makes little difference in the end. Most aren’t evil. Most aren’t malicious. Some are. None are good for you.

Photo by: chichacha

This morning’s Instagram

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Ross Catrow

Founder and publisher of RVANews.

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