Richmond Proper: On Rock Show Etiquette
“Only a great fool or a great genius is likely to flout all social grace with impunity, and neither one, doing so, makes the most comfortable companion.” — Amy Vanderbilt
“Only a great fool or a great genius is likely to flout all social grace with impunity, and neither one, doing so, makes the most comfortable companion.” — Amy Vanderbilt
The Sex Pistols were known for the mantra “DESTROY,” and there is a lot to be said for the catharsis and the social statement that they made by purposefully disregarding the welfare of venues, other people, and various hotel rooms. Indeed, many a rocker has used the excuse of “being ‘punk'” to sanction whatever important commentary, garbage-throwing, or flat-out abusive behavior he or she was engaged in. But the truth is that most of us who attend shows have to see these people and this venue again, because we’ve chosen to live in this civilization. So we don’t have much of an excuse for DESTROYing anything, or anyone, and we’ll have to settle for enjoying peaceably instead.
Recently I was at a house show where the performer stopped between each song and in the middle of several songs to shush people who were talking quietly in the back of the room. “You paid for this,” she hissed between hastily-constructed insults. One would like to believe that small-time, intimate house shows attempt to bring people together to enjoy music they like in a comfortable place, but in this case only hatefulness was mongered and a wedge driven between strangers. What demands to be examined, then, is what, exactly, the audience paid for. The experience of going to a show is different for different people, and some people may want to enjoy the music up front with an undivided attention, while others may just as heartily enjoy it as background accompaniment to a wonderful conversation or an adventure in people-watching. If you are a band that’s being paid to play music, you have been hired to entertain those in attendance. You are not holding court and allowing lucky admirers to kiss your bejeweled fingers out of the kindness of your heart.
With etiquette blunders big enough to make a show’s trash-talking suddenly more memorable than its music occurring in our fair city, it seems that the basics of providing and receiving entertainment could stand to be reiterated with a few guidelines.
For bands
Set up and tear down your equipment quickly.
Of course it takes a little time to get things placed and working properly. But shows should be something fun to do on a Friday night instead of a seven-hour-long ordeal to which one must bring camping gear and a large supply of granola bars. Getting onto and off of the stage as quickly as possible shows respect to the other bands and to your audience.
Don’t tell the audience what to do.
They are adults and can probably figure out where to stand and what to do on their own, as it suits them. Begging attendees to move closer to the stage, plugging your merch 14 times, or shushing people who are talking only calls attention to the fact that you don’t have the whole room under your spell. If you don’t say anything, those who are currently enraptured will remain so and you won’t break the spell for them. There is scarcely an occasion better for socializing and meeting new people than a show. If it was truly only about the music, many people would stay home rather than travel to a place where they are likely to be around other human beings.
Skip the lengthy speeches about things like politics or faith preferences
That is, unless you’re playing at a political or religious venue and presume that the folks there invited you partly to hear your message. This goes back to the simple fact that you are there to entertain. If you sing about the things that are important to you, folks who are moved by your music and buy your record might be gracefully pulled into your way of thinking. But being pushed into your way of thinking is much less likely and less attractive.
Don’t campaign for petition signatures at a show where admission has been charged.
Otherwise, attendees will have paid good money to get what boils down to a sales pitch rather than a musical diversion. If you meet and discover people who have common interests, by all means share your causes with them. You may even want to arrange some literature tastefully on your merch table. But the plight of the undernourished Guatemalan puppy-dogs or what-have-you shouldn’t be the first thing you mention in a conversation (see 9.1.09 column, On Making Conversation)
For attendees
All the rules for being a good guest still apply
(See 8.18.09 column, On Being a Good Guest). Just because you are at a musical event does not mean that considerable hospitality hasn’t been extended to you. Treat the space as a precious gift that someone undoubtedly works hard to maintain, not as something you are entitled to destroy.
Let others enjoy the show.
If you are talking, make sure that others can still hear the music perfectly clearly. If you are dancing, don’t flail your limbs in such a way that causes others to have to dodge to protect their skulls. If you are drinking, don’t slosh your beverage on your neighbors.
