RVANews

Go Do This: Nature Connects®: Art With LEGO Bricks® at Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden

Kelly Gerow — Thu, 09 Jun 2016 15:21:56 +0000

WHAT IT IS

Nature Connects features 27 LEGO brick sculptures displayed throughout Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden. Don't expect a Minecraft kit assembled next to a bucket of tulips--nothing like that from the home of A Million Blooms and a Kajillion Lights (or, as you may know it, Dominion GardenFest of Lights). The nature and garden-themed sculptures are made of half a million LEGO bricks, roughly twice as many LEGO as are on my daughter's floor right now. The goldfinches at a birdfeeder (filled with--wait for it--LEGO bricks), a bison and a calf, and five lily pads in the pond are just some of the awesome and creative uses of the popular plastic bricks.

Although maps are all over the place, we didn't take one, and it was like a scavenger hunt for us to find the displays. My daughter and I didn't see them all on this visit, and I'm looking forward to going back to see the sculptures we missed. And I also learned about the subjects. For instance, dragonflies, such as the Common Green Darner Dragonfly on display, eat up to hundreds of mosquitoes a day.¹

Are delightful LEGO sculptures not enough to entice you and/or you hate walking around a garden? Then visit the Lora M. Robins Library to see the smaller LEGO mosaics on display in the stacks. Kids (and I guess adults) can create their own small mosaics and have them (briefly) displayed on the wall in the library. Another LEGO build area is open in the Carriage House on the weekends.

A discounted Flowers After Five: Family Fun Night With LEGO Bricks on June 16th features reduced admission ($10 for adults and free for kids) and a 25% discount on annual memberships. Activities such as a LEGO brick build area, the water play area in the Children's Garden, and music from the Flying Sulsers run from 5:00 to 8:00 PM.

Other events include a robotics competition, a guided tour of the exhibit, and an outdoor screening of The LEGO Movie.

WHO'S BEHIND IT?

New York artist Sean Kenney created the sculptures, with local artists and groups providing the smaller ongoing activities.

WHERE IT IS

Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden, 1800 Lakeside Avenue.

WHEN IT IS

The exhibit runs through September 18th. The garden is open from 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM daily except for Thursdays, when it's open from 8:00 AM to 9:00 PM.

HOW MUCH IT COSTS

The exhibit is included with regular admission, which is free for members and children under three, $13 for adults, $11 for seniors (55 and older), and $8 for children (age 3-12).

OTHER THINGS TO NOTE

I took my 5-year-old LEGO fanatic and finding-things enthusiast (along with a baby) on a drizzly afternoon. Our rainy day at the garden was one of my favorite visits. It wasn't crowded, the butterflies were crazy active (oh, also Butterflies LIVE! Is happening in the conservatory), and she spent a good hour building mosaics and geeking out with like-minded kids in the library. It was especially nice to spend some time around the pond area, which we often skip, especially when the weather is good for more Children's Garden time. The lily pads and other sculptures in that area were very cool, and we also saw a heron and other notable non-LEGO animals.

Lewis Ginter is already one of my favorite places to visit, and the LEGO exhibit--which I only vaguely knew about beforehand--is a fun and different way to enjoy the garden.

IF YOU DON'T GO DO THIS, YOU WILL . . .

Never know how many LEGO bricks it takes to create a bison calf (OK, you can learn that on the website, but the number is more meaningful in person).

The actual sculpture can only eat, like, seven mosquitoes a day. ↩

Ho there, reader of RSS feeds! Do you ever want to support RVANews in a real and tangible way? Or at least pay a small penance for reading ad-free content? If so, support us on Patreon for a couple bucks a month!

Navigating the weird, wonderful, but mostly weird world of grandparenting

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 31 May 2016 12:15:55 +0000

Photo by: la_febbra

My children have three sets of living grandparents (my husband's parents, my parents, and my grandparents). They are helpful and supportive, and my daughter loves when she gets to see them.¹ That's it. Thanks, everyone. I'm going to write about shows that you're not watching on Netflix now. We'll see you later.

(Waits a minute).

Are they still reading?

No? OK. Good.

Grandparents are strange.

When my peers and I discuss our parents, love and gratitude is implied, but everyone has friction and stressful tales to share. I've had a hard time reasoning how this generation of grandparents behaves compared to how their parents are/were as grandparents. My grandmothers were different from each other in every way except they were both loving grandmas, and never, ever would either of them have owned a "Grandparents House Rules" sign with indulgent whimsy like "cookies are on the breakfast menu" and "what happens here stays here."

Is it because my parents' generation can compare their grandparenting with their friends online and in a way that amplifies the joys and misrepresents realities of having grandkids in front of you? Were our own grandparents hellbent on doing everything their kids asked them not to because of a sense of entitlement? And if so, how did I manage to never hear my parents complain about that?

In my five and a half years of being a person whose children have grandparents, I've been all over the place emotionally with them. One of the most overwhelming aspects about being a new parent was learning to deal with newborn grandparents, too. It was a rocky start, and it didn't get easier for awhile.

I appreciated grandparents more after our second child, my son, was born. I enjoyed their visits because it was nice to have someone there who could pay attention to our daughter and take her to do fun things that we neither had the time or money for while we focused on the baby. And their visits gave my daughter another person to share in her 14-hour news cycle (there has been no evidence that our daughter is ever not talking as long as she's awake). Because of this extra time with her grandparents, she's comfortable and happy to spend time with them, and sometimes she doesn't even ask to play with their phones.

The things I have complained about are petty and stupid compared to other realities, like parents who are no longer living or physically well enough to have meaningful relationships with their grandkids. I feel sorry for grandchildren who won't get to have all the memories that you're supposed to have about your grandma and grandpa, or whatever cute name they're given.²

Some adult children and parents have no relationship, or they have an unfortunate one where the kids are used as pawns. Bad parents can be good grandparents, but they don't have to be given the chance. There are grandparents who are distant and uninterested in their grandkids, and unhelpful and useless when it matters. For me, although I ignore 90% of the help offered me, I know that if I truly needed something, our parents would be here in however long it takes to get here. With cookies for the kids, probably.

Not to list every grievance from both sides of the child, but we've all grown in our roles. There are other grandchildren aside from my kids to focus on, and expectations have been met or failed or forgotten or adjusted to reality. What matters is that our kids are loved and safe. But sometimes I crack and get annoyed, and I'm pretty sure that's when the grandparents hate me. Only your enemies give your children things that are covered in glitter, right?

Because I'm wiser and calmer now, I thought I'd address some common complaints from/about grandparents. Grandparents: Listen up. Parents: You, too. Kids: It's weird that you're reading this, but OK.

Grandparents: Cool it with the desserts and sugary snacks and crap food. Kids who grew up in the 80s didn't eat fresh food until they were 25, and their children don't drink soda and sugary drinks every day. Kids' nutrition is an important thing, and you are not qualified to be in charge of your grandkids' diets. Your own adult children are already stress-eating ice cream after bedtime, and no one wants that habit for the little ones when they grow up.

Parents: If you're on your parents' case about something, does what you're complaining about really matter? Is anyone going to get hurt? Is it something that will bother you after the visit is over, or in 10 years? If not, leave your parents alone and let them do whatever dumb thing they're doing with the kids.

Grandparents: You wouldn't go to the house of an adult person who you respect and say, "Here are thirteen things for your house that you don't want or need. Three of them will definitely ruin your floor." If you can't control the urge to buy things for your grandchildren, then make the items easy to return and don't open them immediately. Or plan to keep them at your house.

Parents: You don't even know the things you've forgotten about your child at different stages of her life. I'm on my second baby, and I barely diaper correctly. Even in the five years between our kids, pediatrician recommendations are different about major things, like medicine dosages and feeding schedules. Helpfully update your parents on what has changed since they were around kids. Be patient with your parents. They're going to pretend they still know best, but at least they'll know the best has been reconsidered.

Grandparents: Get the whooping cough vaccine. Walgreens does them; it's fine.

Parents: Actually talk about visiting frequencies. What you think is too much your parents might think is too little (or vice versa), but your parents might not realize or remember how little non-errand/housework/getting ready for the day or night time you actually get to spend with your kids. A grandparent is an essential person to make time for, but one of many essential things that time needs to be made for.

Related: The holidays, whichever they may be. I read some advice that if you have a lot of people to make happy, especially around major holidays, then celebrate a holiday or birthday two or three times. Nope. I cannot disagree with this more. The Christmas season, for instance, apparently starts on September 30th and actually now ends on December 22nd, and that is plenty of time to fit in some holiday cheer with all who matter. 10 years' worth of birthdays and holidays all blend into one anyway--unless something terrible or fire-related happened during one of the events--so don't make a big deal about everything. My advice is to change it up every year if there's no way to make all parties satisfied.

Parents: If you're not paying your parents to watch your kids, you're getting what you pay for. If you're not comfortable leaving your parents alone with your kids, then don't.

Grandparents: Treat your grandchildren as if they were someone else's children. Which they are. Pay attention to the instructions. Don't let the Grandparents House Rules sign turn into a guideline for child endangerment or neglect.

Both of you: Plan to do something with your parents/adult children without the grandkids once and a while. It's important to remember that you were related before those kids came and changed everything, and it might help you relate to each other a little more again.

Phew. That's a log of baggage. Good luck, I have to go eat some post-bedtime ice cream and text some grandmas a few thank you messages and baby photos.

My son is about to turn one and I'm not sure how he feels about his grandparents. He will probably like them. ↩
I haven't thought too much about what it would be like to be a grandma, except that I want to be called "Grumpy." ↩

Why you shouldn’t panic about Maymont Children’s Farm

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 26 Apr 2016 15:47:53 +0000

Photo by: travelationship

Maymont's Children's Farm has closed until sometime in the fall while it undergoes renovations. Don't panic and stock up on baby goats to last you until the updates are complete, because this doesn't change any visiting plans as much as you'd think.

The parking lot next to the farm will be closed starting April 25th for about six weeks (and then periodically during construction). The Nature & Visitor Center and Hampton Street entrance parking lots remain open.

The animals won't be packed up in the mansion attic with the Christmas decorations. They'll be housed in temporary shelters, and most will be in the pastures during the day, available for business-as-usual adoration (though a location for the feed vending machines is still being determined).

The Children's Farm project, part of the Spirit of Generosity capital and endowment campaign for the Maymont Foundation, includes new classrooms, restrooms, barn renovations (the first major improvements in more than 30 years), and expanded parking.

Bruin Richardson, Executive Director of the Maymont Foundation, says, "The construction is being done now because the fairly significant earthwork is much better done in the spring and summer months. In addition, doing the construction during warmer months allows more of our animals to be available to our guests in the pastures."

Landscaping for the project can be done in the fall, as well as replanting, when the plants are more likely to thrive. The plants in Marie's Butterfly Garden, for instance, were relocated and will be replanted when construction is complete.

Birthday parties in the Children's Farm are currently not being scheduled. Summer camps and educational programs are not affected this year, and will be able to expand with the new classroom space. The barn itself is not being expanded--just renovated--which means no plans for additional animals. The construction will not disrupt plans for school or day care trips, with the exception of parking.

Updates on the construction will be made through Maymont's website, in addition to Twitter, Facebook, and signs at the Children's Farm gate and around the property.

What to expect when you’re expecting to go to RPS: A generally positive outlook

Kelly Gerow — Wed, 16 Mar 2016 15:16:32 +0000

Kindergarten registration for Richmond Public Schools begins on April 14. For many parents, making the decision to register their children at RPS is not an easy one. For many more parents, it's not a decision.

Whether you're still considering RPS, have decided to send your child, or don't have a choice where your child is educated, it's easy to become intimidated by a school system that is always in the news for its subpar facilities, budget issues, or City and School Board clashes. I'd heard and read low opinions about local schools for years, but by the time my daughter was able to attend VPI Virginia Preschool Initiative in Richmond, we had the benefit of knowing parents whose kids were actually attending schools in Richmond.¹ Even though they were only one or two years in, most everyone was having a typical elementary school experience.

When I wrote about my interest in sending my daughter to Richmond Public Schools back in 2014, she was still two years away from starting kindergarten. The comments to the column were a typical mix of reactions you'd get when you bring up RPS: you're a bad parent for experimenting on your child, it's a terrible school system, the cost-per-pupil is very high so why doesn't money solve all the problems?, and probably a comment about the baseball stadium. Basically, writing about city schools is click-bait. I've learned to tune out the anti-RPS rhetoric from people whose opinion of the schools is based on proudly not sending their kids, or from experiences years ago. A lot has changed, will change, and is changing with the schools, but there are kids trying to get an education today. Here's what it's like for the parents who are there now.

Be There

"We look at schools the wrong way," according to Bryce Lyle. Lyle teaches in Chesterfield County Public Schools, but has been an active advocate for Westover Hills Elementary in Southside Richmond for years, way before his child was even old enough to attend school. He currently serves as the school liaison for the Westover Hills Neighborhood Association, and is a member of the WHES PTA.²

Instead of thinking about why schools are good or bad, Lyle said we should think of what works at other schools. If Richmond spends more per pupil than surrounding school systems, clearly money isn't the issue. "I would contend that--as a teacher and a human--parental involvement makes a difference."

That sentiment is common when talking to other parents and teachers in Richmond. And it's echoed by the schools themselves--last year RPS launched a campaign called Be There RPS to encourage parents to become more active in their children's education ("Be your child's favorite teacher").

Sharon May, a fifth grade teacher at Bellevue Elementary, who also has twins who attend kindergarten in a Richmond school, has noticed that parents make the difference in a child's success. "If parents don't or are not able to buy into the academic culture, teachers are fighting a losing battle to get their students to fall in love with learning," she told me in an email.

"You as the parent are the best advocate for your child . . . your child is a part of a community by nature of their relationship with their school and by advocating for the needs of your child you are, hopefully, advocating for the needs of that entire school family."

Angel, another RPS parent, has had three kids in Richmond schools. Her oldest recently graduated from George Wythe High and now attends college. She has a son at George Wythe and a daughter at Open High.

"It all starts at home," Angel says. Her oldest was at a home school until she entered kindergarten, and in kindergarten she was reading at a third grade level. "She assisted the teacher in teaching the other children how to read."

Angel credits her and her husband's involvement with their children as part of the success they've had at school. They've worked to their children's strengths and addressed their weaknesses.

"Don't just talk to the teachers when there's a problem," she says. "I would recommend to always have an open communication with the teacher and the principals." She added, "I went to every single parent/teacher conference," even when she was told she didn't need to go.

Whenever her children had any issues, Angel said that the administration at all the schools her children attended were receptive and supportive.

"As long as you are a parent who wants more information and wants to know how you could do better, and work [with the teachers], it's a smooth process."

She has noticed a difference in the attention the students get based on their class placement. Her eldest daughter was in all honors classes, and "They are pushed more. The teachers are more creative." Students in honors classes are sometimes separated from the rest of the school. "I wish it was like that for all different levels," she said of the more advanced attention they'd get.

Abbie, a teacher, has two children currently attending RPS and one who has graduated. Her children have attended various schools, including William Fox Elementary, Binford Middle, Lucille M. Brown Middle, Open High, and Thomas Jefferson High.

She and her children have had both positive and negative experiences, but she said in an email, "Rarely would any family go through 13-plus years of children in any school without challenges." Regarding the different issues she's faced, "As a teacher myself, I understand the surrounding factors for choices and decisions made. What was important to me was that the issues were always addressed."

Testing

One of Angel's concerns with RPS is how the focus in the classroom is fixed on SOLs (Standards of Learning) (PDF), which is a state-wide curriculum with testing that begins in the third grade. "I feel like the teachers are being held back from doing the great things teachers used to do."

May also has concerns about the testing culture in the schools, both on the stress it places on her and her students, and how it will affect her own kids. "True education is about a love of learning, not a love of testing to prove that you have learned," she said.

SOLs played a role in Page Hayes removing her daughter from RPS to enroll in a private school.

Hayes said that they were committed to using City schools, even though it was a neighborhood trend for a family to move away from Richmond shortly after a baby was born. Her daughter attended RPS from Pre-K through third grade.

"Our kid, being a fantastic reader and bright kid, was essentially warehoused while the teacher focused on bringing the lower-scoring children up to speed," Hayes said in an email. No other teaching was being done during testing, with students watching videos during that two-week testing period when they weren't actually taking the tests themselves.

The focus on testing, in addition to years of poor communication and "ineffective administration," led Hayes to look elsewhere. Her family wasn't interested in moving to Chesterfield County, especially with the large student body at a typical middle school, so she and her husband placed their daughter in an affordable private school.

While they hope to return to RPS, especially given the number of alternative high schools, Hayes has been pleased with their decision. "My kid's education is more important than the school's SOLs. She's being taught how to learn, how to manage her time, and her homework supports what she's learning in the classroom that week."

Schools as a Community

Rupa has two children who are attending Richmond Public Schools, though she had anticipated that her family would be one of those that moved out of their city neighborhood because of the schools. Her first child was in a private school for Pre-K, and when she learned that none of his friends were remaining in that school for kindergarten, she started looking around at the surrounding counties and private schools.

