Off the clock with The Checkout Girl: Is that a pigskin in your pocket?

It seems Brett Favre is joining the growing list of male celebrities using their fame as a ladymagnet. The biggest difference with Favre though is that the alleged recipient wasn’t really down for the get down. Gory details inside…

Well, we supposedly saw quarterback Brett Favre’s penis, via the magic of the Internet. I think I speak for a lot of people when I say “shrug.” Now, I’m not talking about the absolute average-ness of it, physically. Not every man can be John Holmes and not every lady wants that, anyway. Why buy long grain rice when arborio is just as good and cooks faster, if you know what I mean. What I’m all meh about is the fact that, if the evidence including those pictures, plus some MySpace (holla!) messages and cell phone voice mails, proves to be genuine, he’ll join the growing list of male celebrities who use their fame as a ladymagnet. The biggest difference with Favre though is that the alleged recipient wasn’t really down for the get down. Jenn Sterger, a former Maxim and Playboy model and, at the time of the maybe sexting, a sideline reporter for Favre’s team, the New York Jets, tells a story of repeatedly rejecting his advances, which escalated with each attempt.

Ok, it’s not terribly surprising that Brett would think Jenn would be excited to get a piece of his action. It was 2008 and he’d just left Green Bay, where all the ladies were sweating cheddar for a taste of his fondue, and was probably feeling like a big fish. But the whole interaction feels more Ben Roethlisberger than Tiger Woods. For those of you who don’t know, Roethlisberger has been twice accused of sexual aggressiveness, while Woods has had over a dozen women come forward and confess to consensual sex with him. According to Gawker‘s sports site, Deadspin, the MySpace messages were first, including one that says he saw her “in the tunnel” and got her name from someone at the Jets’ organization. The next one states that one of the team’s PR guys would be in touch with her to either slip her his number or get hers.

Then, she gets the first voice mail:

Jenn, it’s not a set up. Just got done with practice. Umm, got meetings here and I’ll pull out a couple of more hours and I’m going back to the hotel and just – just chill, so, ah, send me a text, cause I’ll be in the building, for a couple of hours, love to have you come over tonight, but ah, I know ah, I think Aron came up and asked you ah, would give – you know, your number, or he was going to give you my number, but I understand. Send me a text, love to to see you tonight, alright, talk to you later. Bye.

She then says that she was approached by someone who wanted to set her up with Favre and she declined, joking that if she were to get involved with him, she might end up in a garbage can. The next voice mail has a different tone:

So, some garbage can, huh, so that’s what you think that I think of you. Huh, well I’m still trying, just got done with practice – I’ll try again at home. You probably got caller I.D. I think but if you can make it, it would be great. Alright, later.

Then, the now infamous and viral pictures of SOMEONE’S junk. Is it Favre’s junk? Only he and his wife know for sure. What? He’s married? Yes. Which puts a double-disturbo spin on the whole thing.

It’s important to point out that Brett Favre hasn’t commented on the allegations that he sniffed Crazy Glue and then got all obsess-y over Jenn Sterger, but I’m sure that some high-powered lawyers (divorce or otherwise) are working on the situation as we speak. I do know that two more women have come forward and claimed that they also received inappropriate, sexually-charged text messages from Favre.

Why wait until two years later to talk about any of these things? I don’t know. Maybe it took that long to get brave, maybe it took that long to doctor voice mails and Photoshop MySpace messages. I do know that Favre’s silence is being likened to guilt by some and that the late night comedians and many Twitterers are having a field day, making fun of it. Which is good, because I’m sick of Christine O’Donnell jokes and there hasn’t been a good celebrity death in too, too long. However, I just learned that David Arquette was cheating on Courtney Cox with a woman who looks like Courtney Cox and once punched Lindsay Lohan. Thanks, universe.

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The Checkout Girl

The Checkout Girl is Jennifer Lemons. She’s a storyteller, comedian, and musician. If you don’t see her sitting behind her laptop, check the streets of Richmond for a dark-haired girl with a big smile running very, very slowly.

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