Take cues from the type of venue and the behavior of others.
If no one else is dancing on the tables at a singer-songwriter acoustic set, you are likely to embarrass yourself and distract from what other attendees came to see. But if everyone is dancing on the tables at a bar where the tables have seemingly been constructed for this very purpose, this could be the perfect place to try your luck.
Keep the heckling to a minimum.
Okay, it’s fun to indulge in a little good-natured heckling when your friends’ bands are onstage. But booing every song and yelling out “YOU SUCK” (so original!) just makes you look ridiculous for remaining at a show that you claim not to be enjoying. Nobody’s twisting your arm to stick around; if your patience has really reached its end just get up and quietly leave.
Tall people, let short people get in front of you.
This doesn’t mean that tall people need to stand in the back; that wouldn’t seem very fair. But if the venue is crowded and you find yourself in front of someone much shorter than you, you can offer to let them switch places with you. This way your view stays the same since you can see well over the short person’s head, but the short person’s view has greatly improved because of your politeness.
Don’t complain about the admission price or try to bargain your way in for less.
Certainly the admission to some shows has grown to be obscene, but if you want to see a certain show you will have to pay what the club owners have decided you will pay. Vote with your dollars and do not attend events that you believe are too expensive, but the venue’s door is not the place to have a debate on this topic.
No pushing and shoving.
Venues get congested sometimes, and moving about gets difficult. But it really doesn’t take much extra time to weave your way unobtrusively through the crowd, saying “excuse me” and waiting for people to scoot to the side when appropriate.
Don’t be that guy.
Don’t wear a band t-shirt to that particular band’s show. What are you trying to say? “No no guys, I’m really into this band. Like really into them.” This makes you come off as a bit too much of an eager beaver (and perhaps a first-time show attendee), rather than a discerning connoisseur of this band’s music. It’s more of a compliment to the band if you show up, are enthusiastic, and buy a t-shirt to wear later. Of course it doesn’t hurt anyone else if you do decide to “be that guy,” so this is more of a tip intended to help you out rather instead of a rule.
-
Recommend this
on Facebook -
Report an error
-
Subscribe to our
Weekly Digest
Tess Shebaylo
Tess Shebaylo is a freelance writer, crafter, history geek, and compulsive organizer. She works at Tumblr and lives in Church Hill with her daughter, Morella.
Notice: Comments that are not conducive to an interesting and thoughtful conversation may be removed at the editor’s discretion.
Great article, Tess, and all good advice from the point of view of someone who has presented music and played on many stages. I’d add this: keep your equipment stashed away properly, it’s amazing how many musicians leave every sort of gear lying in the way, from cases to cords to trip over.
Thanks
Brooke
Don’t forget to mosh and punch some heads.
This is my favorite Tess article because she was thoughtful enough to designate “rock” show. If it just would have been “shows” then you could read into it any type of show, some of which calls for the behavior this article discourages.
That being said, I agree (for once) with my friend Tess. If I go to see a band who lists G.G. Allen, Slayer, or Madball as one of their influences then I don’t mind getting punched, insulted from stage, and generally being made to feel unpleasant. Besides that, I back all the rules %100.
I’m 6’5” and over the years i’ve gotten used to not being able to be front and center to a concert, it doesn’t bother me unless I waited out the opening bands by getting there early and I REALLY like the band that much, but that hasn’t happened in a while. Normally I just move back as the people start filing in, or to the sides.
Also “Don’t be that guy” doesn’t apply at NOBS! shows, because the whole band is “That guy” which makes it fine for everyone else to be “that guy”.
I’m curious to know if people have other specific pointers for different types of shows / entertainment. For example, when at the ballet do NOT let your kids bring in bags of potato chips and loudly eat them, rustling the bags around in their laps. I mean that’s a no-brainer, but I know there are probably lots of things that would be considered rude at the symphony, ballet, a play, comedy show, etc.
