5 Things

Famous French actor Girard Depardieu urinated in the aisle of an airplane just before take-off. Oh, mon Dieu! Now that guy’s going to get into some BIG trouble. Looks like Girard’s and my plans for the weekend are going to get scratched. Curious as to what we were going to do? I’ve got the goods.

August 18, 2011; 6:00 AM • by Nathan Cushing

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
To
To who?
To WHOM, you surly grammatical git!

Ah, there’s nothing quite as satisfying as a grammatical joke to get us randy for the sultry weekend, amiright??? But please, before you pop the Viagra for a friendly rumble between the sheets, you must first woo the weekend in all it’s splendid, tantalizing curvaceousness. And how do we do this? By appreciating it’s many splendors, like the fine woman that it is! Below you will find 5 things that will aid you on your quest to captivate the weekend’s many splendors.

(get some, y’all!)

1. Gillian Welch

I shall, first, be terse. This woman, Gillian Welch, kicks ass! Her voice is maudlin, yet inspiring, and echoes the great voices of the great folk singers of American yore.

YUCK!…OK that’s the closest I’m ever going to get again to writing a pompous music review. Let me give it to you straight without the pretentious purple prose: If you have the chance, I HIGHLY recommend you see Ms. Welch perform live.

Here’s her most recent performance on Conan:

http://youtu.be/5x9uur2MOPo

• Fri., Aug. 19 • Doors open at 5:30pm, performance starts at 6pm
• Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden, 1800 Lakeside Avenue, Richmond VA 23228
• $25 – $40

2. Beach Boys

So these “boys” are about as youthful as a copse of California Redwoods, yet they’re still touring just as hard as men a third of their age (you know, real boys).

Oh yeah, in case you didn’t know, the tumescence of Mike Love’s dickishness rivals that of a Viagra overdose. Here’s the guy being a HUGE prick during the Beach Boys’ acceptance speech at their induction ceremony at the Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame back in 1988. The awkwardness really hits its stride at the 4:50 mark.

• Sat., Aug. 20 • 6pm
• Innsbrook After Hours, 4600 Cox Rd 23060 Richmond, VA
• $21.50 in advance – $25 at the gate – $45 Gold Circle Seating – $100 Skybox

3. Target $1 Family Night

I don’t have to tell you that the economy sucks, and as a result people are doing what they can to save money. But we shouldn’t let something as frivolous as a concern of money keep us from education, especially those of us with families.

We all like to bemoan large corporations, but after all, they’re people, too. One, however, is actually doing something really cool. Target sponsors a Family Night at the Children’s Museum of Richmond, in which every family member gets in for a mere $1 this Friday between 5pm-7:30pm. I don’t have to tell you what an awesome deal that is, do I???

I thought so.

• Fri., Aug. 19 • 5:00pm – 7:30pm
• Children’s Museum of Richmond, 2626 West Broad Street
• $1 per person

4. American Idols Live

I haven’t watched an episode of American Idol since…actually I don’t know if I’ve ever watched an episode of it before, now that I think about it. So if you’re looking for info about the tour, I sure as hell ain’t the guy! I do know, however, that the tour will feature the top 11 performers from the show’s tenth season.

I don’t know if that means either this guy or this guy will be there (fingers crossed).

• Sat., Aug. 20 • 7pm
• Richmond Coliseum, 601 East Leigh Street
• $44 – $64, plus surcharges

5. William Byrd House Carnival

It’s actually pronounced carni-VAL. But let me level with you: if you’re expecting something like this then expect to be disappointed. The William Byrd House helps over 1,000 people per month as an organizer of community resources and capital to make a positive change in the lives of Richmonders. Very cool.

This is also a very free, very family-friendly event that will feature games, prizes, food, and music.

• Fri., Aug. 19 • 4pm – 8pm
• William Byrd Community House, 224 South Cherry Street
• FREE

photo by losmininos

August 18, 2011 6:00 AM 0