5 Things

Holy last Harry Potter, Batman! This week’s been crazy. We saw Harry Potter become a man, Apple released OS X Lion, and it’s been hot as $%&* outside. We need to seriously chill ’til the next episode. So… what’s the haps this weekend?

July 21, 2011; 6:00 AM • by Nathan Cushing

Two words: Holy. Crap.

While many of you fawned over the latest (and last) Harry Potter, yours truly (i.e. me, as in the dude that’s writing this and is controlling what you think at THIS VERY MOMENT) got my panties (I own them!) in an excitable wad because gueeeessss what trailer premiered right before Mr. Potter’s final peril? The Dark Knight Rises! The trailer looks, ahem…fracking awesome! No, it’s not this one; I’m talking about this one. We get our first cinematic glimpse of a severely injured Commissioner Gordon, as well as the villain Bane. Holy non sequiturs, Batman, what is a fan-boy like myself going to do until it comes out in Summer 2012!?!

Well, if I know one thing, it’s that all this excitement over the Batman trailer and the newly-released Harry Potter film has gotten us all worked up. And it’s like Mother always said, if you’re gonna get all hot and bothered, be sure to wear a condom…wait, no…eat so you don’t starve during your waiting! Luckily, we have some very tasty festival treats happening this weekend, along with some sinning, a baseball phenom FINALLY makes it to Richmond, and even something for those…whuddya call ‘em?…oh yeah–KIDS!

1. Virginia Food and Wine Festival

BOOZE AND FOOD…BOOZE AND FOOD…BOOZE AND FOOD. Kind of a catchy chant, if I do say so myself. Wonder if Warner Bros. regrets not putting it into the The Dark Knight Rises viral promotion chant for Bane.

All kidding aside (not really, though), if you don’t like food or wine, you’re probably a wastrel that thinks News International did nothing wrong (they did–BIG TIME!). Get it together, man! Instead of pigging out in the kitchen and getting drunk on the couch, pig out in style and get drunk in public (but, not really). Last year, more than 5,000 people came out to the Save Our Food Summer Festival. The name may have changed this year to the Virginia Food and Wine Festival, but the food and wine quality has not. You get to choose from the best local food and vendors, annnnnnnddddd you can leave with a carload of stuff.

Annnnnddddd…we’re giving away a free ticket to the event. What’s not to love!?!

Sun., July 24 • Noon – 5pm
Farm Bureau Center at The Meadow Event Park, 13111 Dawn Blvd Doswell, VA 23047
$10 per carload

2. 10th Annual Shockoe Tomato Festival

You say toma-toe, and I say tom-ah-toe. Blah, blah, blah. Have you ever heard ANYONE pronounce the word “tom-ah-toe?” Yeah, me either. If such a person were to exist, however, you might run into them at the Tom-ah-toe Festival this Saturday (if so, you know what to do). I don’t think anything like what they do in Spain will happen (you never know, though), but I do foresee local merchants and local food being there. Just watch out for for this.

Sat., July 23 • 11am – 4pm
17th Street Farmer’s Market, 100 N. 17th Street
FREE admission

3. Friday Art & Wine: Sinners and Saints

We’ve all done our bit of sinnin’ (check out this guy’s gaseous blasphemy!) and we’ve all a done our bit of saintin’. Can I get an AMEN on that! Praise Jeebus! Anywho, I’ll be honest with you: I’m not entirely sure what this event will consist of. BUT, it’s at the VMFA, which means that there’s going to be art, and that there will also be wine. Not a bad combo, if you ask me, amaright? But, if you do attend, err your behavior more to the side of sainthood rather than sinning (in other words, don’t be this guy).

Fri., July 22 • 5pm – 8:30pm
Best Café and VMFA galleries, 2800 Grove Ave.
Tours are FREE

4. Flying Squirrels and Bryce Harper

So you remember our story about this guy? No joke: mere seconds after we posted that article on Bryce Harper coming to town two weeks ago, we got word that Major League Baseball asked that ship his stardom to Arizona for the All-Star festivities. Sadly, there was no joy in Richmond.

But do not repine! Bryce Haper and his first-place Harrisburg Senators are coming into town TODAY, and will play our beloved Flying Squirrels in an atypical six-game, four-day series. Seems that young Harpie (that’s what the kids call him (no they don’t)) is making it up to us. If you want to see a future superstar for the Washington Nationals play in our backyard, this would be a good time to see him, as he may be heading to AAA next year.

Thurs., July 21 – Sun., July 24 • Thursday – 7pm; Friday – 5:35pm (doubleheader); Saturday – 1pm & 6:35pm; Sunday – 5:05pm
The Diamond, 3001 N Boulevard
$7 – $13

5. PBS Kids Day

Wait. Curious George is going to be in town this weekend. That sonovabitch owes me $50!! I’m so going to collect on his avaricious monkey ass. But before I do, I’m going to hang out with him and the rest of the PBS Kids shows! There’s going to be special story times at 11am, 1pm, and 3pm, with character appearances every hour on the hour.

You’re SO going down, Curious George. All the way to Chinatown.