It wasn't their first choice, she says of RPS, "and the reputation of Richmond Public Schools is that you can't get through K through 12."

However, after meeting families on the school's playground, "We kept gravitating to Munford."

When her son first started at Mary Munford Elementary, she said it "felt like this wonderful elementary school firing on all cylinders." Now with two children in the school, Rupa is in the school's PTA, and is able to volunteer time to the school. She said that her children get attention from teachers, and are challenged and engaged.

Rupa credits the success of the city's entire 1st district to Munford, and then credits the success of Munford to principal Greg Muzik and his leadership skills. "What makes a great school is the community inside the school," Rupa said. She notes that Munford has less neglect than other schools in the city, but it still deals with a lot of the same issues as other schools. However, with strong leadership and parental involvement, they band together and accomplish things like raising money for equipment and making repairs.

Rupa says the parents don't just talk about things like how many computers the school can buy, but they talk about what can be better across the district, and how they can keep their teachers. Rupa said that recent talks about teacher engagement and supporting teacher development has brought a "wave of energy" through the city regarding schools right now. ³:

"It's an exciting time to be young and in the city." She said she can see communities throughout the city rallying around their neighborhood schools because the young families don't want to leave.

The Middle School Issue

Rupa says they will continue to do what's best for their kids, and that she is constantly thinking about what's coming up next. "'Where are you going to middle school' comes up, oh, four times a week."

While you'd be challenged to find a middle school that is an ideal educational and social situation anywhere--most notably because they would all have middle school-aged children in them--a lot of Richmond families don't commit to middle school despite having a good elementary school experience.

"We've lost a lot of great families," Rupa says of her neighbors who've headed to the counties or gone to private school. As of now, she's planning for her son to attend Albert Hill Middle, like a lot of Munford students ahead of him.

Kristen Larson, Richmond School Board member for the 4th district, says that the when it comes to getting ready for middle school, it's basically the same process as with elementary school.

"The key to all of this is actually going to the school, meeting the principal, and getting a sense of the school's climate and culture."

As of the current school year, Lucille M. Brown Middle in the Southside is now an all-IB (International Baccalaureate) program. Larson says that on a recent visit there, she found the students engaged and willing to challenge her during their conversations.

This current school year is Binford Middle's first as an arts integration program. Larson visited the open house as a prospective parent. She says that she's gotten positive feedback from the parents and that the teachers are, "very engaged teachers who are excited to be teaching in a different way."

Abbie cites high turnover with administration and teachers as an issue in some of the schools her kids have attended, including Binford and Hill, but that the school board seems to be working to fix those issues. She remarks that the principal at Hill, "really turned things around--she listens and makes change where change is necessary." As for Brown, she says that the changes have been positive, and thinks her child is receiving a quality education. She also mentioned the art teacher and program as a highlight.

Open Enrollment and Finding the Right School

Open enrollment, the time period during which you can apply to place your child in a school outside of your zone, occurred this past fall for the 2016-2017 school year. Some schools are already at capacity and cannot accept out-of-zone students. However, the zone around Binford is intentionally small so that there are spots available for students to attend via open enrollment, Larson said.

If you are able to get into an out-of-zone school, with the exception of Binford Middle, transportation would not be available for your student.

Patrick Henry School of Sciences and Art, RPS's only charter school, is open for all RPS elementary students to apply. The application for the next school year is closed, and students will be selected by lottery this year. An online waitlist application will be made available on April 4th.

A few of the parents I talked to did mention changing schools to fit the needs of their children (in addition to frustrations with the Exceptional Education offerings in middle and high school), so if one school in Richmond doesn't work for your child, that doesn't mean none of them will.

Title I

Most the schools in RPS are Title I schools, which is a Federal assistance program. From the RPS website, "Title I is the largest federally funded program developed to provide additional educational services to help disadvantaged students meet state academic standards. The purpose of Title I is to provide supplementary resources to students who attend schools in high economically challenged areas. Free and reduced lunch is used to determine poverty ranking." Schools with at least 40% of students coming from low-income families are eligible for Title I funding.⁴

Richmond isn't alone with stats like this--more than half of America's public school students live in poverty. Programs like Head Start and VPI try to manage some of the inequalities due to economic factors to give students more classroom experience before kindergarten begins.

Let's say that this reality doesn't apply to you. You're economically sound and your student is surrounded by books and support and has advantages that children from lower-income households do not. Maybe you're worried that your child might be held back while waiting for other students to catch up.⁵ Or maybe you're concerned that your child might be part of a racial minority within the school.

According to the NPR piece When Integrating a School, Does It Matter If You Use Class Instead of Race?, evidence shows that "When a school reaches a stable level of about 30% middle-class students, the lower-income students achieve at higher levels and the privileged students do no worse."

Or to be more blunt: The Evidence that White Children Benefit from Integrated Schools.⁶

Get in the door

Visit the school. This is the most essential thing you can do.

If your option is a school that doesn't have a good reputation, but you're interested in sending your child, Lyle suggests that the first thing you do is talk to the principal. Next, find likeminded parents and get the neighborhood involved in the school.

Rupa says that you can't learn about the inside of a school from the playground alone. "Get to know some of the families who are in your district," she said. "Do whatever it takes to meet the community who is in the school."

Catherine, another RPS parent who has a child at Chimborazo Elementary and one at Mary Munford, also recommends that hesitant parents go into the schools. "Meet administrators and teachers. No school is perfect, but we have found that our children are well loved by peers, administrators, and teachers at all schools within RPS. They need your support and really appreciate it, and by working together we can help our schools be all we want them to be."

Larson noted the positive impact that open houses have had on enrollment and the school's relationship with the surrounding neighborhoods. "The most important thing is to go into the school," she said. "I'm looking to my schools across the district to do more outreach."

"If you walk through the door and you have a negative experience, please share that, too," Larson added. "Feedback is what helps us improve."

I attended an open house event at my neighborhood school last fall. During the morning meeting with the principal, children who were selected to lead the tour, and other parents, I asked myself why I wouldn't want to send my daughter there. What was I thinking that an elementary school was supposed to look like? I could see my child wanting to be picked to be part of the open house tour. I could see her in the school's garden or in a classroom. Or even in the hallway stalling at the water fountain. I was charmed by the experience, and wondered what else could a parent on the fence about RPS be shown that would push them over either way.

The best part of the tour was taking a peek into the music classroom. The music teacher was teaching the kids to read music by playing the xylophone, which is a more economical choice over the recorder, the standard classroom instrument. Every child would have to have his or her own recorder, but xylophones are a shared resource and are easier to clean. The kids playing tunes on the xylophones were louder than all the other noise we hear about schools. It's easy to forget that schools are not the buildings, but are the children inside of them, and kids are awesome if you let them be. And I always hated the recorder.

While I'm getting used to the idea that our children's schooling will become a part-time job for us if they're going to be successful, and I go back and forth between being discouraged and excited about school, I'm at least a little more prepared for what to expect, good and bad, and I know if we're having problems, we won't be the first to have them and will have a network of neighbors to help us navigate issues.

— ∮∮∮ —

Utterly confused about Richmond's current public school drama? Don't know why you should care? Check out our EDU FAQ series, and let us break it way down for you.

Having friends walk me through the VPI process was essential, as I needed to be repeatedly told to lower my expectations on communication with the VPI office, though once the school year started, things have been great. ↩
Read our profile on Bryce. ↩
More about treating those teachers well here. ↩
My daughter's preschool is a Title 1 school. So far, it's meant she gets free breakfast and lunch, and every month RVA Reads comes to read and she gets a free book to take home. Students who need the additional services are not singled out. ↩
No one I spoke with mentioned this as a concern. ↩
I'm not qualified to speak on the non-white experience, but when I hear a story about race or class issues in schools, I can't help but think of Richmond. And since I have a public radio story for everything, give a couple hours to listen to this two-part This American Life episode on integrated schools. ↩

How to spend your Martin Luther King, Jr. Day of Service

Kelly Gerow — Thu, 14 Jan 2016 19:00:54 +0000

Photo by: Daquella manera

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day is the only federal holiday that is considered a day of service, and the only one with a motto--"A Day On, Not A Day Off." This weekend's events around Richmond provide opportunities to give back to the community, reflect on King's legacy, and reopen a dialogue about how present day events relate to the Civil Rights Movement in King's time.

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day became a federal holiday in 1983 to honor the late civil rights leader, and Congress appointed MLK Day as a day of service in 1994. The Corporation for National and Community Service is the official caretaker of MLK Day, during which "Americans of every age and background celebrate Dr. King through service projects that strengthen communities, empower individuals, bridge barriers, and create solutions."

If you're wondering why you've heard about MLK Day more in recent years, it might be because President and Mrs. Obama reintroduced the purpose of the day through the President's United We Serve initiative to promote volunteering.

HandsOn Greater Richmond, which connects individuals with volunteer opportunities, has been coordinating events for MLK Day for years--it's one of their biggest events of the year¹. Registration is open, but spots are limited for events, which include crafting at Maymont, visiting with senior citizens, yard and park clean up and maintenance, and a DIY project to make and distribute seed bombs of native wildflowers throughout the James River Park System.

HandsOn is also co-hosting a free screening of the 2014 film Selma with the Virginia Center for Inclusive Communities, and University of Richmond's Bonner Center for Civic Engagement on Sunday, January 17th at 3:00 PM at the Byrd Theatre. The movie focuses on the role of King and others in the marches from Selma to Montgomery, Alabama that eventually led to the Voting Rights Act becoming a law in 1965.

A Q&A will follow the film, along with a discussion on the legacy of the Civil Rights Movement in Richmond. Scheduled to participate are Thad Williamson and Evette Roots from Richmond's Office of Community Wealth Building, Oliver Hill, Jr., PhD (Virginia State University professor and son of Civil Rights attorney Oliver Hill), and Renee Hill, PhD (Associate Professor at VSU). A discussion guide will be given to attendees and includes questions such as, "What was a time that you stood up to injustice? How did it feel? Was it successful?" Advance registration is requested.

This event is being held on a Sunday as a nod to the national volunteer network Points of Light's Sunday Suppers, which encourages people from diverse backgrounds to gather and discuss issues over a meal. Hosting a Sunday Supper is one of the five ways that Points of Light recommends people serve on MLK Day, along with volunteering, and teaching your children how to serve the community.

In addition to sponsoring events, classes have been canceled at the University of Richmond for students, staff, and faculty to observe MLK Day. A full schedule of UR's own programming can be found here, and includes volunteer work, learning about local history, and a family celebration to engage children in civil rights history. Virginia Commonwealth University will have an entire MLK Celebration Week to encourage community engagement and service.

Volunteers are encouraged to share how they're serving and why on social media using #MLKDayRVA. If you're not able to attend a community event on MLK Day, or if you want to turn your "day on" into "many days on," both HandsOn Greater Richmond and Points of Light have ongoing volunteer events. Check out HandsOn Greater Richmond's Pinterest for ideas on how to volunteer with children.

The organization's biggest volunteer event is HandsOn Day, which is October 15th, 2016. ↩

Parks, recreation, and all your exercise needs

Kelly Gerow — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 16:33:40 +0000

Presenting our second annual Fitness Guide, which has expanded from one week to two! Keep an eye out for more wellness-related content through January 24th, including a couple of really good giveaways.

For years I have been researching classes for my daughter (soccer, dance, karate, that kind of thing), and my online searches for "sport" plus "Richmond" link to businesses billing themselves as Richmond's finest or best, all inconveniently located in places like Glen Allen.

I know Richmond is small, and we're surrounded by a Greater Richmond Area, but I've found a lack of affordable and accessible classes in the city for kids--classes that won't involve a commute that eats up a precious Saturday morning. If I have to spend an hour waiting around with other parents during a class, it would be nice for them to be parents in my community, so we can dish about the same schools and neighborhoods and learn things from each other.

How have I managed to grow up and raise a child in the city and have no idea that Richmond offered a variety of classes for youth and adults that include sports, visual arts, and park programs?

I recently overheard a parent at my daughter's school say her child was in a dance class given by the City. I found the program guide (PDF) for Parks and Recreation, located the dance classes and looked over the other available courses, and in about 10 minutes I had the next 13 years of my child's after-school activities planned. Even an evening class sounds less intimidating when it's just 10 to 15 minutes away.

How have I managed to grow up and raise a child in the city and have no idea that Richmond offered a variety of classes for youth and adults that include sports, visual arts, and park programs? Judging by the number of classes offered, it's clearly not a secret, and the activities are as diverse as the city is.

"There is something for everyone. Our program offerings range from Introduction to Whitewater Kayaking to learning how to belly dance," said Tamara E. Jenkins with the Richmond Department of Parks, Recreation and Community Facilities.

The community centers throughout the city--in addition to the City parks, First Tee of Richmond Golf Complex, and indoor aquatic centers at Bellemeade and Swansboro--host a variety of ways to keep people of every age engaged with opportunities to get fit year-round.

For youth, the usual activity suspects are present: karate, ballet, soccer, football, cheerleading, basketball, and swim (both lessons and a swim team, the Richmond Waves). Beyond that, kids can take water polo classes, modern dance classes, tennis clinics, and track and field. Most of the sports are co-ed, though there are some girls-only teams, like softball.

More advanced dancers have the chance to audition for the City Dance Theatre, an award-winning company that performs classical ballet, jazz, and modern dance throughout Virginia.

For adults looking for fun classes to take, there are many aquatic options (basic swim lessons, water aerobics, and the River City Magnolias for good, old-fashioned synchronized swimming). Out of the water, you can work on your movement skills with the aforementioned belly dancing, cardio line dancing, a Chicago Steppers class, and Zumba.

Dance classes are taught by professional teachers, and sports are run by volunteer coaches and community center staff. The costs for classes vary (and there's an added $20 fee for non-city residents). Some classes cost as little as nothing. Dance classes start at $65, basketball starts at $25, swim classes are $45 (and if you haven't priced classes before, those are bargains). The program will offer reduced fees in order to make classes affordable for any child who wants to participate.

Basically, anything you can want to do that gets you off the couch, Parks and Recreation has you covered.

Currently the Fall/Winter program guide is available online (PDF). Most classes will wrap up in February. The course offerings for the spring and summer will be similar, but expect more to be scheduled to include the James River Park System. Additionally, the year-round programs have library events, activities for senior citizens, visual arts, theatre, and crafting classes. Basically, anything you can want to do that gets you off the couch, Parks and Recreation has you covered. There's the possibility that you or someone you know can become a tennis playing lifeguard who dabbles in kayaking and praise dancing.

Can't wait until the spring to get started? There are a few outdoor events coming up that can involve the whole family. James River Park adventure hikes, Belle Isle History Hike, and Family Camping 101 are offered in February. James River Parks are also used for bird walks, yoga, biking activities, and white water kayaking clinics.

Registration for spring dance classes begins February 9th, with other programs beginning in March. Summer camp registration opens on February 8th for city residents, and March 1st for all others. Registration can be completed online.

2015 gift guide for people who have KonMari’ed and don’t want more physical objects

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 08 Dec 2015 17:00:47 +0000

Photo by: Kim Bost

Christmas shopping is stressful. There's pressure to get the right thing without feeling cheap about it, and I don't like the idea of wasting money on something that isn't useful. Also, I don't want any other things in my house, and judging by everyone's KonMari allegiance, I know I'm not the only one who feels that way.

For Christmas gifts, I've started to actually do something with a loved one instead of getting them an object. It's a great way to say, "I feel obligated to give you a gift, but also I like hanging out with you." There are plenty of ways to spread holiday cheer and get some IRL time with friends and family, plus eliminate the anxiety of picking out the correct scarf or feeling like a dud for giving a gift card. Here are some picks that you're welcome to rip off entirely or use for inspiration to come up with your own plan.

Dressing Downton: Changing Fashion for Changing Times at the Virginia Historical Society

Someone you know still likes Downton Abbey. And everyone will like or currently likes the Virginia Historical Society, which has recently undergone renovations. Come for the dozens of costumes used in the hit PBS show (which takes place throughout the early 1900s, in case you've never heard of it and aren't sure what the clothing fuss is about) and stay for the Story of Virginia (which is the state where we live, in case you've never heard of it and aren't sure what all the historical fuss is about). Blow your dough and go deluxe by treating the Maggie Smithhead in your life to a nice lunch nearby after you go through the museum.

Now through January 10th
Virginia Historical Society, 428 North Boulevard
Exhibit is $20 for non-members, free for members

Gypsy at the November Theatre

Take a mom or mom-like figure in your life to this musical and either stare at her accusingly during the entire show or enjoy the lyrics of Stephen Sondheim and the incredible production (depending on your relationship with your mother). I've not been disappointed by anything I've seen at the November Theatre, and our theater reviewer loved it, too! There is no shortage of quality live theater in Richmond right now, but this one lasts a little past the New Year, so you can make a date after things slow down.

