GWAR, Me, and the On-rushing Grip of Death: Part 41

Our hero returns from the European tour broke and in arrears. But, with the sunny disposition he’s known for, he soldiers on. GWAR! Part 41!

Me and my buddy Neil Fallon from Clutch hanging around before a show in England while he gives me some beard-growing tips. Damn is my nose broken...

It is a time of great tumult for the brave rubber monsters of GWAR, as the crappy economy finally caught up with us. For the first time in a long time, we had gone on a European tour and returned home with no money. Sure we had our stories of red-light wanderings and beer-drenched debauchery, but without cash to pay the slaves their miserable pittance, they soon resorted to eating their own fecal matter. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, they began eating other people’s fecal matter. They would make fecal matter out of eating fecal matter, and then eat the fecal matter.

And while I am at it, isn’t it wonderful the way that words that describe nasty things are always so appropriate, like for instance “fecal matter”. It’s right up there with “phlegm” and “buboes”. Who invents these words anyway?

And while I am still at it (as I haven’t really figured out what to write about this time), who are “they”, anyway? I first heard about “them” when I was in elementary school. I was asking a question about the textbook I had just smacked Calvin Livesay* with. Asking why a certain section was written a certain way, I was informed that “they” had done it that way, and nobody ever knew why “they” did anything. So right off the bat I was convinced a shadowy group of semi-demonic beings known as “them” controlled everything from what was in our textbooks to how much a Big Mac cost. Still am!

But to get back to the story—rising fuel costs, a lousy exchange rate, and a ravening beast that eats money (named GWAR) had left us in arrears, but were we worried? Fuck no. We had been through periods of no money before, like the entire first five years of our existence. So I came home with my head held high, ready to leap into preparing for the GWAR-b-q and catching up with my mountain of overdue painting commissions. But a fate more hideous than eating fecal matter or being broke awaited me.

I first met Symptom about three years ago. His sallow face and darkly-circled eyes made him look like a junkie and I thought he was until I heard he had “rotten guts,” a condition that made him routinely beg near-strangers for pain medication. What made him different from the rest of my friends like that was his skill with the internet and constructing web sites. His help was immeasurable on a number of projects, and soon enough he was accompanying me to NYC to help me stream the Crack-a-Thon to the interweb. After that he began to enjoy more GWAR responsibilities, and soon the GWAR-B-Q and GWAR.TV sites were up and running. Much pleased with this, and desperately needing another responsible person as a roommate, I agreed to let him move into my hovel.

But cracks were starting to show. I returned home from my fall tour to discover that in my absence, Symptom had moved his girlfriend into my house without asking me. I was pissed to say the least but after hearing the sad story of how she had nowhere else to go I began to waver. She did have a job, and another income in the house would definitely help. So I caved in like a spaghetti lean-to in a rain-forest.

Then it got weirder. Symptom was out the door early every day, usually off to work by seven. His wench would follow a little later. When they returned from work, they would go straight into their room and not leave until it was time to go to work again. Now, I can sort of understand that. My house is a bit of a mess, and my other roommate is a creature from Hell. Plus I am sure the young couple was enjoying having sex with each other. But it really seemed like a couple of junkies had moved in. I told the guys in GWAR to cool out on this guy, who up until this point had been a Slave Pit star on the rise. I knew something was up, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

The wheels had fallen off (and burst into flames) before I got home from the latest GWAR European tour. Symptom and his girlfriend, who for the purposes of this story will be called “The Scumbag’s Equally Scummy Girlfriend”, were gone, moving out in the few days before I got back and using MY TRUCK to do it. They left behind four months of unpaid rent and bills, as I, in my infinite stupidity, had allowed Symptom to be the one who collected said monies every month and make sure they got to the right hands. He had performed this task admirably up until that moment, to the point where I completely trusted him…and then he fucked me HARD.

Four grand in rent…bills neglected to the tune of many hundreds of dollars…an eviction note on the door…but that wasn’t the worst thing, no, not by far (though that was really bad)…the worst thing was that this piece of shit had actually taken pieces of my art out of my private collection, sold them on ebay, and then never sent the merchandise. A stack of priceless GWAR concert DVD’s, some going back to the late eighties had also disappeared.

