Richmond Proper: On Letters Versus Email
A debate that has arisen in the world of etiquette involves the question of whether to communicate via email or a handwritten note. Instead of declaring whether one method is better than the other, let’s look at the characteristics of those methods and hope that by knowing them, we can make good decisions about when to use each.
“Many people mistakenly think a new technology cancels out an old one.”
— Judith Martin
A debate that has arisen in the world of etiquette involves the question of whether to communicate via email or a handwritten note. Instead of declaring whether one method is better than the other, let’s look at the characteristics of those methods and hope that by knowing them, we can make good decisions about when to use each.
Letters have been the classic way to keep in touch since long before emails were a twinkle in DARPA‘s eye. It takes a while to sit down and write a letter, so the assumption is that one is more invested and thoughtful during the process than in more instantaneous modes of contact. Sending a handwritten note singles the recipient out with special attention. As Judith Martin points out, “You glance at an e-mail. You give more attention to a real letter.” A letter also doubles as a keepsake, a tangible reminder of sentiments.
But don’t just accept the condescending tone that die-hard letter loyalists take toward email. Certainly it’s possible to express emotion via email just as well as in a written letter. For some, typing is actually a more freeing way to write, unleashing meaning through speed and simplicity. For example, you might express yourself better in an email because you’ll include everything you meant to include, whereas when writing by hand, you’ll tend to shorten your discourse. In truth, I feel more immediately intimate with the people I communicate with via the internet. I’m aware of more up-to-date goings on, and there can be less of a reason to chit-chat. So instead of waiting for some important reason to write a letter, we can just shoot each other an email any time. It’s these casual communiques that draw us closer together and make us feel more comfortable with each other.
The battle between letters and emails is unwinnable, because it depends on what the purpose of the message is. Ultimately, the point is to be aware of the distinctions between email and letters, and to take them into account when sending the important — and not-so-important — messages in your life.
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Tess Shebaylo
Tess Shebaylo is a freelance writer, crafter, history geek, and compulsive organizer. She works at Tumblr and lives in Church Hill with her daughter, Morella.
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