Now through January 10th
Sara Belle and Neil November Theatre, 114 W. Broad Street
$36-60

For the Kids

In lieu of a physical present (which they probably don't need anyway), spend time with the children in your life by taking them someplace fun. This could also double as a gift for an overwhelmed parent who has to deal with schools being closed. The only 100-piece box that won't annoy parents is one that's filled with memories and goodwill¹!

Actually getting there is always the tricky part of activities with kids who aren't yours, since they have to be in booster seats until they're 24. When you drive a Honda Civic like I do, that severely limits the number of people you can safely transport. But those are the boring details for the adults to worry about.

I suggest the birthday party/field trip staples Jumpology in Glen Allen and SkyZone in Midlothian. Reservations are recommended for both, and they have special time slots for different age groups. I normally don't go for this type of loud, overactive environment, but jumping on a floor of trampolines with my daughter during a field trip while music from Frozen played is one of my more joyful memories of this year, and it's good exercise. Pro tip: schedule your visit as soon as the place opens, if possible.

Don't want to deal with a bunch of small kids flying around? Take them to a movie, like the latest Pixar film The Good Dinosaur or Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Get them all the snacks their parents won't let them have! But still sneak in bottled waters, because no child is worth a $4.50 Dasani.

Holiday Afternoon Tea at Southerly

What's nicer than a fancy holiday tea at the historic Jefferson Hotel? Unless you made reservations, you're not going to find out this year because it's sold out already. But Southern Season's Southerly restaurant is ready to step in as your new annual tradition. Treat someone to a festive late afternoon meal featuring scones, sandwiches, desserts, and tea, and follow it up with gourmet food and gift shopping afterwards. Reservations are recommended--oh, also, this is today!

Southerly (Southern Season), 2250 Staples Mill Road
December 8th, 3:00 PM to 5:00 PM
$13 for children, $19 for adults

Get fit with friends

Resolution time is coming up. That means you'll declare (probably aloud) that you want to see your friends more and you also want to exercise. Streamline those goals and buy you and your friend a reason to exercise together². For example, a package of classes at Boho Cycle Studios starts at $42 for three. Or, commit to the Monument Ave 10k on April 9th by covering the registration fee or the 10-week training team fee (which includes race entry). Exercise pals are some of the best pals.

I have too many opinions on gifts for kids--read about that here. Also, gift memberships are a great family gift. Read more about that here. ↩
I watched a Christmas episode of Friends where they exchanged gifts and I realized that I don't even consider buying Christmas presents for friends. The last time I bought gifts for friends was probably when Friends was still airing new episodes. I still send a Christmas card to Matt LeBlanc, though. ↩

The second life of your cast-off race clothes

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 10 Nov 2015 17:18:30 +0000

Photo by: frankreidjr

When facing a running race, a major worry--other than one's overall performance and whether there will still be pizza left at the finish line--is what to wear. One of the biggest races in Richmond, the Anthem Richmond Marathon with the accompanying half marathon¹ and 8k, occurs in the late fall. Though the day may warm up to "seasonably pleasant," it is typically very cold in the mornings, sometimes below freezing. But any regular runner knows that things quickly warm up after you cross the starting line.

Other runners and walkers that I've talked to about race-day plans have told me that they dress in layers and shed extra jackets, hats, sweatshirts, and gloves along the route, under the assumption that those items are then picked up and donated to homeless individuals.

That's not exactly what happens. Don't worry--your hat doesn't get washed into a sewer or thrown out with crushed Diamond Springs cups--but your old gear takes a little journey before it helps someone else out.

Sports Backers, the organization behind all sorts of events, including the Richmond Marathon and the Ukrop's Monument Avenue 10k, works with Area 10 Faith Community to collect and launder clothes left behind by runners on the first two miles of the marathon, half marathon, and 8k²: routes.

Nicole Farr, Engage Director with Area 10 Faith Community, says that in previous years the clothes were donated to various organizations, but that due to the increasing volume, they now give all items to the Salvation Army to distribute.

"The amount of clothes collected on race morning continues to climb," she said. "The first couple years we did this, we collected about two tons. The last couple years, we have collected over four tons."

The Salvation Army then sells the clothes through its stores to benefit the Salvation Army Adult Rehabilitation Center, which, according to Matt Frazier, Dispatch Supervisor with the Salvation Army ARC in Richmond, works to helps men overcome personal and social challenges, re-enter society, re-establish vital relationships, and return to gainful employment.

Anyone interested in helping with the collection after the races can sign up through Area 10's website.

This year's marathon is on Saturday, November 14th. The temperatures on race day will start out in the 40s. If you're not sure what that means for your outfit, Runner's World has a guide for how you should dress.

And, of course, if you have some winter gear in good condition that you're not planning to strip off during the first two miles of a race, items like hats, gloves, coats, and blankets (like those warm and incredibly welcome and then immediately forgotten fleece blankets given out at the finish line) are on the needs list for the Daily Planet, which offers healthcare and other services to people who are homeless or at risk for homelessness.

Disclosure: I've run two-half marathons. That doesn't present a conflict with any content in the story, but I want everyone to know anyway. ↩
Love of Jesus Thrift Store handles the collection of items after the Ukrop's Monument Avenue 10k. ↩

Happy Weekend, RVA: We’re not saying the “p” word yet

Kelly Gerow — Sat, 29 Aug 2015 11:00:43 +0000

Photo by: carolineyi

This weekend will be partly cloudy and in the upper 80s with lows in the 60s on Saturday and up to 90 °F on Sunday. Apparel translation: the outfit you wear every weekend (which I assume is some sort of shorts and tank top ensemble) with a long sleeve shirt overnight. And I don't want to see people walking around wearing boots and talking about pumpkin spice. I don't even want to hear anyone say the word "pumpkin." It's still summer, people. You're going to eat a popsicle, and you're going to like it.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

Although I have a fat-cheeked three-month old baby at home, I changed the background of my computer desktop to this photo of peanut butter cups made by Abby Waller.

In recycling news (one of my favorite types of news), Fake Richmonder has suggestions for repurposing old recycling bins. Also check out this helpful tip about Recycling Perks. I signed up with the link and all my recycling bin info autofilled, which I presume is because I'm a valued citizen and noted recycler.

People who like bicycles in Richmond seem to me like the most adequately-served demographic in town, but they probably don't see it that way. Anyway, the Capital Trail is nearing completion.

In Big Bike Race™ news, according to Councilman Charles Samuels's fall newsletter, zoning issues with Airbnb have not been resolved yet, making it still a no-go in Richmond, though I'm not sure what's keeping anyone from renting the use of their bathroom for $100 a day and then throwing in the entire house for free.

A Richmond Public Schools teacher offers a little before school prework to motivate and challenge people to work toward a better future for the kids. I'm sending my oldest child into the RPS world next month, and I'm hopeful that whoever her teacher is that he or she has a magical glitter unicorn already decorated.

REASONS TO STAY IN BED

Catch up on PostBourgie podcasts, including a recent interview with Nikole Hannah-Jones in the wake of her excellent two-part episode of This American Life about school desegregation, and #GrowingUpSouthern, a discussion between former Richmonder Terryn and Philadelphia Native Gene about how they view the Confederate Flag differently.

REASONS TO GET UP

Because my daughter wants to watch Bo on the Go.
Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Schumer are writing a movie together. This is already my favorite movie of whatever year it might be made and released.

Our House: Bed rest and beyond

Kelly Gerow — Fri, 31 Jul 2015 16:00:47 +0000

Photo by: ♥ jules

I was in a hospital for 64 days this year due to pregnancy complications. I went in at 25 weeks pregnant, and was released two days after giving birth to my son at 34 weeks. When you enter the hospital being told that there's a chance your baby won't survive if you go into labor that night, you don't expect to go home with a healthy baby. However, everything that could go well in my situation did go well and when I was discharged from the hospital, I left with my son.

Being in a hospital for an extended stay is probably more traumatic if you're not sure that you're leaving, and it doesn't quite rank with being incarcerated or deployed,¹ but it is on a spectrum of isolating experiences that you have to go through to really understand. One of the questions that I got the most both during and after is how I dealt with boredom, and I've found that hard to answer. I was unexpectantly removed from all the things in my life that make me feel whole, like being able to take care of my family, go to work, and/or have the freedom to leave a building. I was an active and healthy person who was given physical restrictions and kept in a place associated with illness. With all the time spent worrying that the only alternative to going home was to have a premature baby and a lengthy NICU stay, plus the fear, anxiety, and financial and logistical burdens, having to deal with boredom wasn't my top concern. Though I suppose a good short answer is, "I played a lot of WordBrain on my phone."

I've had two months to process what happened to me. The biggest revelation for me was to be honest with myself that there was something to process after bed rest.² I was positive and uncomplaining to exhaustion for most of my hospitalization. Staying upbeat and keeping all the fear and sadness to myself instead of sharing it with the number of people who were there to listen to me was not the most healthy way to go about it. I wanted to make my concerned visitors feel better. I told them all the good news and that I had everything else under control. I didn't tell people that I secretly hated everyone who got to spend time with my daughter outside of a hospital setting or how sad it was to eat hospital food alone on a Sunday evening. Even though I had the best possible outcome and medical care, and many good memories from my time there, bed rest was terrible.

When I came home, I was recovering from childbirth, reentering real life after 64 days, and had a newborn baby whom I could only remotely prepare for. While my husband was out getting dinner that first night, I had a terrible crying fit that scared my daughter.³ We had to explain to her that nothing was wrong but I might do things like cry for a while (she was spared seeing it after that). The next night we all sat on the couch and ate sandwiches and watched a movie, and I almost cried again because I was happy to be home and with the baby. I overworked that first weekend and was still in pain, and overwhelmed with the dozens of things that I wanted to do. Thanks to my husband and mother-in-law, a lot of work was done to our house (some of it was a surprise. It was like a home makeover show), and I was eager to help get the rest of our home organized.

When I thought back about the hospital stay--especially the first night when the nurse confirmed that my water had indeed broken several months before it was scheduled to--I experienced the same panic and sadness, although I was home and safe. Two weeks after the baby was born, I was asked by two different people I had just met at a party some open-ended questions to describe how terrible it was. I managed a response but felt gutted and wanted to leave. I did not want to talk about it--that's how I got by for two months--and I certainly couldn't make small talk to strangers that either did the experience justice or made me not sound like a sleep-deprived basketcase.

I was worried that my relationship with my daughter would be affected by my absence from the house, but we quickly fell back into a good routine. I spent more of the next seven weeks at home with her than with the new baby (who is still doing great, by the way). For awhile she was clingy and cried when I left her at school. She cried at the smallest things. But after spending more time with her classmates and seeing that they acted the same way, I didn't worry as much. She's done well coping with the new baby in the house, and did exceptionally well during the hospital stay. It's me who has hangups about it. When her dad is giving her a bath or putting her to bed and I'm in the other room with the baby and can overhear them, I get sad at that glimpse of what life was like for them without me, although they did fine. She had many sleepovers (mostly with my sister) while I was in the hospital, and she continues to ask everyone if she can sleep over, but the idea of spending a night away from her again is too hard right now.

Although we only dealt with less than three days of my son being cared for in the NICU, we were mentally prepared for more than that. Even those few days were strange. It's weird having to ask someone if you can hold your own child. My job was to pump, nap, make phone calls to sort out insurance and disability, and pack up to leave, and I felt almost unessential to my son's care. Even when we faced only an extra day with him in the NICU after I went home, it was stressful planning how to make that day work. On the morning I was discharged, a nurse confirmed he could go home the next day, and immediately another nurse walked over and said he could go home that afternoon if he passed a couple screenings (I also get weepy thinking about that moment, but I don't count that as hospital-related PTSD).

I imagined the complicated feelings other parents had during NICU hospitalizations. I kept thinking of ways that situation could be worse, even though we were in the clear. What about those moms who were on bed rest for most of the pregnancy, had two months of the NICU, and then had to adjust to home life with an infant and had to return to work right away, if not before the baby came home? What about those parents who lived out of town and couldn't see their baby every day? At some point, would you not even want to bother visiting? Even though we avoided a typical NICU experience for a premature baby, it was hard to shake the dread and anticipation that had been building for nine weeks.

We had a parade of help from our friends and families while I was in the hospital. Our circle of friends took control of what they could immediately. I had visitors and messages of best wishes and offers to help. Our daughter had her first sleepover that weekend after a playdate and lunch out with friends. The number of people who brought me food and gifts, took care of our daughter, checked in on and walked our dog, checked in with my husband and me, and even brought their families to hang out with mine at the hospital made me feel loved and secure. I have made a list of it all and hope to one day do something to show everyone how much it meant to me to feel that taken care of (though I think the most I can really do is make sure that I am that helpful in the future if I suspect someone needs it).

When we brought our first child home, we had stocked up on prepared food. Meals were brought to us, too, and dinners were taken care for that first month. This time, our moms had brought groceries because we didn't have much food at the house. Even though we would have enjoyed having people bring food and visit, it wasn't difficult for us to handle two kids, and we often had dinner in the works by the time someone offered to bring us something.

Getting so much from other people took its toll on me. I am terrible at asking for help, and being useless and needy made me feel bad, and made me think that people thought that I couldn't take care of myself in general, even outside of hospital life. I felt guilty accepting more help. How could I rightfully expect my busy friends to make dinner for me when I was able to successfully assemble a slow cooker meal with one arm and hold a baby in the other? It made it hard for a meal train to get through because of that guilt, but a couple friends managed to overrule me. And it was still appreciated (I will always accept pizza and watermelon, by the way).

Lastly, my stay at home after my son was born was brief, with a sad trombone sound following my reply whenever anyone asked me when I had to return to work. I like my job (and appreciate all the benefits that I had available, though I now have stronger opinions about maternity care in America than I did before). Before bed rest, I planned a 12-week stay at home with my new baby, and I ended up with seven. It was hard to think about going back to work because he needed round-the-clock care (though, my husband covered more of the baby care than I did. I had closets to declutter and papers to organize). Plus how could I be around all those people when I couldn't hold coherent conversations that weren't about nursing, pumping, or SpongeBob SquarePants (my daughter's new favorite)? I assumed I would cry all the time or just stare blankly at coworkers while I tried to remember how to use words correctly.

When I got back to work, I was on time and dry-eyed. My husband is doing the stay-at-home-parent thing for a while, which also helped me deal with leaving home because we didn't need to hand our teeny guy over to a stranger. Being back at work made me feel more normal than I had since before I was in the hospital. It officially marked my hospital and childbirth recovery as over.

I have many reminders of the casual aspects of hospital life. I crave the turkey burgers that I could order from the hospital cafeteria. I remember on Monday evenings that there is a Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives marathon on although we don't have cable, (I was able to stay true to my birth plan and watch it while I was in labor). When I drive past the hospital on the way home from my daughter's school, I try to spot the red-tailed hawks that were often around the grounds and would fascinate my husband and me in the courtyard. I saw one sitting on the cross on top of the hospital.

Plus I think about the nurses. I really liked them, and all the doctors and staff that I saw daily. My daughter talks about the nurses a lot, and she and I have visited them already. If you ever find yourself in risk of pre-term labor and need to be in a hospital, direct yourself to St. Mary's Hospital. Tell them Kelly sent you. They'll know who you're talking about.

Though I related to Orange is the New Black more when I watched it while in the hospital than when I started it at home. ↩
I use "bed rest" because "hospital arrest" isn't a medical precaution. I could and did get out of bed after two weeks of being there. I couldn't leave the unit unsupervised and was not able to be alone with my daughter. I was there because a number of high-risk scenarios that could occur due to a condition called PPROM. I did not make enough jokes about prom while I was there. ↩
He picked up fried chicken from Lee's, which we also had the day we brought our firstborn home. The woman who took his order noticed his wristband from the NICU and gave him double our order for free. This is the biggest incentive for having more children so far. ↩

Make the Worlds a better race for out-of-towners

Kelly Gerow — Wed, 27 May 2015 16:00:35 +0000

Let's say a person planning to visit Richmond for the UCI Road World Championships, coming September 19-27¹ only knows that Richmond is about two hours away from Washington, DC. That person might do some research about Richmond, but that person (who we'll call a dude) may also just plan the trip around the race and get the other details as he goes.

When he gets here, who will let him know where to go, where to eat, or what to drink? The city and UCI event organizers are in charge of making sure that the event goes as planned for the participants, but it's the community who will make the difference between an out-of-town visitor seeing a local attraction and getting a meal nearby or retreating back to eat dinner from a Candlewood Suites vending machine and calling it a night.

Part of the official plan for the city's Worlds preparation is to "enhance the visitor experience and encourage resident participation"(PDF). Residents becoming tour guides and advocates for the city will help with that.

Tamera Harris, Manager of Events and Sponsorships with Richmond Region Tourism, said that to help get ready for the Worlds, RRT's I Am Tourism Ambassador Program is now offered monthly instead of quarterly. The free class was originally offered to front-line staff (such as hotels and convention services), though "because of the demand and need," said Harris, "everyone is really an ambassador." The class covers the importance of tourism in and around Richmond.