Hey Tess,
Many valid points here, and nicely done. I will add to your “No heckling” and “No haggling” rules with this observation. If you like a band, go to their shows, bring your friends, and have a good time and support the place that brought them there. If you DON’t like a band, all you have to do is NOT show up, REFUSE to pay a cover to see them, or leave after the first set…they will soon be a band that plays to know one but their garage. Actions speak louder than words.
Wes
More thoughts for bands:
-Keep your set relatively short. Unless you are the Cure, not everyone is that familiar with your catalog. Give them the best of the best and leave them wanting more.
-Show up on time. Alert the promoter if you’re going to be late.
-Greet or introduce yourself to the bands you’re playing with (particularly to folks from out of town).
-Assume everyone in the club before doors open has an important job (with the club/sound, in a band, or working merch).
-Don’t make assumptions about what that job might be (you have no idea how much it hurts/pisses off the girls I play music with when other bands assume they are “just a girlfriend”)
-Find out from the promoter when/where to load equipment before doing so.
-If you’re a local band, heed the needs of the touring band when possible including what order bands play and donating any gas money to them if there is not a lot to go around.
My mom took my sister and me to see The Lion King at the Kennedy Center last summer (that sounds like we are 12, yet sadly we are not), and I couldn’t enjoy it at all because of the screaming four year old in front of us. Not that I expect such a young kid to sit still for three hours (she WAS concerned as to whether or not the lions were real), but her mom made just as much noise and was a lot less cute. “Come here! Come HERE! COME HERE! I AM GOING TO TAKE YOU OUTSIDE UNTIL YOU CAN BE QUIET! I MEAN IT THIS TIME!” She never meant it. That would be my wish: mean it.
Michael, great stuff! Particularly your fourth and fifth points. Now that you mention it I feel like I’ve witnessed a few awkward moments caused by people not knowing who was who at the venue.
Oh, also, when people leave productions when it looks like it’s about to be over — to avoid traffic I guess? Not that it’s really all that disruptive to me or to the performers, and I guess they’re the ones paying for it in the end since they don’t see the end of the thing they paid a lot of money to see, but is it really necessary to save yourself twenty minutes? What would you do with that twenty minutes? Couldn’t you use that time to talk about the production you just saw while you’re waiting in the car with your date(s)? It always fills me with annoyance, but then again my strategy for getting off a plane quickly is important to me, so who am I to judge.
Seriously, I can get out of an airport in like two minutes.
GUEST COLUMN: Susan Howson addresses how the heck to get out of an airport quickly.
J/k, j/k…if you gave away all your secrets, you’d be doomed!
I agree with Tommy Beekman…if I get there EARLY then I don’t feel bad when a short person is behind me. I’m 5’10”, which I don’t think is /that/ tall. So many times it’s some drunk, short girl who is trying to wedge her way up front. I don’t allow it!
I will say that at a classical performance, be aware of the piece being played. Don’t be ‘that person’ who claps in between movements. If you’re not sure, just wait until someone else claps:) And it’s pretty rude to come in during a piece so wait for applause.
I’d like to offer a couple more tips for rock show etiquette:
1. Don’ t screw the promoter, venue owners, and your fellow show-mates by playing another show in that city for a month previous or after the show (this goes for most cities). If you play too much, or do a free gig right before your $12 show, you screw both shows by not bringing your full possible audience. Really bad manners.
2. Support the other bands by watching their shows. Don’t leave after your show if you played first, and don’t hang out in the green room the whole time the first bands are playing if you’re playing later. The crowd isn’t going to molest you at this level; be cool.
3. Do your end of the promoting. Get your posters to the venue a couple of weeks in advance of the show, alert the local media of your gig at least 2 weeks in advance; get your social media going to promote the show. The venue is buying advertising, paying to have their website maintained, networking with local radio stations and doing everything they can on their end (hopefully!). Your end is to promote the hell out of your show. I disagree that you’re being paid to perform. The reality is your show is your tiny little small business. Treat it like one.
4. Check the venues website for more tips on what is expected. Some owners/managers have gone through the trouble of listing some really good advice. Probably 99% of bands don’t do this, but it would behoove them to do so.