Fake Richmonder makes a Restaurant Week reservation

Some decisions are almost too tough.

October 23, 2015; 12:05 PM • by Fake Richmonder

It was between these menus, and it was a tough call. 

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Floyd Café

Appetizer

Choose one

• Arugula salad — With dried cranberries, goat cheese, and pine needles
• Steamed mussels — In a white wine and tonic sauce
• Crab cakes — Lightly fried and gluten-full

Entree 

Choose one

• Pork belly sandwich — Meatily sandwiched between two fists of bread
• Grilled salmon — Served with bitter greens and bitterer herbs
• Duck confit — Just in a bowl

Dessert

• Key lime pie

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Heirloom Kitchen

Appetizer

Choose one

• Arugula, butternut squash, and coriander salad-soup — A hybrid concoction scattered with roasted corn and flecked with madness
• Mussels Heirloom — Southern-style with pickled Duke’s and mollified cornichon
• Crab layer cake — Blue crab layered with pimento cheese and dolloped with Old Bay frosting

Entree

Choose one

• She-pork stew — Mama pig braised on the bone with blackcurrant jam, tenderized with Hi-C, and simmered in a grass-fed broth
• Wild salmon gravy with matzoh biscuits — Biscuits made locally by Unlevity RVA, deluged with a gravy thickened responsibly by chickpea flour
• Duck confit ravioli with brown butter and baby roses — Served over a marinara pancake

Dessert

• Key lime pie

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Fork & Knife & Spoon & Napkin

Appetizers

Choose one

• Arugula-dusted spaghetti — Three noodles per order, perfect for sharing
• KonMari mussels — Hudson River mussels with the shells discarded, resting comfortably in a broth that sparks only joy
• Crab envy — Our signature dish: A fleet of miniature snow globes, each containing a baby crab suspended in a housemade gunpowder-infused simple syrup

Entrees

Choose one

• Korean-style pork tacos — Deconstructed, reconstructed, and presented humbly
• Salmon and quinoa pizza — One single wild-caught Alaskan salmon pepperoni topped with ten grains of quinoa, drizzled with saltwater, and lightly bound with gauze
• Duck confit pound cake — A savory treat, sliced thick and served with tobacco sorbet and sunflower steam

Dessert

• Key lime pie

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CAT WITH HEART EYES EMOJI

Appetizers

Choose one

• Arugula™ — By the fistful, thrown from a great height
• Flex Your Mussels — Steamed, beaten, and drowned, because it’s always Friday somewhere in the world!
• Crabs— LOL!

Entrees

Choose one

• Pork BOOM! — Dead pig, sriracha, bourbon, and whatnot
• Salmon Slider Tower — Served stacked and ready to vape
• 2 Girls, 1 Duck — Waterfowl and roasted females. #yes!

Dessert

• Key lime pie

October 23, 2015 12:05 PM 3