"I look at them as mini-concierges." -- Tamera Harris, Richmond Region Tourism

Typically, class participants work for local businesses, banks, hotels, hair salons, supermarkets, or are board members, jurisdictional members, or real estate representatives. Regular old individuals are encouraged to sign up, too.

"We do a wonderful overview of the top attractions of the region and those that are off the grid," said Harris. The overview includes Henrico, Richmond, Chesterfield, Hanover, and New Kent," (all likely lodging options for Worlds visitors).

After this overview, the class then takes a one-and-a-half-hour bus tour, which travels to historical highlights including the James River, downtown locations, and the State Capitol. Those who complete the course are then placed on a mailing list to be alerted of events that require tourism ambassadors or other related networking events and mixers.

The goal of the program is to have "well-educated volunteers out on the street talking about the region," said Harris. Once the volunteer understands more of a visitor's perspective of the city, he or she is better able to talk about where to go and how to speak to all that's involved in visiting the city and the surrounding area. "I look at them as mini-concierges."

"For the past few months we've had an influx of volunteers interested in working with UCI," Harris said, though the tourism ambassador training is separate from volunteer signup for the Worlds, and those who sign up to volunteer through the Richmond 2015 website choose from different opportunities that don't require any regional knowledge.

Lee Kallman, VP of Marketing and Business Development with Richmond 2015, which manages the Worlds, said that the volunteer signup has been huge, with almost 2,700 individuals.

Director of Communications and Digital Marketing with Richmond 2015, Paul Shanks adds that "The lion's share of those folks are local, but we have folks from more than 40 different countries who have signed up," making it more of a global experience.

In addition to ambassadors (who are recommended but not required to have taken the tourism ambassador course, but need to have knowledge about the region), volunteers are also needed on the courses to ensure public and participant safety, to help with translation services, transportation, and working in the fan areas. A full list of volunteer categories, including duties and requirements, can be found here.

Volunteers know that signing up is one way to get up front during the race. Mary Barnett, a Richmonder who has volunteered at local events including Dominion Riverrock, Richmond Folk Festival, and the Anthem Richmond Marathon, has signed up as a volunteer during the Worlds.

As for why she volunteers, Barnett said via email, "I love knowing I can help support these amazingly cool events that happen around here. Of course it's fun being up close in front of the action when that's the kind of duty I draw."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PA4eRuv5mk

The Worlds' volunteer slots have yet to be determined, and Barnett has requested to be on the course (she has previously done course marshaling for both runners and cyclists). To be on the course, "You have to be at least a little bit loud and brash to do a good job of that. The racers in particular aren't focused on anything but the track in front of them, and it helps if you have the ability to spend three or four hours standing in the sun (or rain) while the race is happening," Barnett said. However, she said she's up for whatever she's assigned.

"I'll happily do anything to be a part of such a big deal and to show off my wonderful city," she said.

Harris said that research has shown that most people visit Richmond because of friends and family. Someone coming to Richmond blindly will learn little about how to spend downtime from Richmond 2015's About Richmond site page, which is the opposite of what most Richmonders would tell a friend about the city - the accolades for RVA are mostly older business-related items and geography related (such as, "A top 10 city for finding a job in 2009").

"As we move into event mode, people will want more details about how to plan their trip," Kallman said. The site will shift focus to more tourism-related information.

In addition to getting ambassadors on the ground during the event, Richmond is working with local business through Société 2015, a local business engagement program. More than 800 businesses have signed up for it already.

Kallman describes Société 2015 as "A way for businesses to be on the inside...to have the latest information." There have been a series of events specifically for Société 2015 members, and the next one will focus on how to navigate during the Worlds so that businesses can start planning how to be involved.

""It's all about showcasing Richmond to the world." -- Lee Kallman, Richmond 2015

The plan is to "push visitors to find businesses, coffee shops, and bars that are bike-friendly," Kallman said. "A big part of this initiative is about showcasing the region, and local businesses are certainly part of that."

Harris said that, although each ambassador is given a visitor's guide of top places, they aren't required to recommend a specific place. Recommendations are mostly anecdotal based on the ambassador and the visitor's needs and location.

"We're hoping that the ambassadors will be working at the informational kiosks that will be at the fan and pep rally areas," Harris said. Because a lot of the lodging needs will be met by the surrounding areas and not just Richmond, it's important that there is regional representation to assist with visitors. "We hope that our jurisdictional partners will come in to town to volunteer and take the class . . . and get out and talk about the great places to go."

Read the online comments to any local news article about the Worlds, and the typical responses are about the cost and inconvenience to those who live and work in Richmond, as well as a disbelief that the event can be pulled off (and the occasional pro-cycling citizen who looks forward to the event). Will the public perception of the event transform before September? One way to help it shift is to stop thinking about the Worlds as a bike race for people who like bike races, and instead see it as a city-wide celebration.

"The event is nine days long. Whether you're a cycling fan or not, there's a unique aspect to this event," Kallman said. "It's all about showcasing Richmond to the world."

He adds, "There's something for everybody here. We want everyone to embrace it, and part of that is keeping informed as we have details available."

One of the events already scheduled that encourages public participation is Conquer the Cobbles, presented by Richmond 2015 and Sports Backers, which gives both runners (September 24th) and cyclists (September 25th) a chance to race on the Road Circuit Course.

"It's going to be a really unique experience," Shanks said about Conquer the Cobbles.

Richmond 2015 and Richmond Region Tourism have been working together since the planning for the race began on the travel program, overall promotion, and using the Worlds as an example of the active outdoor lifestyle in Richmond.

Said Kallman, "Ultimately, the success of this event is going to be because the community came together and made it happen."

Those interested in signing up for the tourism ambassador classes can register online for June 3rd and July 21st classes (August 27th and September 10th classes will also be available, but not open for registration at this time). Registration is still open for volunteer opportunities for the Worlds.

The championship race is officially known as the Worlds, though we call it The Big Bike Race™ because it's funny to say out loud. Just don't call it the UCI race. As Paul Shanks with the Richmond 2015 team explains, the Worlds is to the UCI like the Super Bowl is to the NFL. ↩

Enjoying our Big Bike Race™ coverage? Pointedly NOT enjoying it? RVANews Live (June 4th, 5:30 PM, Visual Arts Center) has a place for you, no matter what your mindset! One of our panels will focus entirely on the race and will feature representatives from Richmond 2015, the Mayor's office, Sports Backers, and Venture Richmond. Come ask questions, make statements, listen intently, or doze off, we don't care! Actually, we do. Don't doze off. Rude. Tickets are $15, include a drink ticket, and are on sale currently.

Finding space for spectators: Where will all the UCI Road World Championship fans go?

Kelly Gerow — Thu, 14 May 2015 19:15:04 +0000

Update #1 -- May 14, 2015; 3:14 PM

Regarding numbers

There's a lot of confusion over the number that UCI has published, and the one we refer to below. They do not expect 450,000 individual, unique, flesh-and-blood iterations of human beings to descend upon our city. That number refers to "on-site spectators"--meaning that if you attend for four days, you will be counted four times. It also includes Richmonders.

After speaking with Richmond Region Tourism, we learned that there is no hard and fast number of expected human beings. As a rule, they don't project those numbers so as not to promise/warn about a number that may or may not be accurate.

What does this mean? Well, it means that we don't have to find hotel space for a half million people, which is great, but it also means that we don't actually know how many people are coming. Safely, we can estimate that it'll be less than 450,000, we'd say.

Clear as mud? We're going to do some more research and get back to you later with a follow-up about these numbers and what they mean for us.

Regarding the legality of renting your home out

We got a comment from the reader about his tale of zoning woes--in that he was contacted to remove his Airbnb listing because it was not in compliance with zoning rules. City of Richmond Ordinances, Ordinance 114-1220 states:

Dwelling unit means a room or group of rooms within a building constituting a separate and independent unit occupied or intended for occupancy by one family and containing one kitchen and provisions for living, sleeping, eating and sanitation, all of which are generally accessible to all occupants of the unit, and which is not available for occupancy for periods of less than one month.

After talking to Zoning, we can clarify the non-specific regulations we referred to below. The above rule stands, but they are working with City Council to try and make that more extensive and inclusive, now that things like Airbnb exist. So yes, they do have specific regulations, but those are currently being researched and are subject to change.

— ∮∮∮ —

Original -- May 12, 2015

The UCI Road World Championships (also known as the Worlds) (or, in our office, the Big Bike Race™, bonus points if you say "TM" out loud) will take over most of Richmond in September, and organizers speculate that up to 450,000--more than twice the city's population--will be flocking to Richmond at some point during the nine-day event. Back in 2011, Richmond snagged the honor of hosting the 2015 cycling competition, and preparations are still being made for the arrival of the athletes, media, and fans. That they're coming is certain. Where we're going to put them is not.

"It's going to be like the Easter Parade or [Monument Ave] 10k for twelve days."

"It's going to be like the Easter Parade or [Monument Ave] 10k for twelve days," says Lacy Williams, an associate broker with Joyner Fine Properties, who is working with locals to rent their homes to visitors during the Worlds.

Williams says she wants to see Richmond get the economic benefit of the event. One way to do this is to make room for more spectators to stay in Richmond. If someone spends the night in Fredericksburg and drives to the race, for instance, Fredericksburg is going to get the bulk of that person's money.

Since there hasn't been an event of this size in Richmond before, Williams and her partner studied how other cities handled rentals (for example, Augusta, Georgia, which hosts the Masters golf tournament). The properties up for rent are mostly in the Fan district or Downtown. To be considered convenient to the Worlds, Williams says, the home needs to be either within walking distance to the race course or close to a bus line.

There are more than 60 hotels that are offering special rates during the race. Only a handful of these are located within city limits--and Downtown hotels including the Holiday Inn Express, Hilton Garden Inn, and the Courtyard Richmond Downtown are booked--while others are as far away as Doswell. The Richmond 2015 Travel Office is still working on a complete transportation plan to include shuttle services to the events.¹

In a briefing (PDF) last month, Mayor Dwight C. Jones and other city officials outlined the progress of preparations for the Worlds, including beautification and emergency preparedness. The bulk of the focus is on sidewalks and roads, but something that could also help the 400,000 visitors--informational and directional signs for city landmarks--will only be 60% completed.

A recent search of Airbnb in Richmond for "bike race" and "UCI" shows listings from $70 for a room to a house for $2000 a night.

While a new visitor center has opened inside the Bass Pro Shops off I-95 in Ashland, the planned visitor center located at the Robinson House next to the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts will not open before the Worlds as planned, according to the Communications office at VMFA. Richmond Region Tourism will be training ambassadors to assist with tourist information.

The use of peer-to-peer rentals or home shares could keep a tourist within city limits. A recent search of Airbnb in Richmond for "bike race" and "UCI" shows listings from $70 for a room to a house for $2000 a night (which accommodates up to eight people). Some rooms available to rent through Airbnb come with a tour guide, since the main occupant will be at home. Richmond doesn't have specific regulations for an individual who rents a home or room to another person. Style Weekly reported that City Council is looking into charging a tax-- similar to a hotel tax--for city residents who use Airbnb.

Even after taxes or fees associated with renting, swapping your place in the city with a Worlds spectator could have mutual benefits. The city gets a new visitor and the additional expenses that person has, the visitor is close to the course, and, Williams says, "If you get a good price on your house, you can go on a vacation" and get out of the city to avoid the inconveniences of the race.

If you don't need the money, but have the space and want to take in some foreign cyclists, Richmond Athlete Hospitality needs locals to host the nearly 200 athletes who don't have official sponsorship and have to pay out-of-pocket to compete. Volunteers can also sign up to help these athletes with transportation, local assistance, and funds (otherwise an event participant could end up at a motel in Stafford, need to find a ride to the Bass Pro Shop in Ashland to learn how to navigate Richmond, get lost by the lack of signs, and then can't find a place to park).

Details remain to be worked out, and the roads used for races aren't scheduled to be ready until less than a month before the event begins. With an anticipated 300 million television viewers, the world will be watching Richmond. Viewers at home may have an easier time finding it.

Other hotels close to the course, including the Omni and Crowne Plaza, are part of fan packages. Flight Centre Active Travel has a four-night package at the Omni plus a behind-the-scenes look at the race for $799 for two people (meaning, two people have to pay $799). Other packages available include hotels, the tour, and a chance to cycle on the race track at Richmond International Raceway, which starts at $1025 each for two people. ↩

Raising Richmond: Consider it raised

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 05 May 2015 16:00:07 +0000

This is Kelly's last Raising Richmond column, y'all. She's about to have this babe (fingers crossed everything goes well), and will be writing some other types of things for us instead. Give Kelly some slow claps for her year-plus of hard work! Next week, Raising Richmond will continue with Sam Davies and Hayley DeRoche as alternating authors! Hooray!

I took over writing Raising Richmond in January 2014 with some confessions about things my husband and I weren't doing right with our three-year-old daughter. We let her watch TV every day, had given up on vegetables, and hadn't signed her up for fencing lessons.

Now she's four and a half, has nearly finished her first year of preschool, during which she's learned and accomplished more than I thought someone her age could, and is about to be a big sister. I've been living in a hospital room that looks like a Microtel for the past 30 days waiting for my second child to be born. Since I've had the time, I've read pregnancy and baby magazines, finally flipped through a copy of What To Expect When You're Expecting, and read Bringing Up Bebe. I've thought about what to do differently with our second child, and here it is: I don't know how we went off track with feeding our daughter what we eat for dinner, but I'm going to stick to only giving the new baby what we're having. The new baby will eat spaghetti.

Otherwise, I don't think we can plan to do anything different.

The parenting part of raising a second child isn't as intimidating this time. As parents, my husband and I have set boundaries, have been mostly consistent, and we tend to not get upset too easily about anything (I hope). We figured out early that rough times (the ones that don't require medical attention) eventually pass. Our daughter isn't perfectly behaved and we aren't perfect parents, but that's not the point. She will surely have complaints about us, and I accept that,¹ but she has support and security. Everything else she can use as fodder in her own columns when she's of age.

I already understand why parents don't document their subsequent kids as much as their firsts. I couldn't tell you what size vegetable my unborn child is this week, whereas I probably posted it on Facebook every week with my daughter. Prior to being on bed rest, my weekly BabyCenter emails only reminded me "Hey, this is happening," because otherwise the topics of "Talk to your partner about eating kale" or "Plan a babymoon" mean nothing when you already have a child.²

Even though our new baby has thrown life out of whack for now, once it's home, there isn't much flexibility for our life to change too much. We adapted our routine to our first child, but now the second one will fit in to what's already set up.

I do think that a second child will be a new experience, though. I remember my uncle telling me that his second child was so different from their easygoing first that it was like they hadn't learned anything about being parents. I recently told him and my aunt that I thought about that line a lot, and I was bracing myself for the second one to be more difficult than our daughter was. My aunt responded that when you face emergencies you don't really think about it, you just deal with it. That's good to remember.

While I have anxiety for when the second baby comes, I can't worry too much. Worrying about things that haven't happened isn't the same as being prepared. You can only deal with what's in front of you and just be aware of possibilities and options. It's better to focus on the good things that could happen. For me, I think about being discharged from the hospital and an end-of-summer visit to the beach with a hopefully healthy newborn.

My daughter has been a source of comfort and a welcome distraction during the pregnancy. In preparing her to be a big sister, my husband and I have talked about what to expect with the baby, and also what things were like when she was a baby. She loves stories about herself, and I've had fun reading through old blog posts and going through photos from the first months of her life.

When we told her that she was going to be a big sister, she laughed at us. I was in my second trimester by then, but not showing yet. My husband contacted her school the next day to let them know our news because she has faked siblings before. She was excited. I have an illustrated handout of how the baby grows month-by-month, and she would look at the different gestation phases while eating. She has plans for how she can help the baby, from holding it up to the sink so he/she can brush teeth and dressing him/her every day. We took her to an older sibling class where she learned how to swaddle, feed, diaper, and hold a baby, in addition to some basic rules like "don't actually try to do any of those things."³

She's even suggested some great baby names: Baby Jesus Nichole, Jesus, Cinderella, Lily, Rubella, Heaven, and Ninja Turtle. We have called the unborn baby both "Newbie" and "Nacho," and sometimes she just calls it "my baby."

My maternity leave⁴ with my daughter was a frazzled, sometimes bleak but increasingly more joyful ten weeks. One evening I set up an activity mat with dangling toys on my bed. She was dressed in tiny jeans with an elastic waistband and white socks instead of just a onesie. I pretended that she was getting something out of the experience, though she couldn't see far enough to note the plastic fish in the rattling ball. I only wanted to feel like I had an engaged baby and not what an infant is--a human tadpole in tiny jeans. Sometimes I wonder what happened to that clear blue-eyed pud whose face I would accidentally leave burp cloths on when I put her down after a feeding, and then I remember that I still have her. I disassociate that baby with my daughter, who is definitely engaged and quickly grew a personality, and eventually played with the activity mat.

