Tough call
Kids and cell phones: Should it happen? If so, when? Do the benefits outweigh the hassle, or vice versa? Come see where we stand and be sure to chime in.
Editor’s note: Today’s feature is the newest installment of our parenting column written by two sets of Richmonders: Jorge and Patience Salgado (veteran parents of four gorgeous children), and Ross and Valerie Catrow (parenting rookies who have only been doing this “raising a child thing” for a little while). Check back fortnightly to watch them discuss/agree/disagree/throw down over all kinds of parenting issues, Richmond-related and beyond.
Today’s question: Should kids be allowed to have cell phones?
The Salgados
There is a certain person in our family, who shall remain nameless (cough, Jorge, cough) who has an addiction to cell phones. For years friends have been visiting our home only to find brand new-looking cell phones in the toy box. They bring them to us with a look of concern, sure they have now become an instant hero for finding the phone we have been searching for.
“Oh thanks, but that phone is from 3 months ago. The kids play with now – it really is a toy,” I try to explain.
I kid you not, I cannot even count the number of phones that have passed through our hands over the years. The love of gadgetry runs deep and has apparently been passed on into the very DNA of our oldest son who happens to be only nine years old. He asks us on a regular basis when he will be able to get a cell phone. Every time this happens I glance over at the direction of my husband whose eye brows are doing the “Why not?” sort of expression. This is the child who can barely remember his own phone number because he rarely ever even touches a phone. Not exactly the chatty Cathy in our bunch.
When does it become appropriate for a child to have their own phone? I can see the advantages of allowing your ten-year-old to have one, but I’m not sure if there is an actual need. I can call when I’m running late for a pick up, or he can let me know when he’s forgotten his glasses. There is also the emergency and safety argument as a phone can give me instant access. Learning to be responsible and taking a step towards independence might be potential life lessons for our soon to be tween.
While it probably isn’t exactly necessary, being lovers of technology and true geekness will be the real reason we invest in a phone for our son in the next year or so.
For better or worse, we will be texting and checking twitter 24/7 not only right beside him, but hopefully to him, in the best and geekiest way
The Catrows
No one had cell phones when we were growing up. Some fancy people had car phones, and I vaguely remember when Ross’s parents brought home this newfangled “flip phone” that just about blew my mind. But it just wasn’t a “thing” then. Landlines and pay phones were our only options.
And, man, it was a pain.
I lived in constant fear of the off chance that I might not be able to get home when I said I would, terrified of what would be waiting for me on the other side of my front door. My mom always said, “If you’re going to be late, just call, I won’t be mad.” And I’m sure she wouldn’t have been, had I ever been able to call her without having to move the sun, moon, and stars to locate a working pay phone.
Needless to say, kids and parents being able to get in touch with each other was a major point of contention when we were growing up – the cause of much drama, strife, and slamming doors.
Luckily, thanks to cell phones, that will likely be a conflict we’ll be able to avoid as our boy gets older.
We are currently of the mind cell phones are great for kids in the right situations. For an eight-year-old who never goes anywhere and just wants to call his friends to talk about what happened in P.E.? No dice. But a cell phone used as a safety measure for an 11-year-old who is at the point where he’s making solo bike trips to go hang out with friends? Absolutely.
We do, however, understand the concerns some parents have with this. What if they keep misplacing the damn thing? Aren’t they going to just run the bill up to high heaven? What happens if they lose the ability to speak and/or write in phrases other than OMG, IDK, and LOL?
As with any privilege you give your child (and cell phones most definitely should be framed as such), you need to make guidelines clear …and, for the love of God, stick to them. When the time comes for our son to get his own cell phone, you better believe that we will be mind-numbingly explicit concerning how the cell phone will and will not be used and about what will happen should he step out of line. And if he does step out of line, there will be follow-through.
As a parent, why wouldn’t you want your kids to have access to something that not only allows you to have more direct communication, but could also potentially keep them safer? All parenting choices have pros and cons, each with their own sets of battles and bullshit through which you must endlessly trudge. But in this case, it seems to us that the benefits greatly outweigh the potential headaches.
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Notice: Comments that are not conducive to an interesting and thoughtful conversation may be removed at the editor’s discretion.
C, 8, is already asking for one ~ but she wants an iPhone like mine! No way, third grader. I was talking to another mom this week who has no cell of her own, believe it or not. So I don’t think it a necessity for a child. Tween? We’ll see, as I always say, to her dismay!
I could see getting a kids’ phone w/ three preprogrammed numbers and a kidfinder app but not a real phone until tween or later.
I hate it when I say something to my kids and it instantly reminds me of my parents. Eyebrow, finger and all.
Thankfully, I have not had to have this conversation yet. The 8 and 6 yr old have not asked. They do love our iphone and itouch but mainly to just play the games, watch movies and listen to music. For us we couldn’t give the 8yr old a phone without doing the same for the 6 yr old. And the 6yr old would use up all the minutes in one day calling his grandma. We will probably defer this conversation to a specific age like 13. and I just pulled that age out of a hat.
Our 13 year old is asking for one so she can call her friend who has one. Thing is, they never talk unless it’s in person. She has free, unlimited access to the house phone that she never uses. She also has near unlimited access to borrow my wife’s cell phone and never does. But, anytime there’s a commercial with a cool new phone on it, she’s drooling.
There’s also the fact that none of the carriers have decent coverage in our neighborhood, so it would be basically useless.
She’s a gadget geek, and the iPod can only appease her for so long.
My wife and I both feel that getting her own phone would just be a waste of money at this point, we’ll probably reconsider it once she’s driving, but not right now.
I guess it all depends on the kid, too. If she was out of the house more, or actually used the phones she currently has access to, maybe we’d feel different.
It depends largely on the maturity of the child and the actual need. Elementary school is likely too young for many if not most. Middle school it starts becoming a necessity. The younger boy had a phone in 5th grade.
We have already pulled one phone line out of our house. The last hard line will be removed by the end of the year. All of us have cell phones. We don’t need a regular phone line.
the cell phones in our house came about through the beauty of a broken home. the kids were ridiculed when visiting their father for “wanting to call their mommy” and told it was too expensive. I first sent them with phone cards, but they were young and it was a little complicated. I finally settled on a cell phone for the oldest and it came with a lecture about responsibility. the only time we had a problem was with texting and, to be fair, I gave them wrong info about how many they were allowed (called Verizon, because I had been given wrong info from THEM and charges were reversed). all in all, I feel safer knowing the kids can get me anytime, and vice-versa.
I’m considering a cellphone for my kids for the vice-versa part of thecheckoutgirl’s response. At almost 12, my son is old enough to be left alone for short periods and I, like many, don’t have a landline. There’s always a nagging concern that something might happen to *me* while I’m out on an errand and I won’t be able to get in touch with him.
Agreed. For reasons given by thecheckoutgirl and chris. Our children live in two homes, with two families. However, in the past year, both have expressed concerns for not being able to contact me when at dad’s house. So, they both (12 and 9) have phones now… not the most expensive gadgets, but workable. The take away for me is this: I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t speak or text my children in the case of an emergency… and they were perhaps the last words they ever heard their mother say… “I love you so very much!”