Why am I sharing this with you? Well, first of all I needed to explain what happened to the GWAR-b-q site and GWAR.TV. They are gone and won’t come back. As for the rest, I’m not sure. I only know that a betrayal this deep, by someone who I considered a valued friend and ally, cuts to the bone, and by writing about it I might enjoy some sense of closure. But it never ceases to amaze me how low humans can stoop in their quest to elevate themselves. The damage to my life has been vast, and it could not have happened at a worse time—a time in which I was pretty broke already. It means instead of working on GWAR or my art, I have been forced to take any manner of actual “work” in order to somehow get myself out of this hole.

But I will! Hang in there brave followers of GWAR, greener pastures await! For next month is the 2011 Crack-a-Thon, and even greater, the GWAR-B-Q is soon after that. And after that we have an amazing fall tour with some awesome bands which I will be announcing soon. Before you know it, all will be right in the world again. I will get caught up with all of my projects, make good money on the fall tour, get out of debt, and hopefully find a good roommate, one that won’t steal my art and money and do their best to ruin my life. I will get to the happy place again, and there will be much rejoicing.

The same cannot be said of my ex-roommate. Wherever he is (and he seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth), whatever he does, every morning when he wakes up and stares into that haggard face looking back at him from the bathroom mirror, he will see the face of an undeniable piece of shit, someone that took the good will of a good friend and turned it into a weapon. The face of someone that stole art from an artist who depends on such art to survive. A liar, a user, and a thief. He will see the face of a LOSER, and he will have that face for the rest of his miserable life.

So if I was supposed to get you some art by now, please continue to be patient (even the guys who have been waiting years). My life is currently a disaster zone and it may take a little while to get out of it. But I just had to get that off my chest before starting the next episode of …

GWAR, Me, and the On-rushing Grip of Death: Chapter 41

I Wrote Too Much About My Scumbag Ex-Roomate and Therefore am Going to Wait Until the Next Chapter Before I Tell You Anything Else

See ya in two weeks!

* Poor Calvin was one of my first victims. One day in fourth grade I attacked him and pushed his head into the folds of one of those accordion walls, which I then closed on his neck. I received no mercy from the elementary school Lords of Discipline, and it didn’t help that the poor kid was actually retarded.

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Dave Brockie

Notice: Comments that are not conducive to an interesting and thoughtful conversation may be removed at the editor’s discretion.

  1. Belial&Marleysmom on said:

    Dave, I’m really sorry that this happened to you. You don’t deserve it. I think you should post the scumbag & his slut’s picture on your website and other sites such as Facebook. I am pretty sure that one of your many fans has seen them somewhere. I know how you probably feel about turning someone in to the cops, don’t blame ya, I don’t like it either. But I think these two a$$holes deserve a jailhouse detox, don’t you? In the future, don’t be so trusting and save the title of “friend” for those who actually earn it.

  2. Oh fuck! Busted liking my own story!

  3. Brad on said:

    Shitty to hear Dave, people truly are shit. Hope you find that bastard one day and use him as a “prop” on stage. You have been using props for so many years that sneaking in one live person to obliterate should be easy!

  4. Mikey on said:

    Damn man.. that’s some BS.

  5. Shawn on said:

    Tis a sad day when you finally are hit in the face with the realization that your kindness and patience are seen as weakness, and douche-baggery is the garb of the everyman. I’ve been in much the same position and while I often get angry and love to daydream about the violent acts I would commit if the person were ever found, I take pride in knowing that while I am seen as a naive asshole, I am at least still above the shit when things happen.

    I enjoyed the post immensely, While I don’t take pleasure in your situation, it was refreshing to see the humanity behind the rockstar persona, something I think far too many lose. Wishing you and all the band members, current, past and future, well. Lord knows you have brought me many smiles with your music and shows, and appreciate it immensely.