I would normally be worried (but I don't do that anymore, remember?) that it will be strange being home again, but we'll adjust to the changes together as we have been. It has to be tiresome for her and my husband to make it to the hospital up to twice a day, but they keep at it. She's charmed the nurses. They let her take my temperature and blood pressure. She knows the key code to get into the unit's kitchenette. I'm homesick, but she and my husband are what are making this stay bearable. That they have set up a home in a hospital room, barely spending any quality time at our house, means a lot. There has still been room for watching TV, playing games, eating dinner, reading books, fussing and getting fussed at, and being together long enough to forget that we're in a hospital.

When the new baby is home, I don't know how I will feel. I could be more together this time, or maybe adjusting to life with a preemie after weeks in a hospital will make the first weeks even harder. But I have a walking and talking reminder that we got through a newborn before and the results are an awesome kid and a close family. I know we'll have another good kid.

She doesn't get to name it, though.

Photo by: zanzibar

With one exception: A minor complaint I've heard from my friends is that they didn't like vegetables until they were adults because they weren't served fresh or well-cooked vegetables as kids. If she ever gives that as a reason for her childhood disinterest in vegetables, I will hunt her down. Her dad and I can cook a vegetable, and she's had access to the delicious, fresh produce. Clearly I haven't come to terms with her being a picky eater. ↩
I'm going to work on a second baby app that sends a weekly notification with the number of weeks pregnant and a monthly email with topics like, "How to finally convince your child to stop bumping into your stomach when you read books at bedtime," and "Just don't eat, like, the entire bag of Goldfish. Have some protein today." ↩
This class also was a refresher for me. I was the worst at swaddling. And I also forgot how to burp a baby. ↩
I use this phrase because it's shorter than explaining whatever combination of benefits I can scrape together to stay home. Maternity leave does not exist. ↩

Raising Richmond: Day trip!

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 28 Apr 2015 20:00:55 +0000

When I saw this list of places to visit in Virginia, my first reaction was "Virginia, I do not know you at all." I hadn't heard of most of the attractions (including Kiptopeke Concrete Ships), or half of the locations (There's a Duffield, Virginia?). One of the things I love about this state is that there are hundreds of places to explore. There are many touristy things in Richmond I still haven't done. Virginia has unlimited potential for day trips and long weekends.¹ Here is a limited list of those unlimited places that you can visit in a day.

Meadow Farm Museum (Henrico)

I'm a big fan of the Frontier Culture Museum in Staunton (which is day trip-able, but more than two hours away), but I wasn't aware of the Meadow Farm Museum less than 30 minutes away in Henrico until my daughter had a (cancelled) field trip scheduled there. Meadow Farm is a living history museum that recreates southern farm life in 1860, though I'm sure that the playgrounds are up to modern-day code. Meadow Farm also has barn animals, a fishing pond, and good ol' learning about life back in the 1800's with a farmhouse, doctor's office, barn, and blacksmith forge.

I'm Internet-stalking Henrico's Parks and Recreation site. The historical sites and parks seem like a great way to pack a day. I'm not saying that I love Richmond any less, but I now recognize that Henrico is a fully formed place to live and visit. I retract all previous statements.

Montpelier, Home of James and Dolley Madison (Orange)

The home of Dolley Madison--America's first First Lady--and that guy she married, James "Little Jimmy" Madison, has gone through renovations in the years since I've been there, but I assume that the house tour is still interesting and that the grounds are still perfect for walks, hikes, and picnics, or whatever it is kids do. What sets this apart from your regular presidential home is the old growth forest on the property, which means that nothing has been done to alter it (no fires, cutting, planting, or building of weird fairy gardens). Your junior birdwatchers have plenty to find in the biodiverse woods. Montpelier, located about 90 minutes away in Orange, also has exhibits about the Madisons, the Constitution, and the generations of enslaved people who lived, worked, and died on the plantation.

If you're into presidential homes and other historical sites but think your kid(s) would be bored, while that might be true, give them a chance--the kids and history. My parents took us to sites like this all the time when we were young, and maybe that's why I've always liked historical places with rock candy and copies of famous documents in gift shops. But if it sounds like someplace you don't want to go, regardless of how your kids feel, then don't bother. You're the one driving.

Virginia State Parks

Richmond has lovely parks for romping, hiking, and biking, but when it gets hot outside it's also nice to be someplace where swimming is an option, too. I know, we can swim in the James River, but Bear Creek Lake in Cumberland and Lake Anna State Park in Spotsylvania both have designated swimming areas with places to change and shower and fewer beer cans to step over. Both are about an hour outside of town. Of the two, I've only been to Bear Creek Lake. It's a nice, scenic place for an afternoon of swimming and other outdoor activities like trail hiking and fishing, and also has a playground. Bear Creek has both camping and cabin rentals. Lake Anna offers all the same, but has multi-use trails (for biking and horseback riding).

While looking up more information on state parks, I found a listing for Kiptopeke State Park. And in further research,² I learned from my sister that Kiptopeke State Park is a great place to stay, and she has kayaked around the previously mentioned concrete ships. My life has come full circle! State parks are the best!

Carter Mountain Orchard (Charlottesville)

Every fall I get a hankering for the barbecue sandwich at Carter Mountain Orchard, the sauce on which is made with the orchard's apple cider. Then I want the donuts. And the apple cider slushies. And the apples, I guess. But then I think about how crazy crowded it gets on the mountain with apple and pumpkin picking, and I file that visit away for next year. One of the less-hectic trips I've had there was on a rainy weekday, so even though we couldn't pick apples, we still had a nice lunch at Michie Tavern, spent some time looking at home goods in the market, and still had a selection of already-picked fruit (and donuts).

When the fruit season really gets going at Carter Mountain Orchard, it's for peach-picking in late June (but check the website to be sure they're ready). I can't say if you're less likely to get elbowed off the mountain from hordes of people in the spring and summer, but I haven't noticed Instagram photos of preschoolers picking rotting peaches off the ground, only apples later in the year. Plus, is there anything better than a local, fresh peach? Other than all the unnaturally sugary foods you can buy at the orchard? Even if the trees are fruitless, I don't imagine that one could visit the orchard, take in the view from the top of the mountain and think "This was a waste of time."

Go Ape Treetop Adventure Course (Williamsburg)

I love Colonial Williamsburg as much as the next person, but if I never go there again that's completely fine. I know, "The Cheese Shop is there," but maybe I'm not as into the Cheese Shop as everyone else. Hey, it turns out I don't love Colonial Williamsburg. Oh well.

There are plenty of other ways to spend quality time in the Williamsburg area, like going to the Jamestown Settlement or the Jamestown_e_ Settlement. Or, let's put historical entertainment on the back-burner right now and zip-line through lots of trees at the Go Ape Treetop Adventure Course in Freedom Park. Reading about it makes me want to barf, but if you're into climbing and flying around, this is a great place to check out.

Children as young as 10 are able to use the main course, which--according to the website--"allows participants to explore the park from an otherwise unobtainable vantage point while navigating through the treetops using zip lines, obstacles and Tarzan swings." Don't worry--training is required before you or your loved ones can be flung into a tree. For your little apes, a less intense zip line course is available. It's designed for kids as young as three, but the only requirement is that the child is at least 39 inches tall. There are a lot of guidelines to follow, so check out the FAQ before booking. Currently it's only open on weekends, but will be open daily in June through August. Reservations can be made online, and it sounds like it books up quickly.

Photo by: vastateparksstaff

I'd love to spend more time traveling around southwest Virginia. My parents live in Waynesboro, and all the day trips I've taken from there (Natural Bridge, the Natural Bridge Zoo, where I was chase by a llama, The Cheese Shop in Stuart's Draft--no relation to the Williamsburg Cheese Shop--and Staunton) have been fun, and I've enjoyed previous visits to Roanoke and a drive from Richmond to Tennessee. It's hard to think of Richmond being part of "the South," when this region of Virginia is clearly where the South starts. ↩
I consider texting my sister "research." ↩

Raising Richmond: Pregnant pause

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 21 Apr 2015 13:00:48 +0000

My second pregnancy has been different from my first in almost every way. When I was pregnant with my daughter, we told family at 10 weeks, and then the news made it around way earlier than we wanted. This time, I told only my sister at 10 weeks and we told friends if we saw them. We told the rest of our families at 16 weeks. I waited a while to tell people at work, other than my manager. I wasn't planning to write about it publicly until just before I was due.

I kept the baby news close the second time for many reasons. I have hang-ups about privacy issues and how easily any information about our daughter has been shared online with people I don't know. ¹ The longer we could keep this new one between us, the better I felt. It was our news, not anyone else's. I wasn't ready for all the follow up questions from grandparents and for them to start planning things. Truthfully, I wasn't that excited, either. We had wanted another child, and I was looking forward to it being here, but being pregnant definitely was on the backburner with other life things happening. There were too many variables to make planning possible, but I knew that the baby would be home eventually and we could get the next part of our lives in motion once he/she arrived.

Like most expectant parents, I also didn't want to share the news because I then didn't want to have to report back any complications or bad news to anyone casually interested. My daughter's pregnancy was healthy and I had her at 38 weeks. I had a wave of complications after her birth, and discovered later that it was remarkable that she made it to term, giving me more to worry about the second time.

When I found out I was pregnant again last November, I chose a different hospital--another major difference between the first and second pregnancies. My first ultrasound with the baby wasn't until 20 weeks. I was OK with that at first, but about a month before it was scheduled I grew worried that something was wrong or that I had more than one in there. No one else was concerned and the midwives made me think it was normal to wait so long for an ultrasound. Then I learned--yet another difference between pregnancies I--had to pay for a chunk of the ultrasound costs out-of-pocket. I felt more at peace with the decision to only have one ultrasound after that.

The ultrasound revealed a healthy, single baby (we still don't know what we're having), and a short cervix. Well, not short--certainly not short considering my first baby went to term. But short enough to cause alarm and follow-up visits and medication and added worry and stress on me, although all the research said I wasn't at-risk for pre-term labor. But I am? Science is the worst sometimes.

Also, I'm 35. That's the magic age for being "at risk" in general during pregnancy. A woman who is 35 is basically a crumbling structure who shouldn't house babies, according to medicine.² Any older moms know the stress that comes with being made to think you will deliver a squid baby at 25 weeks for no other reason than your age. The good thing is that being accused of being at risk, yet feeling physically fine and being very healthy otherwise, made me feel more of a bond with the unborn babe than I had before. We were both being told trouble could be coming, but all either of us could do was stay calm and occasionally roll around.

I had a positive midwife experience the first time. I want to treat pregnancy as a thing my body was born to do. It was empowering, and I'm grateful that I was able to have it work for me at least once. I want to be an example of how pregnancies don't mean that a woman is disabled or weak. I can take the stairs! I walk all day! I ran a half marathon the weekend after I found out I was pregnant! I need to stay strong and fit for labor. Obviously I'm more limited, but it's my call to say what I can and can't do. To paraphrase a quote that was in the midwives' office, "The secret isn't that childbirth is painful; it's that women are strong." That makes me well up when I think about it. So true!³ Despite all that good intention, I'm having the opposite experience I had the first time.

Another difference between pregnancies is that my water didn't break with my daughter. I went to the hospital dilated to seven centimeters after laboring at home for 10 hours, and my water was broken there. My water ruptured at home at 25 weeks with baby #2. I didn't know what happened, but I knew it wasn't normal. I tend to ignore most discomforts, but the pre-term alarms were ringing. It was 10:30 PM, and when the midwife called me back 90 minutes later and told me I could probably wait to come in the next day, I was over the laidback midwifery and told her I wanted to come in anyway.

As I'm writing this I'm on my 18th day of bedrest at a hospital. I didn't go into labor that night. My water ruptured but the baby is hanging in there and is healthy, and I feel well. The night I went to the hospital where I was planning to deliver, I was rolled into a second hospital with a better NICU at 4:00 AM and was already told that if I didn't have the baby that night I could be in the hospital waiting for up to two more months. A nurse gave me the best advice about facing bedrest for that long: "Just don't think too far ahead."

I'm at risk for a couple of situations that could be dangerous to the baby, and if those happen, the baby has to be delivered immediately (which is why I'm at a hospital and not at home). At least those risks are unrelated to being 35. I could go into labor any day or I could be here until June. I will go home before the baby does.

I had the intentions for a July birth, a summer maternity leave catching up on The Mindy Project and doing adorable loads of laundry, and eating lots of watermelon while holding my newborn baby outside. All those plans have changed and I don't know what the summer will look like. Now that one of the things you don't want to happen has happened, I don't mind the bad news being shared, especially since the bad news could be so much worse. Ours has been the best-case scenario for a complicated pregnancy, but we're still bracing ourselves.

There's a chance things could be perfectly fine. There's a chance that the baby will have major developmental and health issues. There's a chance it won't make it out of the hospital. Every day I can go without having the baby makes it stronger. Even the days from when my water first ruptured to today have made a significant difference in the baby's development.

Instead of worrying about if I will have time at home with my baby before I have to go back to work, what happens to my job after FMLA runs out, how my husband and daughter are doing without me, and trying not to be too homesick and anxious, I focus on staying pregnant through the day, because that's the best thing for this baby. Now every morning when I wake up, when I didn't want to tell anyone the news before, I gladly share with a few people, "I'm pregnant."

You guys don't count. ↩
My friend Jess wrote about flack she got for having a baby in her late 30s. Most of my peers didn't start having children until they were past 30, but apparently some people take issue with the idea. ↩
Any way you give birth is the best way. But I have a lot of stuff happening right now and don't have time to be inclusive and pay tribute to all pregnancy choices. ↩

Raising Richmond: Earth Day at home

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 14 Apr 2015 16:00:29 +0000

Having a child is probably the worst thing you can do to the planet. Even if you live as environmentally consciously as possible, the amount of resources a single person uses is overwhelming: water, diapers, Amazon shipping and packaging, all the Styrofoam balls needed for school projects, millions of baby wipes. Plus, if you made a new child when there are perfectly good already-made children waiting to be adopted, that is a huge conservation fail.

I try to offset the negative impact we make on the environment where I can. I'm not at all as environmentally-friendly as I could be, but I'm a big recycler and try to reduce waste. While I'm not getting solar paneling installed anytime soon, I do try to live smartly and pass on those values. Two ways we try to conserve have been through cloth diapering and composting (separate activities, by the way). Here's how those have worked for us.

Cloth diapers

We didn't have to get talked into cloth diapering with our daughter; I was on board with it in the planning stages. She was born in 2010, so that was well past the "going green" heyday of the early aughts.¹ Cloth diapers were accessible and practical back then, and the technology around them has only improved.

Cloth diapers are an investment up front, which makes them a perfect registry gift. We went with bumGenius 4.0 One-size (avoid the Velcro ones if you find them), and for her diaper years my daughter was primarily in cloth diapers. She wasn't big enough to wear them until about eight weeks, though cloth dipes do come in newborn sizes. Overall, we had a good experience with cloth diapers and will definitely use them again. We can actually use the same ones again.

We only used cloth diapers when our house was home base. We put her in disposables when we travelled, though I'd sometimes bring cloth diapers for a day trip or overnight stay. She also used disposables for most of daycare. Her sitter was into the idea of cloth diapering at first, but she didn't really use them except to have her loosely bound in one when we picked her up.

Cloth diaper maintenance doesn't take a lot of active time. The diapers were easily put together in about ten minutes when washing all of them. And when my daughter was a baby I felt like I was doing laundry at all times anyway, so a load of diapers every second or third day wasn't very taxing.

Once you pay out for them up front, other than the occasional replacement (we bought at least 16, with 12 up front, and the rest later since some kept getting lost at the sitter's), they're more affordable than disposable. They pay for themselves quickly. The ones we used also function the same as disposables. You discard the used one and grab a new one like you would a disposable. We kept a large, washable wet bag in a heavy-lidded small trash can to store soiled diapers in the baby's room, and never had an odor issue.

Plus, cloth diapers are cuter. My daughter and my nephew--who used the same brand when he came along later--would often hang out in a diaper instead of pants. They're more aesthetically pleasing than disposables and look like a normal part of a baby outfit.

There are environmental reasons, too. I hated the idea of my daughter's diapers taking up that much space in landfills if they didn't need to. Sure, washing diapers uses water and energy, but she is going to generate so much garbage in her lifetime, I just wanted to lessen that impact a little.

The diapers did have some leaking issues, which I don't want to blame on the diaper as much as I'm willing to consider that we didn't take as good care of them or didn't always follow the recommend care procedures. We had leak issues with disposables, too. There is a strong online community for cloth diaper users, though, which were a great go-to to troubleshoot any leaking and other problems.

Cloth diapers are easy and better looking and more cost-effective than disposables. A lot of child care providers won't use them, and that's a huge deterrent, but even when our child was only in them half the time, we were still getting our money's worth. The only other drawback was how bulky they were in a diaper bag, but I'd prefer that bother any day to having to buy diapers continuously.
Along with our diapers, we ordered a diaper sprayer that attached to the toilet to clean off solid waste, and three wet bags to hold soiled diapers (the wet bags have been useful post-diaper for pool time and potential outfit changes due to other accidents).

