Juno: It’s Everything It’s Cracked Up to Be, But You Didn’t Hear It from Me
Fine, I give in to the damn Junoverse. Someone get me my novelty pregnancy test souvenir.
Remember when you went to see Napoleon Dynamite for the first time, and all your friends were like “Dude, you are going to lose it because it is all so hilarious,” and they ended up being totally right because you totally lost it, and you guys all quoted it for days, and you were all “Your mom goes to college,” “No, YOUR mom goes to college, heh heh heh, vote for Pedro!”* But then something happened. ND was a little more popular with the blockbuster crowd than expected, and it was able to secure a larger release. Suddenly there were t-shirts at Target quoting “Your mom goes to college” right back at you, and your memories of theater bliss became faint while annoyance set in.
I’m concerned that Juno, one of the year’s best films, will go down that dubious road, judging from the amount of press it’s already getting. When I walked into the theater, someone handed me a postcard that said “JOIN THE JUNOVERSE!” and then called me “HOMESKILLET!” on the back. I understand that movie studios are in the biz to make money, and that they all learned from Napoleon and Little Miss Sunshine that indie comedies are no longer to be taken lightly. I know they are jumping on this thoroughly lovable movie like it’s a winning lottery ticket because that’s their job. But I sat there in that theater as I waited for the film to begin, staring at a postcard that told me to post on my MySpace profile something about how “awesome” Juno is, and I hated on that movie before it even began.
When I say “thoroughly lovable,” I mean “blasted through the barriers of presupposition and snobbery that I had defensively erected and restored my prematurely-hardened heart into a healthy, nay, thriving organ.” I also cried, like, one thousand times.
Although I had recently made a promise to myself to dock each movie a half star that didn’t feature talking polar bears in some fashion or another, I’m recalibrating my scale, people. The new magic formula for a kickass film is clever dialogue without overkill, genuine emotion and insight, a willingness to drop the irony when other films would use it as a crutch, and due attention to the magnificent rock bands from the early to mid-1990s.
You can read all about the director, screenwriter, and relevant trivia on IMDB.com or Wikipedia and, hell, you can even join the “Junoverse,” if you want, whatever that is. Who am I to tell you not to? I still buy shoes at Delia’s! It’s just that in my opinion, the less hype you experience for this one, the better. In fact, I’m even worried about my OWN hype distracting you, so I’m going to go ahead and drain the rest of this review of any enthusiasm. You’ll be getting plenty of it elsewhere, anyway. So I’ll just say the acting was “fair,” the directing “acceptable,” and the screenplay utterly “middling.”** I’d “maybe watch it again if it came on TV” and my inner teenage girl “certainly didn’t wriggle with pleasure at being understood so completely.”*** Three stars, catch it if you want to, skip it if not, whatever, no biggie, I’ll live.****
*Be honest.
**Lies.
***More lies.
**** 
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Susan Howson
Susan Howson is managing editor for this very website. She writes THE BEST bios.
Notice: Comments that are not conducive to an interesting and thoughtful conversation may be removed at the editor’s discretion.
I buy jeans from Delia’s, I’m not ashamed. They make my ass look awesome.
Ellen Page is so incredibly awesome. She was the best irritating (psychotic) fourteen year old ever in Hard Candy — a movie everyone should see.
I hope she continues her awesomeness in Juno
I gotta tell ya, it was Jennifer Garner who was really amazing, though.
Man, I want to see this movie so hard! I don’t see it playing anywhere in Richmond, though. Do you have a secret movie theater that is showing it? Does said secret movie theater serve Cherry Coke? (Because I’ll just wait if it does not.)
PS- I saw the Wendell Baker Story from the Flix de Net, and I agree with your star count. I thought it was good!
Haha I got a hate email from someone I know who rented Wendell and was NOT pleased. We can’t all have sterling senses of humor, I guess.
I saw an advance screening last week in Va Center Commons. Juno is set to expand this Friday, but as far as I can tell we’re not getting it anywhere yet (but “August Rush” is playing at like every single theater. What is up with this town?).
Oh, Bow Tie Partners! Come save us from our embarrassing ignorance of the wonderful world of cinema!
It’s understandable. We need to save our screens in Richmond to watch Jason Lee sacrifice his dignity this Christmas.
Also, watch this trailer and tell me you don’t want to see this movie. I don’t even listen to his music, or know anything about him really, and I must see this.
Wendell Baker is terrible Susan. Show some class and admit you dropped the ball on that one will ya
Sigh.
I have to agree with Susan on this one; any movie that includes praise for music of the early 90s is automatically aces. However, nobody would have missed J Garner in the Alice in Chains t-shirt; I would have much preferred some sort of Trash Can Sinatras attire. Like a ball cap. Or maybe a wicked cool visor.
But see, she was using it while she was painting a room. To her it was just a throwaway shirt to muck up. But to him it was HISTORY, MANNN!
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i hate this review.
here’s why.
i really want to see this movie.
but i have to wait.
Yeah how is it not in RVA yet! So frustrating.
I hope these bowtie peeps get movies like this FAST.
uh…. your mom HAHAHA