    Long time bohab and fellow human

  6. See a pattern? lol Pretty fucking good read, David. I look forward to the next installment. *Poor Calvin :/ …but I was a kid once too. At least you weren’t married to your roommate and they did nothing while devouring your house and home (literally and figuratively through an insatiable desire for video games and the next big console). While watching you go to work to fuel all this and then to jail for their dope. But hey I can’t say that didn’t happen to you too :) Best of luck. Lemme know if you need a slave

  7. Julie on said:

    Dave–I know recently one of the core family of internet habs, Meg Bert, was looking for digs in RVA, she’s planning on moving there and has been talking about it on Facebook. Hell, I was about to suggest she check out a rumor I sniffed from afar of the Dairy being renovated into apts… Anyhow I’m not sure how well you know her, but I get the feeling she’s good people. You might consider tossing her a message on FB with the $$ you are looking for and see if it’s in her budget.

    Also remember that one band’s trash is another fan’s treasure. Clean out the Pit, anything you can sharpie your name on can probably be sold on Ebay…

    GOOD LUCK!! *hugs*

  8. Holly on said:

    I am all too familiar with this.. Long story short, I dropped ten grand on my ex only to find his new girl, who he’d actually go on to marry in a matter of weeks, was posting on twitter that he’d been buying her new video cameras, expensive perfumes, and shit like that.. and he’d just told me he had no money to buy groceries with. Either he was a genius at hiding her or I was just a dumbass blinded by trust who, in the end, was wondering why he didn’t just run over me with a truck.. And it sucks because the people who’ve been victimized like that have a harder time trusting humanity again.

    It’s shitty that this had to happen to you. You work too hard to have everything taken out from under you like that, especially by a friend and roommate. I’ll give you a tip when you finish my commission to help you out a little more. After the hint you’ve given me about how kickass it’s gonna be, you definitely deserve it for many reasons other than that.

  9. muddieddesire on said:

    damn what an awful story.. sucks when someone you trust and help out turns around and burns you. he has to live with it now.

    “a Slave Pit star on the rise”… many dream of this title and will do anything to be a part of the slave pit family and for someone just to throw it all away and steal and lie to the one who made it all possible just adds to my aggravation..

    looking forward to reading about some good tour stories in the next two weeks..

    your buddy,

  10. Cody on said:

    Sorry all this shit happened to you Dave! Especially with it being with someone who you put so much trust into. It’s a devastating feeling. Someone I would have called a best friend totaled my car about a year. Not only did he try getting my girlfriend and I to lie and say we were in the vehicle, but to this day he hasn’t paid me back anything for it and has never showed any sympathy towards his actions. It’s hard to trust even the closest of friends sometimes. Hope everything works out for you though Dave! Always looking forward to future GWAR shows!


  11. bengreen49 on said:

    All the best, man. I have been a fan for many years… I hope you get sorted and start earning some decent money to reward the effort you put in.

    Ben in Scotland

  12. Patrick on said:

    I loaned Aaric 40 priceless GWAR DVDs for the website. I had worked my ass off to collect them all. It took many months and up to 50 dollars worth of shipping costs, some even going overseas. All that work and that fucking prick stole them. I live in the VA area, attend many GWAR events and I’d never seen Aaric in person. He was also rarely online and when he was he’d try to get me talking about anything but what he was up to. After 8 months had passed and I still hadn’t gotten my stuff back I started to get suspicious. I voiced my suspicions to Dave and he assured me that everything was on the up and up. I’m fucking mad as hell!

  13. Mammy on said:

    The Scumbag Ex-Roommate, The Scumbag’s Equally Scummy Girlfriend, and his child:

  14. Gary Fox on said:

    What a shit thing for them to do, may they burn in hell for that Dave I know youll bounce back!

  15. Tom Flynn on said:

    That sucks man, you should find that guy and disembowel him on stage!!! I’ll donate to your finances by continuing to go to Gwar shows a couple times a year and buying your albums instead of stealing them. I’m also planning on hitting the Gwar BQ, hopefully I’ll get chosen to be eaten by the World Maggot!!! It would make the drive from Delaware that much more bearable if I got swallowed on stage.

  16. Bert on said:

    Good luck, and as GWAR would do, slay them all! Shame this still happens even in today’s climate. Well, I should qualify that by the fact of our current economic climate.