Franklin Goose in Carytown offers classes on cloth diapering on the second Wednesday of each month, and also sells new and used diapers--which sounds stranger than it is. Used ones still look new where it counts, and people like my sister have had luck with online purchases of gently used or secondhand diapers that were never used. Also, check out Cloth Diapers 101 from Parents Magazine, or just put out a call on Facebook and some cousin of your spouse will send you 20 articles about it to convince you.

Composting

I genuinely feel bad about how long it took me to get a proper compost bin. I made one a few years ago out of a Rubbermaid container, but I must not have made enough holes because despite turning often, it never decomposed. It's still in my backyard and I'm afraid to move it or open it. It will just have to pass on to the next owners of our house.

When I was a kid, we threw organic matter into a big, open-aired bin that my parents made, but the more I read about composting years later it seemed like it could only be done with giant, complicated set ups or fancy tumblers. I asked around online, and a few friends responded that methods as basic as throwing kitchen scraps in the backyard on a tarp and turning it often worked for them. Since I have a dog who has free rein of the backyard, that wasn't a good option (I'm sure she would love it, though).

Then my much handier-than-me sister gifted me a compost bin last September. She took a tall, outdoor trash can, drilled a lot of holes in it (one every inch), and secured the top with a bungee cord. I keep it propped up on two bricks in my backyard for draining, and after about six months I can tell that it's actually composting.
I keep my kitchen scraps (such as vegetable trimmings, egg shells, coffee grounds, small cardboard tubes) in an old plastic pitcher with a lid on the counter. I empty it when it's full--and it gets full quickly--and keep a small shovel by the bin to turn it around a bit since it's too heavy now for me to pick up and roll around like I used to. I'll add moisture to it if it hasn't rained lately. I suppose I take out the trash less now, but seeing the volume of compostable things that we build up has made me glad that we finally committed to composting. It'll only be enough to cover my small garden plot, but that's perfect--it wasn't meant as a money-saver, just an earth helper.

I'm hopeful that raising our daughter to think about the environment and to consider recycling and composting as primary methods of waste disposal will make a lasting impact. The goal is to raise a child who will school us about what eco-friendly measures we aren't taking around the house (like my sister and I did to our parents).² I fuss at her when she picks up trash outside so that she can throw it away, but we've promised her that we'll put on gloves one day and have a litter pick up since the amount of litter on our street upsets her, too. I guess another way I try to offset the harm that having a child does to the environment is to raise someone who wants the world to look better than how she found it.

It's the least I can do. Other than to stop ordering things with wasteful packaging online and having more kids.

Photo by: AmySelleck

I hate the marketing around "going green." Companies and people shouldn't be rewarded for doing something now that they always knew better about. ↩
I'm also going to teach her to ask her grandparents "Why don't you recycle? Haven't Baby Boomers done enough to ruin the world for their grandchildren?" That's not too precocious, is it? ↩

Raising Richmond: Seeing other cities

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 31 Mar 2015 16:00:51 +0000

As someone who has never lived anywhere else but the Richmond area (my three months in Farmville don't count), I love visiting other places and getting an idea of what it's like to live there. I especially like mid-size cities, much like ours. A place like New York City is too Big and Important, but a city like Pittsburgh is more my speed.

I knew nothing about Pittsburgh when my friend Nichole moved there to attend graduate school. My husband and I first visited her when I was pregnant in 2010, and we were immediately charmed by it. Nichole finished school and decided to stay put (or Stay Pitt--classic Pittsburgh pun that you can only appreciate if you've been there four times like I have, sorry!). We've been twice as a family to visit her and her adopted home, and then I took a trip there alone to visit her this month.¹

Here is why I've decided that Pittsburgh is the next destination for you and your family: Pittsburgh is not so far away that you can't drive there in a day, but it's far enough that it's only worth it if you have at least two days to spend there. Without traffic, the drive takes about six and a half hours with a few stops factored in.²

It's hard for me to not compare everything to Richmond, like "This is like their Carytown," or "This is their South Side." Like Richmond, Pittsburgh has a mix of history and contemporary charm that livens up the shut-down steel town look. It's easy enough to drive around, with many attractions within walking distance to each other. There are three rivers that flow through the city and under more than 400 bridges, which gives it one of its nicknames, The City of Bridges. Also Gene Kelly is from Pittsburgh. I should have led with that.

After four visits, there are still a number of things I want to do (like return to some museums and master the drive there by myself). Here are some highlights from my visits there, and I can't wait to see your Instagrams of your family enjoying these same activities.

— ∮∮∮ —

Pittsburgh Pirates

I hadn't been to a major league baseball game in at least 20 years when we saw a Pirates vs. Mets game at PNC Park in 2013. We had standing room tickets (meaning we stood where we could to watch the game), and I was chasing around an almost three-year-old at the time. In the times I could sit down for a minute to watch the game, I saw a couple of home runs and a between-inning pierogi race of people in pierogi suits running around the field. PNC Park is a beautiful stadium. It was a huge to-do to find parking on a Friday night and to walk to the stadium, but the walk to and from, crossing one of the rivers in the city, was really nice. Plus the food was a little bit better than what we're used to at the Diamond with its hot-yet-still frozen onion rings and Dippin' Dots.

— ∮∮∮ —

The Strip

The Strip district has year-round markets, and it's lined with stores (mostly a United Nations of food shops) and market stalls. It's a fun area to walk through, though it stands out to me because my daughter threw up sausage on the sidewalk in front of a Polish market, and I had to clean it up with tiny napkins. Fun times!

— ∮∮∮ —

The National Aviary

This mostly-indoor aviary has birds from all around the world, including a free-flight (loose birds!) tropical rainforest exhibit. Our visit there marked maybe the second time that our daughter has asked to have her photo taken, which was next to a giant fake penguin (the handful of times she's ever asked to have her photo taken have all involved mannequins or fake animals, most recently a stuffed bear).

— ∮∮∮ —

Cathedral of Learning

This was one of the first places we went during our first visit. It's a place of study for University of Pittsburgh students--a beautiful building with classrooms sponsored by (and decorated to represent) different countries. It's hard to believe that anyone can come in with a can of Sprite and bag of Hot Fries in a building where you expect to hear Gregorian chanting in the background. We went on a Saturday and had fun exploring the rooms that are left unlocked.

— ∮∮∮ —

Dinomite Days Dinosaurs

You know how some cities have fundraisers during which different artists paint theme-based sculptures to auction off? We have fish (meh). Pittsburgh has dinosaurs! They are placed throughout the city and include a George Washington triceratops (George Washasaurus), and a Fred Rogers T-Rex (Fredosaurus Rex Friday XIII, pictured above). Mr. Rogers was from Pittsburgh. I should have led with that.

— ∮∮∮ —

Dusquesne Incline

These cable cars go up and down an incline of 400 feet. We took a cable car trip down the hill at night and walked around a little before going back up. It was mildly exciting and offered a great view of the city.

— ∮∮∮ —

Carnegie Museums of Pittsburgh

Four museums are included in the Carnegie Museums of Pittsburgh: Carnegie Museum of Art, Carnegie Science Center, the Carnegie Museum of Natural History, and the Andy Warhol Museum (he was not a Carnegie). We went as a family to the Art and Natural History Museums, which are both in one building and both recommended visits, though they are not free.³ But you can get your dinosaur bones fix while the Natural History Museum in Washington, DC's dino exhibit is under construction.

— ∮∮∮ —

Andy Warhol Museum

On my solo trip, Nichole and I went to the Andy Warhol Museum (He's also from there. So is Michael Keaton, but there's no museum. Yet.). I didn't know much about Warhol, but now I know everything about him. I enjoyed the museum, especially a featured exhibit on the social activist/printmaker Sister Corita Kent. The only time I wished we were on a family trip was when we visited a room filled with silver pillow-shaped balloons floating around, assisted by fans. A baby girl was hitting all the balloons and screaming, much to everyone's delight. Get it, girl!

— ∮∮∮ —

Dining

The food we've had in Pittsburgh has been fine, but since our trips are both vacations and visits, about half of our meals there have been made by Nichole (who has zero Yelp reviews to link to). The food that I remember most is the breakfast buffet at a Holiday Inn Express that we stayed at once. To be able to have a full breakfast and sneak out a couple yogurts and pieces of fruit for the road was better than a great breakfast platter at a restaurant. Also, I'm really into the prepared omelets offered at HIE with the cheese-like substance sandwiched between the eggish material. And the biscuits at the buffet aren't bad. #pittsburghdine.

We went to Primanti Brothers, which I don't remember being that great, but it's nationally known and was recommended to us. We also had a good pierogi lunch on the Strip (despite above sickness). There's a large Polish community in Pittsburgh, which explains the pierogi souvenirs that abound.

Nichole and I went to Klavon's for ice cream. It's a pharmacy-turned-ice cream parlor that's worth finding. You can build your own sundae, or choose from many options. I had a peanut butter sundae with M&Ms and have been thinking about if it makes sense to drive up there again next weekend, eat a sundae, and drive back home. I think it does?

Also, I purchased milk from a local dairy farm called Turner's for my daughter on one of our visits, and it was the most delicious milk I've ever had.

— ∮∮∮ —

Shopping

We've been to Lawrenceville to do some shopping (vintage clothes, music stores, coffee shops), and I really like a store called Wild Card (gifts, stationary) where I got these pierogi-themed clothes for my part-Ukrainian offspring.

Pre-child, I visited Jerry's Records, a giant warehouse of vinyl where I bought a few records ("when I used to actively shop for music" and "motherhood" are the two phases of my adult life).

The Strip also has interesting food and tchotchke shopping.

— ∮∮∮ —

Kid stuff

Pittsburgh is Kidsburgh is one of the billboard ads you see on the drive there, along with an anti-Robert Redford billboard.⁴ Children would be into the museums (if they are into museums) and most things mentioned above. There are parks and river walks. We drove by lots of playgrounds, too. There is a zoo and a children's museum. There is also a children's hospital which is inconveniently located next to a giant cemetery. They look like they're connected in a most unfortunate way, but Nichole assures me it is not a special children's cemetery. Hopefully you'll never need the hospital.

— ∮∮∮ —

I'm sure we'll be up there again for another visit in the next couple of years (and maybe we'd go even if we didn't have anyone to visit). It doesn't cost any more than any other place we've traveled to, you can get there without driving on the Capital Beltway, and there is a lot to see and do. Plus you can learn what a wedgie is. Hint: you can eat it.

My first and, prior to this trip, only time away from my husband and daughter was also with Nichole. During one of the walks we took in the park where we were staying, we ran into several freshly maimed deer carcasses. This year's trip, while walking in a park in Pittsburgh, she remarked how she never sees deer there, and just then we passed a tree with a lone deer leg hanging from a branch. This is our thing now, apparently. ↩
My solo drive there took eight hours, and I printed a Google Maps route that only a militia would use if trying to enter Pennsylvania for a surprise attack. It was supposed to take less than six hours, but I missed four turns in a row and then got on the wrong way of the Pennsylvania Turnpike, which didn't have an exit for 35 miles. It was a strange drive without all the user errors I added. By the time I got to my friend's neighborhood, I couldn't find the street I was supposed to take, and I was driving in circles. I knew she was a five-minute walk away, and when I tried to call, my phone would only let me Facetime her, which she can't do on her phone. I had to pull over and scream loudly before I was able to find her street. Trips alone are supposed to be good for self-esteem building, not for confirming why my husband still holds the printed directions even when he's driving. ↩
Let's all take a minute to appreciate how the VMFA has free general admission. The Smithsonian museums, too. ↩
I don't care if Pennsylvania is coal country, and Redford is for clean energy. He is our living link to Paul Newman. This billboard should be removed immediately and we should place Redford in a bubble where he can safely tell stories about the pranks he and Newman used to play on each other. ↩

Raising Richmond: The Good-Enough List

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 24 Mar 2015 20:00:45 +0000

I sat down to complete one of the several "Best of Richmond" surveys put out by a local publication, but I didn't have an entry for about 75 percent of the questions, or I entered names and places I hadn't experienced for years. Sometimes "the best" to me is just the place I go. Isn't that normal? Do I not know how to enjoy my city? I don't have a Best Annual Benefit Gala or Best Spa or Best Bartender, but I still take part in something Richmondy every-day. Here is my own "Best of" list. OK, my "Good Enough For Me" list.

— ∮∮∮ —

Dining

Best Burger

Dot's Back Inn: There are lots of good burgers in town, but this one comes on a whole wheat bun so it's technically very healthy for you.

Best Breakfast

First Place: What's wrong with you that you can't make your own breakfast?
Second Place: The breakfast biscuit at Lunch/Supper.

Best Place For A Date Night

First place: Sneaking Chipotle burritos into a movie theatre.
Second Place: Pasture.

Best Place to Take Visitors to Eat

Kuba Kuba: Everyone likes it, and if you only take your guests to one spot, Kuba Kuba is a good snapshot of the casual Richmond dining scene.

Best Place to Take Visitors If They're Paying

Oh, someone else is paying? Let's all go to Peter Chang's China Café then. It's technically not Richmond, but hey, who cares? I'm not paying.

Best Pizza

Deep Dish pizza at Little Caesars Pizza: According to the box, it's America's favorite Detroit-style pizza. Which is a thing.

Best Doughnut

Dixie Donuts: I had Country Style Donuts for the first time last year and probably nothing is better than that, but the interior of Dixie Donuts makes me happy, the doughnuts are a little smaller so you don't feel as bad when you eat twelve, and my daughter loves it.

Best Place To Eat Every Week If I Only Had to Think About What I Wanted to Eat & No Other Determining Factors

Thai Diner Too. Or Chipotle.

Best Restaurant To Tell People Is Your Favorite

Stella's.

Best Restaurant (For Real)

Lee's Famous Recipe Chicken.

Favorite Local Beer

I'm really into this local brew called NOTHING. This whole beer thing exceeds my interest level in alcohol, but I'm very excited for all of you and hope that this massive expansion doesn't backfire.

— ∮∮∮ —

Goods and Services

I don't go to many places that aren't the grocery store.

Best Stylist

I like Pine Street Barber Shop. It's affordable, has good service, and although I only get two to three haircuts a year, the stylists always remember me and they are interesting people. Plus if you cut my hair regularly, you're guaranteed to move in the next few years.

Best Place To Board a Dog

Four Paws Pet Resort: Four Paws has had some trouble in the years that I've been a dog owner, but if my dog can't escape, it's a good bet that your dog can't escape. She chewed through a metal dog crate at home, but is always there when I pick her up at Four Paws (free motto if you want to use it, FP).

Best Book Store

I wrote a profile of Chop Suey for the Richmond Times-Dispatch when I was fresh out of college (2002?). I'm glad the business continues to benefit from the ol' Kelly Gerow RTD profile bump. Not only is it a great book store; it's an asset to the community.

Best Grocery Store

I hop between two stores--one that I like, and one that sends me good coupons even though being in the store makes me angry and ages me about five years with every visit. I told myself I would never go to the bad grocery store again after a particularly terrible visit, but now I have $7 in coupons that I can use. Sorry, nice store.¹

— ∮∮∮ —

Arts, Culture, and Entertainment

I often wonder if a bigger city like Detroit--when it's not busy slinging quality deep dish pizzas--has local celebrities or sites like RVANews and neighborhood blogs. I will never know because I'm going to die in Richmond.

Best Local News Personality

Andrew Freiden (@AndrewNBC12): Because at least three times I've seen him do a bit where he shares his favorite tweet that he wrote on Twitter. And that always makes me laugh.

Best Use of Social Media in Richmond

My Monday night Twitter feed with different people covering City Council and Richmond Public School Board meetings. Lots of snarky comments but enough actual information that I feel like a more informed citizen. I recommend you follow @taber (Taber Bain), @gmoomaw (Graham Moomaw, Richmond Times-Dispatch), and @nedoliver (Ned Oliver, Style Weekly).

Best Sports Team

I went to my first VCU men's basketball game last December and it was a lot of fun. It's impossible not to absorb the city's excitement for the team.

Best Musical Act

The only local music I've seen in the last few years has been Matthew E. White. Let's go with him.

Best Festival

The Earth Day festival, but in the early '90s. I haven't been since then.

Best Radio Station

First place: I spent 13 months listening to the radio until I got a new stereo installed in my car, and though I still occasionally check to see what's on, it's only WRIR (97.3 FM) that doesn't make me weep with sadness. Just the opposite! I love the local talk shows, and the Breakfast Blend is always a good way to spend a commute.
Second place: WNRN (103.1 FM), which broadcasts from Charlottesville, has an unreliable Richmond signal, though plays excellent music that is not Maroon 5 every five minutes.

— ∮∮∮ —

Kids

Best Place to Buy Children's Clothes

As much of my daughter's clothes come from Old Navy and hand-me-downs as they do from Lauren of Blue Bones Vintage. My daughter picks her clothes every day and she loves the fun clothes Lauren finds for her. You common folk can shop at the store for cool vintage kids' finds, including everyday clothes and costumey-attire (I had to gently inform my daughter that I would not buy a Ghostbusters jumpsuit that she picked off the rack the last time we were in the store).

