So you want to be scared, do you?

RVANews staff — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:00:13 +0000

You want scary? Oh, we'll give you SCARY. RVANews's three biggest movie fans explain why these movies scared them the most...in one way or another.

Scott Burton

The Exorcist
Always good for a scare. The slow build up never gets boring, because the pay off in the second half of the film is so disturbing and amazing!

Inside
This is one of the best in the new wave of horror films coming out of France. By best, I should say that I've only seen this film once and won't be watching it anytime soon because of how disturbing it is. That's what people want in horror right?

REC
A newer Spanish film that was remade in America as Quarantine. This film has many many jump scares, but takes a turn at the end that scared the shit out of me the first and second time I saw it. It's obvious what the filmmakers are doing, but somehow it's still shocking.

Cannibal Holocaust
For all the unforgivable animal cruelty (turtles and pigs being killed on-screen), this film still has so much disturbing imagery that is much much worse than anything you could imagine.

The Shining/The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Kind of a cop out, but both of these movies are amazing. Realistically, if you want to scare yourself, this double feature will accomplish that, and probably encourage you to finally take that extra step and get regular therapy!

Scott Burton is a tireless composer and guitarist in Richmond. He writes reviews about obscure movies for RVANews, and he writes music about obscure movies for the avant jazz group Glows in the Dark.

Justin Morgan

Knocked Up
I'm a single dude, so if we're going to talk about plausible nightmares, let's go right to the top of my personal list. Sure, he ended up with Katherine Heigl. On the other hand, she wasn't altogether very nice to him all the time, which, okay, maybe he wasn't that nice to her either. The whole thing was vaguely horrifying.

The Sound of Music
It's all do-re-mi and edelweiss and curtain-dresses and schnitzel with noodle in the beautiful Austrian hills, until you are hiding from the Nazis in a graveyard at night.

The Notebook
It's just that... Look I'm just... I mean Noah lost Allie the one time! And then they just... Let's move on, shall we? I still don't really want to talk about it.

Beauty and the Beast
It's the touching story of a bookish and pretty small-town girl from France, held hostage and tortured until she goes literally insane due to the overwhelming effects of Stockholm Syndrome. First, hallucinogenic drugs are introduced into her diet (Be Our Guest, indeed). Then, she identifies with and emotionally bonds with her captor so intensely that she is plunged irreversibly into a fantasy dementia-world upon his death at the hands of a heroic townsman. Look, the Rape of the Sabine Women is a tale as old as time, too.

Casablanca
A man falls achingly for a beautiful girl. She rejects him in the most crushing way possible. Now, with his pride around his ankles, he is content to live out his miserable excuse for a failed life: content, that is, until his erstwhile sweetheart returns to destroy what remains of his sanity. I will now turn on all the lights in my apartment, crawl under the covers, and tremble in fear until the sun comes up.

Justin Morgan is a man torn and yet somehow simultaneously not torn by conflict. He likes football and chick flicks, Starlite and Ipanema, Forest Hill and Short Pump. Well, maybe not Short Pump.

Susan Howson

Saw VI
You know what it means when a movie about people dying in increasingly creative and disgusting ways gets five sequels? It means millions of people fork over their cash to see the very latest in gruesome casualties.

Away from Her
I don't necessarily have a fear of growing old and infirm, I have a fear of NOT growing old and infirm while my loved ones do. Imagine living out your fantastic retirement with your loving spouse when bam, Alzheimers! Yeah, too bad she won't forget all the crappy things you've done throughout your marriage like she forgot where to put the frying pan. It's Hell Soup, and the ingredients are caretaking, nursing homes, and a constant reminder of a terrible thing you have tried hard to forget. Also, it's reality. I couldn't sleep for days.

Bamboozled
Network-esque prophesy regarding the future of television programming, only instead of predicting our sick fascination with spectacle, it's predicted our sick fascination with stereotypes. If everyone else is laughing at the black dudes in a watermelon patch, we're astoundingly likely to laugh along with them, and THAT is effing scary.

Selected Parts of Inglourious Basterds
HAHA it's so hilarious to watch a guy's head get beaten in with a bat! Oh, crap, is that Hitler? Also laughing maniacally at gratuitous violence? What an asshole! Pass the popcorn!

Public Enemies
It's a gloomy reminder that no matter what, one day Johnny Depp will die.

Susan Howson may only ever talk about movies (see Susan Year Itch), but a lot of the time she'll bring you a slice of cake (see Marthable), so it's worth it. If you stick around long enough, she may even introduce you to her close friend and the world's first fast poet, Claudia Chesterfield.

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