  17. Bummer!!! Sucks when you put yourself out there and believe in the inherent good in people and then get hosed. It’s happened to me a couple of times as well. Good luck!

  18. C’mon, Dave. If you’ve been around as long as we have you already should be able to ferret out a junkie like a fart in church. Big fuck up, dude. And you left the two of them in your house while you were out of town? For months? Be honest, you trusted a guy you barely knew because even though you’ve had people shit all ovewr you for years, you still want to believe in people, when you know they’re pieces of shit. And you passed off the duty to this leech (and girlfriend) because you were lazy. And you know what? They always blame YOU for being too generous. That’s how they rationalize the thievery. They somehow deserve all that shit they stole because YOU owed it to them. Remember, no good deed goes unpunished. You gotta be kicking yourself in the ass on this one.

    Jesus, dude. Never let people in your house.


  19. Adam on said:

    ummm….at least you have all your brothers and friends in GWAR to keep your spirits up.

  20. Belial&Marleysmom on said:

    @Mammy:Thanks for the FB link with the scumbags pic. I am considering turning him and his slut over to the trolling pros at 4chans /b/. Everyone loves GWAR, and even though Dave made a horrible judgement error, this situation is just a travesty. I call for internet justice!!!
    I noticed on ‘AAric’s’ (are you kidding me) FB page, he has a link to a website~ where he is listed as the “VP of Media/Marketing”. This must be a “real” job because he spells his name ERIC. I wonder if he still works here and if they would like to get a couple thousand anonymous tips that he is a drug addict and a thief. His FB page also has links to his mom/dad and pretty much everyone associated with him. These sub-humans can totally get what is coming to them in a non-violent way with just a few mouse clicks. He should have taken that FB page down…..

  21. Dustin Churchman on said:

    I know the rotten guts and begging for pain meds so that I wouldn’t shit my pants because I was an opiate addict for 8 years. I would shoot between 6-10 80mg oxycontin a day. Or shove dilaudid all day long to suffice. I’ve destroyed my liver because I started eating up to 30 lorcet a day. I stole $11,000.00 from my ex’s parents. Point being, I was the biggest, sorriest piece of shit I knew. I lost everything but I finally came around and I’m receiving treatment and I’m not shitting my pants anymore because I couldn’t get a fix. You’ll definately be back on top. I’ll donate to the crack-a-thon to help. As for that guy, what goes around comes around.

  22. Jamisonburial on said:

    Never thought “Symptom” would turn out like that. Sux, Dave. I thought he was a friend too. I’m sure you will get an excellent, lovely and talented roomie to replace him ;)

  23. Tommy Bommy on said:

    Just come clean and admit it…this whole split personality thing has gone too far now. Please, get the help you need.

  24. T. Kendall on said:

    There’s some little dickhead running around Facebook bad-mouthing GWAR – goes by the name of “Turdzilla Central”. Seems like a total nut job. FYI. I don’t know much more about him/her… and don’t want to.

  25. Julie on said:

    T. Kendall: Turdzilla makes a habit out of following GWAR everywhere online and talking (predictably) shit. From what I gather the person in question is a nobody who brushed up against the band briefly in association and failed to become a contributor, but is bitter and angsty about it to this day. While I have no doubt that Dave and others in GWAR have legitimately slighted and possibly even wronged many people over the years (you can’t please everybody) most of this guy’s complaints are the epitome of utter stupid crap. When dealing with Turdzilla, fall back on that most eternal of internet rules: Don’t feed the trolls.

    Dave: RE your broken nose, for a man your age, something like that is called “character.” Guys get all the luck in this department. Rather than an expiration date like women seem to have, you grow into all of your awkwardly oversized facial appendages and just look better with age. Like Al Pacino and Sean Connery, you seem to have this down. You rock that crooked beak, brother. ;)

  26. sven borgschulte on said:

    someone must catch the bastard who destroys hard working peoples (dave and the hole gwar members)dream.thats not fair for gwar and their fans.and we can do nothing,only stay behind you with great loyalty.your loyal slave time is for free YOU KNOW WHAT.head up dude

  27. I want some Slave Pit duties!

  28. Zimmshady on said:

    Wish I knew about this earlier

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