Best ("Free or Basically Free") Place To Spend Time In Richmond With Your Small Child

Almost anywhere. Parks, museums, play areas in stores. I once had to stall for more than two hours with my daughter on a cold evening while her dad assembled a bed for her as a birthday surprise, and she and I spent almost all of that time at Target and Lowes. And it was actually fun. We rarely go anywhere that requires admission.

Best Back Pocket Place

I dream about going to the Bass Pro Shop in Ashland like some people dream of traveling to other countries. I can't really explain what about it appeals to me (Fudge Shop) since I don't hunt or fish. Also I can't explain why it's my dream vacation although it's twenty minutes away. I'll make it there one day. You bet I will.

— ∮∮∮ —

I'm sure what I think is the best won't have much overlap to the results of the Style survey in May, but I think we can all agree Richmond is due for a Detroit-style pizza boom.

Photo by: Gamma Man

I don't want to name either store out of fear that I will be contacted via Twitter and asked to share my experiences. Leave me alone with my feelings! ↩

Raising Richmond: Your child this week

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 17 Mar 2015 13:00:52 +0000

When your child grows older, you lose sight of small, yet significant, milestones. As infants they did something new every week, but a preschooler has a first day of school, and then there's a lot of normal activity until teeth start to fall out or they read a book to you. Obviously, things happen, but without a BabyCenter email eerily predicting it, you may not notice it until later.

My daughter is growing and learning constantly. She's doing larger-count puzzles, playing more complicated games, showing interest in Johnny Cash without us ever mentioning him, picking out more words on her own while reading, and doing chores. Here are some other mini-milestones that my daughter has achieved lately.

Swinging

My daughter loves swinging, and sometimes I take her to a playground without swings to force her to run around. At the playground we frequent most, there are two regular swings and two baby swings, and she's been attached to a baby swing that she can still fit in. Swinging is fun, but when you want your child to be active, being pushed by a parent is basically as aerobic as a Midway ride.

Last month, she asked to go on the big swing. She just needed a few pushes before basically asking me to go away. She was so proud of herself and told everyone around us that she didn't need me anymore (a playground dad told her, "You'll always need your mom." Aww, playground dad!). She told people that her grandma taught her how to swing. My mom had brought her there a few weeks earlier, and although my husband and I had been trying to show her how to swing for more than a year, I'll let Mom take the credit for it.

While my daughter was initially very upset when we refused to put her in the baby swing after that, she still runs to the big swings first when we go to the playground. And her independence has made going to the playground a better deal for me, because now I can sit down for a few minutes.

Kitchen Prep

My daughter always been my little buddy in the kitchen. She still uses the learning tower¹ my dad made for her that gives her access to the counter space, though she more often opts for a small stepstool that she can set up. She helps make batter, cut biscuit dough, stir ingredients, pour cereal and milk, pick out which fruit to eat, and cut her own strawberries with her dull Ikea knife after I cut off the stems. She cracks eggs (with my help) to make scrambled eggs. She remembers what goes into certain things. Recently, after I made her a piece of toast, she peanut buttered it all by herself. She's too small to cook on her own and she has very limited stovetop experience, but her making her own sandwich was a big deal. I like the idea of her having independence in the kitchen. I need to make up for her not likely having Home Economics in school, a class which taught me the only things I remember learning in middle school.

Outside the cart

After a few months of her using the cart with the car on front at the grocery store, I have banned her from using it. It's bulky and weird, it's hard to move and unload groceries during checkout, and she always ends up in the basket seat, anyway. While she still fits, she exceeds the weight and age requirements for the regular carts. I told myself before that as soon as she can't stay in a cart, I'll stop taking her to the grocery store with me.

This year, when she's had a choice, she's chosen not go to the store with me. When she does go, she's asked to not be in the cart. Since I know she'll end up back in the seat, I've been okay with it. She runs around a little, but mostly she stays with me and then will want to be in the cart again after we go to the deli counter and she gets offered a slice of turkey. She now wants to push her own little cart. I can only see that happening if we need to get one thing and I have 40 minutes in which to get it.

Nap skipper

As recent as last summer when our daughter didn't nap at daycare, our entire evening would be shot by her crankiness. She'll still nap at preschool from time to time, but I can't tell from her mood anymore if she didn't that day. Lately she'll skip a nap, either because she doesn't fall asleep or we miss the nap window. In most cases, she's fine. She doesn't tear up the house and cry all night. She usually goes to bed at her normal time. We still push for a nap on the weekend, and she'll sleep for up to two hours. I'm going to hang on to nap time as long as we can (because I will occasionally take a two-hour nap with her) but I know it's going fade out soon.

Toilet paper roll changing

She is very, very proud when she does this. She has requested that next time a new roll of toilet paper needs to be put on that we wait and have her do it. Sure, kid, that can be your thing.

Photo by: KrisZPhotography

You can find the plans he used here. ↩

Raising Richmond: Winter is leaving

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 10 Mar 2015 10:00:53 +0000

I used to not appreciate daffodils. I thought they were ugly and common. Now when I spot them popping up in between mounds of the melting snows of March, I see them as beautiful green-and-yellow middle fingers to winter.

I try to make the best of winter, which it turns out I hate. I don't like playing in snow, or having my schedule change because of snow, or snow. I know spring is still chilly and often rainy, but cold air turning into warm air feels better. Spring is coming, and soon we can go outside without pounds of coats and accessories. I've been thinking about some springy things to help me get through this last bit of dreariness.

— ∮∮∮ —

First, I want to get my backyard back from the bad weather. Only our dog has really been having the full backyard experience lately. Previously, it's been a play area and garden. Soon I'm going to clean it up, figure out what to do with the Christmas tree that I never properly discarded, put up my new bird bath,¹ and get my spring planting started. If you're like me and enjoy gardening at least until late August when you let everything die, check out this list (PDF) of what to plant when.

— ∮∮∮ —

Is there any place--not counting my backyard, of course--as beautiful as Richmond in the spring? Probably lots of places, but I live in a bubble. One of the best looking-at experiences to be had is Butterflies LIVE! at Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden, which starts on April 17th (also during A Million Blooms, where one can find at least thousands of flowers). Tropical butterflies are certainly an all-ages thing, though smaller children are more inclined to ask to have a picture taken showing off their butterfly wingspan in front of the giant, wooden butterfly paintings. And since the lifespan of butterflies is so short, there are guaranteed to be new ones every time you visit. Because the old ones have died. Spring!

— ∮∮∮ —

A big local blind spot for me is Bryan Park. I've only been there during the American Family Fitness Half Marathons in November. I haven't seen it at its best or really paid attention to it during the races, but I've been meaning to get over there. It sounds like a good park for milling around, bird watching, getting hit in the head with a frisbee, and enjoying azalea bushes in bloom.

— ∮∮∮ —

On the other side of town, Maymont gets busy with what I hope is A Million Baby Goats (free idea, Maymont, if you want to use it). Maymont definitely has lots happening during Spring Break and beyond, but I mostly want a visit that is warmer with fresher farm animals and more ice cream/snow cone vendors for us to quickly walk past before our daughter notices them.

— ∮∮∮ —

After a four-year streak, I'm not participating in the Monument Avenue 10k on March 28th, but I will be there as an onlooker for the first time, as my dad will be there (or, at least, I'll drop him off, try to find parking for an hour, and then be ready to pick him up). It'll be interesting to experience the run from the sidewalk and to cheer on folks, but what I'm most anticipating is that after my dad goes through the participant's food tent, he'll let me have his White House Rolls.

— ∮∮∮ —

We'll still have some rainy/sloshy days and will need to stay under a roof for sure, which leads me to my Wednesday routine of seeing what's at the Byrd Theatre. I'm waiting for the The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water and Paddington to come through so that I can take my daughter. We don't have it in our budget for a first-run movie experience these days, but I'll spend a few dollars for the Byrd. I don't particularly want to see the SpongeBob movie, but the delight she expresses when she merely sees a picture of SpongeBob is worth somewhere around $4 to $10 for me. I've also heard good things from adults about Paddington (specifically my parents, who are like me in their general enjoyment of all British entertainment), and if kids like anything it's talking bears and Nicole Kidman, right?

— ∮∮∮ —

Finally, what is spring if not a pregame for the best produce season (which is summer, obviously)? Strawberries are already out and on sale now, so every weekend I think about making this icebox cake. I'm not going to pretend that I frequent farmers markets, although I live close to the biggest one in Richmond, South of the James Market. In previous years, Victory Farms Urban Farmstand has set up a few blocks from my house on Saturdays, and it's been my go-to for fresh produce. I love a good tomato, but I won't buy them in stores, and I get my fix for a couple of months from Victory Farms. I read in my neighborhood newsletter that when Victory Farms opens again it will be at Forest Hill Presbyterian Church. Maybe this year is the year my daughter tries and likes a second vegetable. Only joking. She's standing firm that she won't like vegetables until she is either 10 or 34, depending on the dish.

— ∮∮∮ —

Even though this past weekend I was able to go outside without a hat and gloves, we still have some cold temperatures ahead of us. Hang in there, everyone. Our best days of complaining about the heat and eating a watermelon in one sitting² are before us.

Photo by: dan taylor

My mom bought matching blue ceramic bird baths for me and her. I've never had one before. I am going to trap and eat so many birds this spring. ↩
You all do this, too, right? ↩

Raising Richmond: Neighborhood wishlist

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 11:00:36 +0000

We've lived comfortably in a small house on the Southside for awhile, and if we have to live here for a few years more, we can make it work. It fits our family of three, but it's hard to accommodate visitors and the occasional houseguest. Larger families live in smaller spaces, but I could imagine it being awkward living in such close quarters with older children who want more privacy.

I want a third bedroom, a bigger bathroom (or two bathrooms--what a dream!), and a kitchen big enough to fit a table.¹ We need to spruce up our house if we want someone else to want it, and my husband and I are not great at home improvement. I've marked next summer on my calendar as the time to decide if we should move, which gives us some time to work on small projects.

I don't know how realistic our moving plan is, but I've been daydreaming about our next house. More important than the house itself, I think about which neighborhood I'd like to be in.

I like our current neighborhood. It's close to parks and playgrounds, and most of the places I need to drive to are reachable within 10 to 15 minutes. I'm close to my sister and her family, and very close to work.

Still, my neighborhood isn't on my dream neighborhood list, and as that list grows, I'm not sure that any spot in Richmond is. I want to stay in Richmond. I'd stay in Southside, too, but I've always liked Northside, which everyone knows is the Southside of the North. We've even talked about moving out of the Richmond area, but I'm not comfortable with that idea just yet. I want to stay at our next house for awhile.

Here's what I want--and I am possibly working on a rhyming version of this list to make a house hunt more whimsical:

Affordability. I don't know what that will mean 18 months from now, but less than $200,000 is a good start.
Walkable access to places like playgrounds and at least one decent restaurant.
Proximity to an affordable grocery store.
Good middle and high school options.
Streets good for running and dog-walking. While I can get good stretches of runs where I live now, crossing Forest Hill Avenue--specifically the designated crosswalks in front of Forest Hill Park--is challenging, especially when you're with a dog and baby stroller. I know those crosswalks are there, and I'm also guilty of occasionally not noticing the person who is waiting to cross the street. Also, using the sidewalks in my neighborhood with a stroller is more difficult than walking in the middle of the street.
Space for age-appropriate kids to run around unsupervised--meaning there are interesting places to go that I would deem "safe" or "safe enough."
Streets not covered in trash. My street (and front yard) is heavily littered. I'm raising my daughter to think that people who litter are the worst, lowest form of people and are capable of doing any horrible deed that isn't more complicated than hanging onto an empty chip bag for two minutes. That's a reasonable assessment of humankind, right?
An area where I would not be woken up because of gunshots.
In fact, a place with no monthly/weekly wreckless gun use at all.
Close to an Indian restaurant, which is apparently as rare in Richmond as a good middle school.

As more of our friends move to the counties, it's easier to see why people leave the city. My sister's biggest complaint about her neighborhood is the lack of holiday spirit and lack of kids playing outside during the recent snow days. On New Year's Day, when gathering with friends on Northside, I complained about being woken up by gunshots nearby. My Northsider friend complained about people two houses down shooting guns in the front yard. And our newly transplanted Chesterfieldian friend said she heard fireworks.

I recently took my daughter to a birthday party in a planned community in Hanover county with huge houses. It was nice, clean, and quiet. All the trouble there would likely come from the bored teenagers down the street who you would recognize when you caught them rifling through your garage. It also looked boring and isolated, as if the children there are being raised in bubbles.² Sure, I prefer bubbles to stray bullets, but there has to be a middle ground somewhere in the city, doesn't there? Or a middle ground that doesn't involve guns, anyway. As a side note, we can only afford to live in a middle or lower middle-class area, so I don't know why I worry about ending up living in a $300,000 priced gated community.

Plus, I think diversity is important, which I know all parents say, but it's true. Just our block is equally black and white, mixed age groups, renters and owners, families and single people, people whom I ignore when I see them, and people I go out of my way to say hello to.

When it comes down to it, three bedrooms, no trigger-happy neighbors, good schools, and cleanish streets (in this order) will be the deal-breakers. Now, just to figure out where that neighborhood is.

Three bedrooms was also a must-have on our first house hunt, but I fell in love with our move-in ready, two-bedroom house and its cute little green kitchen. It turns out we couldn't afford to spend a dollar more than what we bought, but I don't think I'll cave so easy on requirements with our second house. ↩
I am a city-snob. I know it, and I know it's annoying. ↩

Raising Richmond: Home alone

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 11:00:24 +0000

As the snow fell last Monday night, my four-year-old and I walked around outside while she threw snow, and we saw some neighborhood kids playing outside by themselves. I know they weren't unsupervised, since I could hear the mom talking to them from their house. I counted down the minutes until I could reasonably tell my kid that we had to go back inside because it was too cold to play, and I marveled at the idea of her playing outside alone while I did things other than stand out in 20-degree weather.¹

Not that she would want to play outside alone. She's only in the last few months really embraced any independent play at home, and since she can't go more than 30 seconds without calling for me for some reason, playing during her first real snow day should be a shared experience. Anyway, she fell down a lot in her new snow bib and often needed a hand up. And since I forget all the time that our fence-jumping dog is outside I would maybe-but-probably forget my child was, too. We are both not ready for her to play outside by herself.

Still, it had me think about when my husband and I would consider her old enough to play outside unsupervised, or even stay home on her own.

I can't use my own experiences for this question, since I was the youngest of three and my sister, almost five years older than me, was old enough to watch me for most of my childhood. Also, when I grew up it seemed like kids were alone all the time, and I started babysitting younger kids by myself when I was 11. Now I know parents who won't leave their 11-year-olds home alone. I guess things were different back in the stable, super-safe Richmond of the 1980s.²

I want to say six or seven is a good age to start walking down the street to go to a friend's house alone, but then it depends on the neighborhood. I can't see my daughter going anywhere by herself in our neighborhood until she's legally allowed to drive there, but I'm sure when she's not four I would soften on that age restriction. I'm OK with her playing solo in our backyard now (again, she doesn't want to), but due to all the strangers we get via foot traffic, I don't leave her alone in the front yard. She knows about stranger danger in theory but still wants to call out and talk to everyone who walks by.

This recent NPR story about laws surrounding unsupervised children discusses why sometimes "free range parenting" might look like neglect to some, but it's hard to set broad laws.

The story offers some things to think about:

"As for allowing kids out without supervision, few states set a strict minimum age, instead advising parents to use their judgment. Parents must ask themselves, is my child mature? Do they know how to call 911? How to reach a parent?"

Virginia doesn't have a legal age for children to be left unsupervised at home, but it recommends waiting until at least age 11.

I remember playing alone in the yard when I was a small kid. People were inside the house--I don't remember ever being completely by myself, other than waiting at the bus stop in elementary school. When I was in middle school, my siblings and friends and I could spend a day wandering in the woods behind our neighborhood. We often got lost, but nothing worse happened than someone losing a shoe in a creek, and we ended up finding that later on a different adventure anyway.

We lived in a subdivision that was being built up during our time there, and we would use scrap wood and materials and build forts on yet-to-be bulldozed plots of land (though now I understand it was stealing and can realize why the builder kept coming to our parents to complain). We did all of that alone, but there were varying degrees of ages among the group of kids I ran with.

What are we afraid of when we let our kids go out alone?

For me, it's a combination of environment and people. I'm used to nature-based problems, like the accidents my brother would have or my only real emergency situation that required us to find the closest adult.³ I was 11 and my sister was 16 when that happened--we just didn't have a car. So we sought advice from a neighbor down the street before my mom was able to get home and take me to the ER.

And when we were younger, my brother used to get into any number of accidents that required medical attention while out alone. He, among other kids, always seemed to step on glass while barefoot, and, according to his stories, my husband spent his childhood being chased by bees.

