5 Things

4th of July has come and gone almost as quick as members of Newt Gingrich’s senior staff. While the coming weekend may seem like it could never fill the hole left in our hearts from the long Independence Day weekend, there’s actually a lot of really cool stuff going on, from a baseball prodigy coming into town, an array of bitchin’ skulls, to the inimitable R. Kelly.

July 7, 2011; 6:00 AM • by Nathan Cushing

What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? Duh. The taste!!!

Switching gears.

The weekend is back, guys! It keeps showing its cute little head, almost as if Saturday and Sunday were a pair of French Bulldogs in a swing set (man, wouldn’t it be great if there was a video of French Bulldogs in a swing set?). Ahh, that’s better. Anywho, if you think a post-4th of July weekend is going to suck, well… I’ll just say that kinda thinking sucks. And so do you if you thought it (BAM!). Over the next several days we have the only Hootie worth mentioning, a baseball phenom that will one day be a superstar for the Washington Nationals, lots and lots of skulls, DJs spinning for a good cause, and the one, the only R. KELLY!

1. Darius Rucker

So, I could be lame and write something along the lines of, “Hootie’s coming to town, guys, without his blowfish!” But that would be lame, and would make me lame, and I. AM. NOT. LAME! Darius Rucker is a good frakin musician. In 2008 he signed with Capital Records Nashville and released the album Learn to Live. He was the first country music singer to have the first three singles from an album reach #1 since Wynonna did so in 1992. Rucker released his second album, Charleston, SC 1966, in 2010. This dude’s getting it DONE, ya’ll!

Thur., July 7 • 6pm
Innsbrook Pavilion, 4901 Lakebrook Dr.
Tickets $22- $100

2. Bryce Harper visits Richmond

I know what you’re thinking: Bryce who???? Well, Sports Illustrated called him the “Most exciting prodigy since Lebron [James].” He was the first overall pick in 2010, selected by the Washington Nationals. The Nats maintained that Harper would play at every level of the Nats’ minor league affiliates. Until he started doing THIS on a regular basis. The Nats have put him at their AA Harrisburg Senators affiliate. And guess what team is coming to the Diamond to take on the Squirrels this weekend? No, you dolt, not these guys, the Harrisburg Senators! Richmonders have a chance to see one of baseball’s future super stars. Oh, and he sometimes cops a tude.

Fri – Mon., July 8 – 11 • Fri. 7:05pm, Sat. 5:35pm (twi-night double header), Sun. 5:05pm, Mon. 12:05pm
The Diamond, 3001 N. Boulevard
Tickets $7 – $11

3. Skull Appreciation Day

I want your skull. I NEED your sku-ull! No, Glenn Danzig (who isn’t looking so hot these days) isn’t reuniting with the Misfits. But Richmond has no shortage of badass-looking skulls to titillate the eye and blow the mind. This is the last weekend to catch the “Skull Appreciation Day” exhibit at Gallery5. In honor of the first annual international Skull Appreciation Day, Gallery5 has been hosting a series of events organized by Richmond’s own Noah Scalin (creator of Skull-A-Day) and Philip Cheney. There’s so much for me to talk about, you’ll never be able to get your head around everything (aw, snap!). Head to Gallery5 this weekend to avoid a massive headache of shame for missing this singular and super cool exhibit.

Exhibit runs until Sat., July 9 • Wed. – Fri. 11am – 6pm, Sat. by appointment only
Gallery5, 200 W. Marshall St.
FREE

4. RVA RiverJam

Henry Rollins doesn’t like DJs. At all [NSFW]. Which probably means he wants to avoid the Canal Walk this Saturday. In case you didn’t know, RVA RiverJam is a weekly summer music series showcasing local DJs. What’s cool about this week’s series is that the stupid awesome people from 2BNB will be on hand to accept your donations. In addition to providing their wonderful service of trafficking people to all of RVA’s best bars to stymy the number of drunk drivers on our roadways, they were gracious enough to shuttle the public to last Sunday’s RVA Fireworks on the James event. At the very least, drop on by and show them some love. Who knows, maybe you’ll see Henry Rollins there.

Sat., July 9 • 2pm – 8pm
Canal Walk
FREE

5. R. Kelly

UPDATE: Due to illness, R. Kelly’s performance has been cancelled.

R. Kelly’s greatest achievement is his Hip-Hopera masterpiece, Trapped in the Closet (well, he may be remembered for other things, too). Regardless of your thoughts about the man’s certain, uh, urinary proclivities, he is, without a doubt, a Hip Hop legend. He’ll be in town this Tuesday at the Landmark Theater. Below is the first part to world’s best (only?) Hip Hopera. Enjoy: