The worst movie I’ve seen in 2014 and three pre-1960 streaming recommendations.
I guess we’re just all biding our time until Guardians of the Galaxy comes out in August? Because dang, it’s been a slow summer for movies. Luckily, the Netflix streaming selection has been on the up-and-up lately.
In theaters: Tammy
Written by both Melissa McCarthy and her husband Ben Falcone, Tammy is also Falcone’s directorial debut. It’s a typical road trip story featuring McCarthy as the titular Tammy and Susan Sarandon as her “wild” grandmother. Road trip-style shenanigans happen, there’s a “lesbian 4th of July party,” and a bunch of other boring stuff plods across the screen.
It is the worst movie I’ve seen in 2014.
Lazy and boring writing takes a cast of really brilliant women, women who are proven genius superstars, and has them force out a boring pile of poop. The dialogue between McCarty and Sarandon, which you’d think would be hilarious, is so stale and stilted. Such a wasted opportunity given the folks involved. ★★★★★★
- Why you should see this movie: You mistakenly walked into the wrong theatre, and then they barred the doors.
- Why you shouldn’t: We shouldn’t reward sloppy and lazy writing with money.
- Bechdel Test: Oh, totally. Susan Sarandon and Melissa McCarthy spend the whole movie boringly talking at each other from different sides of the screen. They talk about all kinds of things that aren’t men, they’re just all boring.
— ∮∮∮ —
She Done Him Wrong (1933)
by Susan Howson
Mae West wrote the play on which this was based–basically a vehicle for her to be seductive and funny at the same time. Cary Grant is there, I guess, as a pretty wooden guy with teeth that I think had yet to be fixed. That’s a wooden GUY. Not a guy with wooden teeth. George Washington is not in this movie.
Anyway, almost everything Mae West’s “Lou” says is quotable, and the plot is shocking! Pre-Code Hollywood! One star on the wrapped-up ending though. ★★★★★
Here’s how you do scary: not with hyperrealistic torture porn, but with alien seed pods!
While the pods aren’t that scary (although they’re plenty gross and creepy considering the state of 1950s special effects), what’s scary is being the only sane man left in a town of full of emotionless replicants. And when the protagonist begins to kill off these near-identical duplicates, you start to wonder, who’s the real monster (other than “man,” because duh). ★★★★★
12 Angry Men (1957)
If you’re ever an 18-year-old Hispanic boy standing trial for allegedly stabbing your father, Henry Fonda is the man you want on your jury. This is a true classic that’s worth pairing with Anatomy of a Murder for a trial-movie double feature Saturday! ★★★★★
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989)
After killing it throughout the 80s and 90s, Rick Moranis has kind of disappeared–a huge bummer in my book.1 Luckily we can introduce the Next Generation to one of his classic 80s films. The memories! The ant! The awkward teen love! AHHHH. ★★★★★★
Pain & Gain (2013)
This is the (mostly) true story of some Florida body builders who tried to kidnap and torture their way to more money than they could lift. Embarrassingly, I had a great time watching this film–a film directed by Michael Bay no less! Sure, I had just sampled more than my share of Blue Bee Cider, but still! Many laugh-out-louds were had. ★★★★★★