Off the clock with The Checkout Girl: SADIFT Club

Good news! Sandra Bullock got a baby and now everything is going to be ok! And with the adoption of little Louis, Sandra has become an official member of the “Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves” club. The “It” being parenting through adoption. You go, girl!

May 4, 2010; 12:00 PM • by The Checkout Girl

Good news! Sandra Bullock got a baby and now everything is going to be ok! The Best Actress Oscar winner adopted a little boy three whole months ago but just broke the news on the cover of People Magazine a few days ago. This begs the question: Has she been keeping him in a closet?

I mean, her husband Jesse James was recently revealed to be a bit of a white supremacist dirtbag and paparazzi has been sitting on her 24 hours a day. I know the baby is just a, well, baby, but is he only now seeing sunshine for the first time in his life? Or has she been spray painting him gold and carrying him around this whole time, daring us to mention that Oscar has gotten a bit chubby? It’s also been reported that she has filed for divorce from the motorcycle manwhore and plans to finalize the adoption as a single parent. I’d like to give that girl an Oprah-esque “You go, girl!” and maybe a tittybump (okay, just the tittybump) for getting on with it.

With the adoption of little Louis, Sandra has become an official member of the “Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves” club. The “It” being parenting through adoption. The headquarters is in Hollywood, but the trend says there will be a branch near you very soon. Just like gladiator sandals, leggings, and giant sunglasses, these things take time to trickle down to the little people. Since you can’t just take an adopted child, stick them on a plane with a backpack and a note, and send them back to their country of origin, let’s hope that the trend lasts a little longer than shooties (What? Oh, they are shoes, they are booties, they make your legs look like tree trunks. Don’t worry about it).

If the SADIFT Club has a president, surely it is Mia Farrow. She’s been married twice, had four biological children, and adopted five more with her various partners, but this lady has been independent like a Beyoncé song for 18 years and adopted six children on her own. Mom Of The World, much? You raise 15 kids, there is bound to be heartache. Not everyone gets along and she’s lost three children: two to sickness, one to Woody Allen. Still, the fact is that she took in eleven children that needed parented and did just that. Viva, President Farrow!

Vice-President of the SADIFT Club and runner-up in the Ms. Mom Of The World contest is Angelina Jolie. Yes, she is sexily paired with Brad Pitt now, and they’ve adopted a child and had three biological babies (sexily, I might add), but her first two children were adopted by just her and later legally became Jolie-Pitts. The beauty of Angelina, aside from the obvious, is that that even if Brad decided to rejoin Team Aniston or found another team, altogether, she would pack up those six kids and carry on like it ain’t no thang. She’s THAT maternal. This chick is Lady Madonna, personified. Sexily.

And, speaking of Madonna (and sinewy arms), she’s jumped on the Jolie Express and gotten herself a couple of babies of her own. While there’s been much ballyhoo about, and legal trouble surrounding the adoptions of her son and daughter, she has fallen in love with her Malawian babies and, let’s face it, provided a pretty comfortable life for two children that wouldn’t have had many opportunities had they stayed in their native country (her son had already suffered malaria, tuberculosis, and pneumonia by the time he came to live with her).

Diane Keaton, never one to do anything expected (aside from sporting some kind of menswear every single time you see her), adopted a daughter at age 50 and a son at 55 after the death of her father, when she began to realize her own mortality. Mortality or not, from all reports, she’s a wonderful mother and says that not ever having been married hasn’t made her life any less and that “That old maid myth is garbage.” Huzzah, lady, now no more fedoras!

Other super-cool members of the SADIFT Club include Sheryl Crow, Meg Ryan, Sharon Stone, and Mary-Louise Parker. And, sometimes, though less frequently but just as impressively, Brothers Are Doing It For Themselves, like Oscar De La Renta and Willie Garson. How empowering is that?

I don’t know how often the Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves Club meets, or where, but you know that’s gotta be the coolest place on Earth for that time, with star power shining straight up out of that building like a beacon to the mothership and one enormous herd of happy, loved kids. Oh, but nobody tell Rosie O’Donnell. She’ll insist on coming and cute patootie it up. Barf.

The Checkout Girl is a writer/retail superhero, originally from San Diego, CA, but currently rockin’ and rollin’ and whatnot in Richmond, VA. She attended Stephens College in Columbia, MO, where she excelled at keg stands and the rhythm method but realized too late that she couldn’t major in either. She spends her free time reading, knitting, watching crappy TV, Googling celebrity breasts, and monitoring the zeitgeist. She chronicles her work escapades at thecheckoutgirl.net and her parenting adventures at fuckyeahmotherhood.com.

May 4, 2010 12:00 PM 2