5 Things

See what you did!?! Whatever it was, it MADE THE EARTH QUAKETH! I hope whomever was closest to you rolled-up the nearest magazine and promptly swatted you on the head. Now that all of this is earth-shakeyness is behind us, it’s time to push forward into the weekend! I have in my humble possession 5 Things that are so awesome, THE EARTH MAY ONCE AGAIN MOVE.

August 25, 2011; 6:00 AM • by Nathan Cushing

Haitians are looking at the East Coast and making an uncouth jerking motion. A 5.8 quake is hardly worth getting into a tizzy over, although I will admit that it is notable for being the third largest quake on the east coast since scientists began recording this stuff (the largest quake was an 7.3 magnitude one in Charleston back in 1876). Thankfully, there have been no reported deaths or significant structural damage, so we can all move on to more important matters…how will the world continue to spin on its axis without the force that is Steve Jobs!?!

Here are five things to help take your mind off this week’s cray-cray.

1. Locks of Love Cut-A-Thon

I’ve been taking some serious flack lately about the length of my hair. Apparently its still a bit taboo for a grown man to have aspirations for shoulder-length locks. Well, F that S! Not only am I going to keep my hair growing (here’s what I will look like, if you’re curious), but then, if I do end up cutting it, I’ll donate my bewitching strands of manly follicle goodness to a good cause.

Speaking of good causes, if the stresses of this week haven’t made your hair fall out already, put it to good use! Design One Salon and Spa is having their annual charity event benefitting Locks of Love, specifically, children who have lost their hair due to cancer treatments, injuries, burns, or alopecia areata. Walk ins are welcome, but reservations are preferred (804.794.4247).

Fri., Aug. 26 • 9am – 7pm
Design One Salon and Spa, 220 Heaths Way Road, Midlothian, VA 23114
Haircut and style are complimentary with a lock of hair donation

2. Salsa!

George Costanza once said that it must be hard for a Spanish-speaking person to order seltzer water because it sounds like they’re saying salsa. Guess what, George Costanza? That’s RACIST! Alright, maybe I’m being a bit melodramatic, but who the hell orders seltzer water anyway!?! Make no mistake, there will be no seltzer dancing going on this Friday night.

Tobacco Company is hosting their FREE salsa shindig as they do with every fourth Friday. There will be cocktails, a Latin DJ (were you expecting someone from Ethiopia?), and mucho dancing!

Fri., Aug. 26 • 5pm – 8pm
Tobacco Co., 1201 E. Cary Street
FREE

3. Friday Art & Wine: Sexy Legs

Feeling remorseful for those unlettered earthquake-related tweets after the earthquake? Feeling the urge to be more cultured, but you don’t want to be bored out of your mind? How about discounted drinks while you gawk at sexy limbs?

Every Friday evening, the VMFA hosts themed Happy Hour events at their Best Cafe, which include half-hour walking tours beginning at 7pm and 7:30pm. This week you can get your drink on while you simultaneously get your artsy-fartsy on, too!

Fri., Aug. 26 • 5pm – 8:30pm
Virginia Museum of Fine Arts
FREE

4. Pop Punk Fest

Anyone who says that Pop-Punk goes against the roots of the genre has OBVIOUSLY never heard the Ramones. C’mon. They were poppy all the way! While acts like Blink 182 and Green Day will cost you and arm and a leg to see, there’s a whole festival devoted to a most prodigious Pop-Punk panoply. Bands will include Handguns, In Courage, and Hold Tight.

Get right with the Lord on two counts this Sunday: go to Church, and then listen to some poppy punky goodness, y’all!

Sun., Aug. 28 • 1pm doors
Canal Club, 1545 E. Cary Street
$15

5. The Case Of The Countryside Killer

She walked up to the bar and ordered a drink. The bartender’s eyes swooped over her pallid complexion. He recognized her face.

It was the face of murder.

Dun. Dun. DUUUUNNNNNN.

OK, so I’m gonna go out on a limb and publicly state that I’m against murder (I know, I know, taking this public stance is rather risky, but I’m a principled man with principled convictions!). But, I still think that anything, provided that it’s in the right light, can be funny. Including murder (YAY!).

We all have an inner Sherlock Holmes, but we lack the official backing of the Richmond Police Department to put it to good use. But a murder will happen on Sunday!

Dun. Dun. DUUUUUNNNNN.

Not only will there be a homicide, but food too (YAY!). The Mystery Dinner Playhouse is putting on The Case of the Countryside Killer which give you the opportunity to put your sleuthing skills to good use, as well as being served dinner by a bizarre and zany list of suspects.

Who knew murder could be so much fun?