Comments on: Richmond Proper: On Asking for a Date

By: Tess

Tess — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 19:17:21 +0000

Julie — this is exactly the type of nitty-gritty I’m looking for…the specifics of this science and what makes someone seem desirable. I agree that being observant is a major plus. It’s what makes the difference between feeling specifically sought after and just being one of 27 pretty faces in a crowd.

By: Julie

Julie — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 14:12:47 +0000

Confidence. If you are prepared to smile and look people in the eye, you will practically always get farther with them regardless of how you open the conversation. I’ve found that the more I appreciate myself the more others drift my way, the harder I try and the more fear of rejection I have, the more I put others off. Neediness is never attractive. I think our odds are usually better at events/activities we really love, because we’re already projecting happiness & there is intellectual common ground and things to talk about.

Guys: One fact I know, as an intuitive female, is that women actually put effort into giving an OBSERVANT person opportunities to start conversations. We wear things that are designed to be commented on. Look for the most noticeable or unusual article of clothing, hairstyle, accessory, tattoo, whatever that she’s sporting and say something about it. The important thing is that you are speaking to her…then you watch her cues to see if she looks engaged/interested or looking for escape. If she looks at you and her pupils get big, you’re totally in! If she doesn’t smile, or makes a point of looking or talking to anyone but you…back off or be “the creepster.” If you’re not her type, you’re not her type. But rest assured that you are someone’s type and keep trying!

By: Tess

Tess — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 23:58:28 +0000

Good idea, jonesy. Half off coupons are a win-win situation.

Wolf, you totally got me with that one. But seriously Catrows, let’s get this RVANews.com dating service off the ground!

By: Wolf

Wolf — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 18:08:16 +0000

I didn’t know RVAnews had a dating service. Sounds like a steal for someone!

RVAnews.com/date

By: jonesy

jonesy — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 15:06:22 +0000

Hello hot and single men! I have a coupon for a buy one meal, get a meal free, at Texas de Brazil…who wants to take me?!

By: Wolf

Wolf — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 02:57:33 +0000

I think a trade should be offered up front. “I’ll buy you a drink if you go out with me.” Seems fair.

By: Tess

Tess — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 00:14:24 +0000

Oh I should have mentioned that this column is written only for “hot guys.” How thoughtless of me.

Thank you, Karl and Susan, for your constructive input. BTW Karl…your response made me think that soon I should write a Richmond Proper installment titled On How to [Gracefully] Refuse a Date. Since, you know, that IS an option.

By: Brando

Brando — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 23:32:55 +0000

@Susan: Perhaps.

If you’ve ever noticed how girls talk about things, unwanted/unexpected attention from a hot guy is great! How cute! How daring of he to approach you!

But if that same guy was not hot, unwanted/unexpected attention from him is annoying. What a creepster! How dare he try and talk to me.

Since I am unattractive that makes me creepy by default.

By: Susan Howson

Susan Howson — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 21:17:26 +0000

Every time (OK like twice) that some dude has asked to buy me a drink, I have exploded with happiness, and one time I dated the dude for awhile. Maybe you are creeping up behind them and breathing it into the back of their neck?

By: Karl

Karl — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 20:41:24 +0000

Brando, you buy a girl a drink to facilitate a nice conversation together when you meet, the same way you’d buy her dinner when you take her on a date. If she doesn’t want to talk she should refuse your offer. But for some reason nobody understands this custom, so yeah, she’ll probably just walk off with the drink and give it to her greasy boyfriend.

By: Tess

Tess — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 19:45:33 +0000

I think that’s just one suggestion to begin with, and I would LOVE to hear more suggestions for good conversation starters! Thanks for your help!

By: Brando

Brando — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 17:25:28 +0000

“Hello, I’m ___. Can I buy you a drink?”

Since when has this been considered a good idea? Most girls will a) be in a group and 2) take the free drink and run.

Not only that but approaching with that line is like asking if you can buy your way into their panties.

And you have to wonder about the dateability of someone who won’t talk to you unless you buy them something. Is that really the kind of person you want to be hanging around?

Buying drinks for people you don’t know? Eff that.