The scariest thing that happened to us as children happened in our home when we were alone. I was in elementary school, probably around seven, and we had a woman in our neighborhood who would ride her bike around with her two-year-old son. One day, she just came inside through our back porch, without her child. She seemed unhinged, and yelled about how messy the house was. I don't remember too much about it except that it was scary, my sister eventually yelled her out of the house, and later my friend's mom told me that she had had her son taken away from her.

Though we were unsupervised, I don't remember if we let her in ourselves or if she let herself in, but we probably did not consider her a stranger. My sister doesn't remember any more than I do about the incident other than she was scared and never told our parents about it afterwards. I guess they know now. Sorry, Mom and Dad.

My daughter can probably sense some unease with strangers around the house. Our not opening the door when strangers come knocking is good practice for safety reasons, but in reality is just us not being interested in what they want or finding it worth wrangling the dog for. We know some of the neighbors on our street, but it's not like when I was growing up when we knew everyone around us.

This is definitely one of those topics that seems so different when you're the parent. I don't think as a child I would have walked off with a stranger, based on my fear of a (now-gone) store on Midlothian Turnpike where a girl was kidnapped and her kidnapper took her to the bathroom and cut her hair to make her look like a boy. But bad things don't happen to kids just because the kids don't know better. Let's all just stay inside together forever.

While I don't know when we'll decide to let our daughter walk anywhere on her own, I'm sure she'll be ready a long time before we are. Exploring is one of the most fun things about being outside and being a kid. I hope that I can get past some unease and she can know the joys of getting lost in the woods and petty property theft.

My daughter would always dress like it's a warm spring day if we didn't tell her otherwise, and doesn't seem to get cold like most people do. I had to convince her she needed her gloves in the snow, and we often send her to school hat and gloveless because she doesn't want to wear them (we're teaching her lessons about the consequences of her own decisions and also don't have time for a winter wear-related tantrum in the mornings). When she came in from the snow on her one snow day, she was wearing snow pants but her ankles and wrists got plenty wet and her gloves were soaked through. To warm up, she put on ankle-length leggings and a t-shirt and went barefoot. ↩
Obviously things were not better. We just had two full-time-plus working parents who put lots of faith in the idea that we'd all be okay until they got home. Anyway, this is not one of those "things were better in my day" issues. No time was ever any better except maybe music in the 70s was cooler, but no one knew that until recently. ↩
A piece of mulch went an inch into my foot. Don't run barefoot outside, kids. ↩

Raising Richmond: Lawfully latched

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 11:00:05 +0000

Like most people who learned about the legislation that makes breastfeeding in public legal as long as the mother is lawfully allowed on the premises, my first reactions were "It wasn't legal?" and "Someone bothered to make laws about nursing to begin with?" While I am currently not a nursing mom, I was disappointed to learn about this supplemental indignity that came with being a baby-making American.

It wasn't illegal before, but places not owned/leased/run by Virginia could have legally asked moms to not breastfeed or move to another location. Since breastfeeding was only lawful on Commonwealth property, this explains the popular pastime of nursing moms meeting every few hours in a VDOT lobby. Just kidding--I bet that most moms had no idea such legislation was necessary.¹

I have never tried to nurse in public, and I don't know how typical it is for a mom to get the stink-eye when it happens, or if women have been commonly asked to shut it down mid-feeding (maybe it violates rules about not bringing in your own food and drink?). I probably would have tried to avoid nursing in public, as I like to have a reason to leave situations for 20 minutes, but I don't find public breastfeeding distracting or upsetting. I get why some people would be uncomfortable around a nursing mom if it's not something that they've normalized yet. It's an intimate and intensely personal moment, but usually it happens discreetly while the baby has a thin sheet over her head. I also believe that it falls into the "get over it" category if it bothers you.²

While this will surely be signed into law by the governor, it's hard to see something like this as a victory. Women have the special injustice of having our bodies routinely legislated. It adds to that injustice to learn that the most basic thing on earth--a mother feeding her baby--could have gotten you kicked out from somewhere. It's not like it's the same thing as peeing in public, which--wait, are our babies legally allowed to do that?

There are many big-ticket problems that don't seem to get any easier for parents. It's a challenge now to afford and coordinate maternity leave, paternity leave, child care, and increasing insurance costs.³ Think about all the work that has been done for parents' rights since the current generation of breeders have been bred, like FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act), and, well, car seats are safer, I guess. We think we have it rough sometimes, but can you imagine how hard it was 20-30 years ago and also, all of time before that?

After I was born, my mom had to go back to work six weeks later to a job that required her to stand up most of the time (I was taken care of by cats and my two older siblings until I was old enough for pre-K).⁴ She was at work for 10 hours a day and couldn't take breaks to pump, and even if she was allowed breaks, she had no place to go. My previous and current employer have dedicated rooms for new moms to use (progress!).

If you can get paid maternity leave, have affordable health care and child care, and are able to spend quality time with your child, it's still difficult to do basic things like find a changing station, or even a clean bathroom.⁵ Then there are the concerns with older kids, including school schedules that appear to have been created just to vex working parents.

People love babies, and people are going to keep having them despite the fact that the world is overpopulated and will be underwater in ten years.⁶ Having a child doesn't make me feel entitled to certain things, but people reproduce. That's a thing that happens and most are OK with it. After a child is conceived and born, it needs to be taken care of and sometimes it needs to go into a public space, where it may get hungry. And it needs to grow up with support and education to be an adult who both contributes positively to society and also has the critical skills to complain about the state of having children.

Child care issues vary so widely based on the circumstances of the parents, but nursing is a special category of inclusiveness. As long as we are physically capable of and interested in nursing, any mother can do it.⁷ It's free, it's healthy for mom and baby, and it's probably the best thing one can do on state property that wouldn't get you kicked out.

I hate to whine about how hard it is to be a mom when people on the outside of parenthood probably walk around with a list of ways parents are specially accommodated, but reading news like this definitely makes me want to write down every natural function of my body, mail it to my representatives, and have them put check marks next to the ones I'm allowed to do while out and about. And are we supposed to alert the government when our daughters start menstruating so it's known when she's eligible to be a governed body, much like boys have to sign up for the draft at 18?

If breastfeeding is something that needs governing,⁸ at least it will be in favor of moms' rights. Kudos to Sen. Jennifer Wexton and Del. David Albo for sponsoring the legislation, and to those who supported it. Let's hope that when our kids are having kids, their biggest concern is keeping babies from getting lots of diaper rash in our new underwater society.

I am not a pollster. ↩
That's not to say that there are probably situations where it is inappropriate to breastfeed in public. I can't think of what those are, but that's not the point right now. ↩
My first child cost me $300 to have, any future children would cost me 20 percent of all hospital costs, and I wouldn't know what those are until after the baby is born because getting an estimate on what hospital expenses are is a harder question than "How much does space weigh?" ↩
My mother is currently vacationing in Costa Rica, so I cannot confirm that cat thing. ↩
Special shout-out to Kuba Kuba. There is a changing station in the unisex bathroom, there's a new kid's menu, the setting is loud and bright, the service is good, and there's a playground across the street. Also, tres leches cake. ↩
I am not a scientist. ↩
I personally struggled with nursing, and instead had special bonding time with a loud pump for almost a year. I think moms are cool with not pumping in public. Still, I'm with you nursing mamas. ↩
Here is a list of breastfeeding legislation in Virginia. You can download a trusty card to keep handy in case you find it hard to keep track. ↩

Raising Richmond: Let’s talk about death

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 10 Feb 2015 11:00:11 +0000

My daughter is a typical, talkative four-year-old. We rarely filter her subjects unless it's to tell her that something could hurt someone's feelings. Among her favorite topics of conversation: movies and TV, remembering moments in her life when she was injured,¹ Jesus, and death.

I don't remember her saying anything about death before last summer. We were at the pool, and there were two dead crabs floating in the water. They were cleaned out, and her dad said something about how they were just taking a rest. And she said, "No, I think they're dead." From then on, we knew we didn't need to sugarcoat anything.

I'm not sure why she talks about death and dying as much as she does. Though we don't bring death up more than we need to, we've told her that plants, animals, people--all livings things--die eventually. Learning about Jesus at her school has gotten her to believe that things come back to life. I assured her this isn't true, though I suppose with the upcoming lessons on Easter, I'll have to do more damage control regarding your typical resurrection.

If my child is abnormally preoccupied with people being dead, I don't know if I'm helping or hurting by how plainly I respond. She doesn't seem to be concerned with mortality, but I occasionally remind her that, although everyone dies, we are not likely to die anytime soon, so it's not something worth worrying about. All we can do is try to stay safe and healthy. Also the idea that people die because they get old leads her to ask often if me or her dad are old, and sometimes she'll decide for herself and just tell me if she thinks we are.

We've talked about how it's sad when people die, and that we keep people alive in our hearts by remembering them.² The recent death of our cat brought up a lot of questions and talk about missing her and remembering things she did. Our cat was cremated, but our daughter asked a lot of questions about what happens to bodies and faces after death.³

We took her to Hollywood Cemetery for the first time recently. It seemed like a timely trip to take since she's been chatting about dead people a lot, and one of her favorite strips in the comic collection It Was a Dark and Silly Night takes place in a cemetery. My mom took my siblings and me there as kids, but I'd never thought to take our kid there before because there is no swingset, but there was enough happening to make it a worthwhile trip, including:

There were benches. She was excited about "taking a rest" after we had walked around for all of two minutes.
Looking out for angel and dog memorials.
Finding her name.
Walking around independently looking for the stone alphabet markers that organized the Confederate soldiers.

When we first told her we were going there, she asked if we would see dead people or at least mummies, but she still seemed to have a good time despite nothing ghoulish happening. Plus, it really is a beautiful place to go, and it's nice to have another setting for active time outside that isn't a playground (parents need to move their legs, too, and that's not always possible on playgrounds).

She brings up death so casually that it often makes me laugh (her "Jesus is dead" announcement to my friends was my favorite story to tell fourth quarter 2014). She told me, "If we get smooshed, my dad wouldn't have any more ladies," when we had to stop abruptly to avoid a moving car in a parking lot. When asked what she knows about George Washington, her answer was "He died." And, one of my favorite quote of hers: "When I'm an adult, you'll be dead." I have told her that's not necessarily true.

"When will you die?" she asked. "Not for a long time, I hope," I told her. "I'm not planning to die anytime soon."

We had an awkward moment while listening to the Frozen song "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" in the car, during the part of the song that plays while Ana and Elsa's parents die during the storm. She asked me what was happening in the song, and I reminded her that it was the part in which the parents died on the boat. I realized that maybe she didn't know that's what happened since it's never said in the movie that they die. There are dead parents/siblings in almost every movie she's watched. It's basically like watching Game of Thrones. Don't get too attached to that character, he/she will be killed to give the main character a reason to be alone for a weekend.

She does ask questions about how things come to life, too, so there is balance in the conversations of the house. This is just what she's talking about now and what she's processing. Ideas about death and killing come up a lot in stories and movies, and obviously she questions everything she doesn't understand. I don't think that any of this morbid small talk will make a real tragic event any easier to handle, and I don't know what impact any of this will have on her. It all seems to be part of her natural curiosity.

Her worst injury to date happened two summers ago when she hopped on her friend's scooter and immediately flew down the front steps outside and busted up her face. It was a huge parent fail for me and a very scary moment (no stitches, thankfully). She brings it up a lot. Even her friend who owned the scooter reminded me of it the other day. ↩
I'm glad that she saw the Book of Life, which portrays celebrating the lives of those who have passed with the Day of the Dead. It wasn't a sudden, sad Disney death sort of movie. ↩
I'm sure there are great kids' books out there about what happens to bodies when they die, but she would want to read that more than I'd want to read it with her. ↩

Raising Richmond: The oldest kid in class

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 03 Feb 2015 11:00:36 +0000

Among the worries that I have about my daughter's pending introduction into grade school is not knowing when she'll start. She'll be five this fall, but her birthday misses Richmond Public Schools' kindergarten cutoff of September 30th by a few weeks.

She's always been a bright kid. She was an early talker, she has a great memory, and she can count to 130. Her preschool teacher has put her on par with the pre-K kids a year ahead, but if we go by the standard policies, she won't be starting kindergarten until right before she turns six.

I think I would let it pass and go with the system if I wasn't told so often that I should try to get her into kindergarten early.

Her pediatrician and preschool teacher have suggested that we find a private school for her to start kindergarten this year, and that way she'll start first grade the fall she turns six. But I don't even know if my child is ready for kindergarten. I can't truly compare her to other kids since she's my only one, but she keeps up with her friends who will be a grade ahead of her. Just because her parents and grandparents think she's the smartest and best kid ever doesn't mean schools will agree. She might not pass the school's assessments in the same way she won't smile in photographs when asked.

We worry that she'll get bored and underperform. Now she's in a class of 10 kids, and her teacher works with her and the other older kids on more challenging activities. When she's in public school, classroom size won't allow for that kind of attention. It gives me flashbacks of every year of school for me--waiting quietly for the learning to start while the teacher addressed the students who couldn't shut up and sit down, even at 17.

VPI (Virginia Preschool Initiative) applications will be posted on February 15th, and open enrollment (if you want to send your kid to a school outside of your school zone) has already started. Faced with these deadlines, I thought I should finally find out what I can do with my rising public school student.

First I contacted the principal of the school in her district, and she got back to me very quickly with whom to contact, which let me know that, while she didn't have the specifics, there are exceptions. I was handed off several times from the contact number she gave me, but with each "this is the person you need to contact," it kept me thinking there was a way.¹

Then the last response I got was that, no, there are no exceptions made for early admission to kindergarten. To paraphrase that email, consideration for early entry to kindergarten is on hold while a process is developed, and even that's on the fence because there may not be any benefits to enrolling kids into kindergarten early anyway (I have seen as many studies and articles against and in support of sending children into kindergarten a little earlier).

So there you go. Honestly, I'm relieved to have an answer either way. Secondhand from a principal, I've heard that those who try to sneak in through private school for kindergarten face similar age requirements for first grade (one of my aunts also said this has backfired on her friends). Now I can use all that money that I would have spent on private school on nothing, because we didn't have that money anyway.

Some good news is that two different people have told my husband and me that students in their children's kindergarten classes have moved on to first grade at the beginning of the year after testing is done. I haven't looked into this, because my child isn't in kindergarten now for another 20 months. What I'm told today doesn't apply that far in advance.

The worst thing that could happen is that our child goes into kindergarten when she is supposed to and then stays there. Is that really so bad? Does that mean she won't do well? I have another aunt² who teaches elementary school who thinks it's better for kids to be a little older. I know plenty of people with October and November birthdays who were the older students in their grades, and they appear to be well-adjusted and successful contributors to society. When we see each other, I rarely have to tell these people to settle down so that we can start hanging out.

My daughter will probably still be challenged. It's not like we sit down with her and teach her kindergarten lesson plans. There's plenty she doesn't know. And what would be so bad about being one of the oldest kids in the class? Maybe she'll be one of the top performers. Or maybe she's not a genius.³ Maybe when she's six, the age differences between her and her classmates won't matter as much.

My daughter loves school and loves learning. She happily does activities in her LeapPad books and she is especially proud when I tell her that I know something because she taught it to me.⁴ I want her to continue to feel encouraged to know more and share what she knows, and she'll at least get that at home.

From what I can tell, talking to parents who already have kids in school, I will have plenty of work to do when school starts. I should save my energy for looking out for my daughter when she is actually in the school building, and give everyone some credit that she will not immediately disengage.

And if VPI doesn't work out, I need to prepare for another year of full-time child care. Maybe that was the real reason I was interested in her getting into kindergarten early.

Photo by: woodleywonderworks

I'm pleasantly surprised that I got an answer at all. I was expecting to be ignored since I currently don't have a child in the school system. Although I kept getting handed off to other people, at least everyone promptly responded, and the last person actually reached out to me with an answer and not another name to contact. ↩
I have an aunt for every situation. ↩
She is. ↩
Like candy canes are shaped as "J" for Jesus. I don't know if this is true, but I'd never heard of it until she told me. ↩

Raising Richmond: Two hours

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 27 Jan 2015 12:21:37 +0000

Our weekday schedule for 2015 gives my daughter and me about two hours to cram in all of our evening activities. Our schedule used to be a little looser, but due to my husband's work schedule, I have to get her from school almost every night, which puts me at home by 5:30 PM (and sometimes later). This isn't as late as it could be, but with a 7:30 PM bedtime, it's late enough.

I am mostly flying solo until after she and I have dinner, and then my husband comes home and can step in. How do we make it work? Because we are amazing superparents who keep an organized schedule:

5:30 to 5:35 PM: Come home. Take out the dog, set up my daughter with a TV show to watch while I make dinner (unless TV rights have been revoked, which has been a thing).

5:35 to 5:50 PM: Secretly eat a dinner's worth of snacks while my daughter is in the other room. Quickly hide snacks if she comes in. Also, get so wrapped up in eating snacks that I forget to start dinner.

5:50 to 6:00 PM: Make dinner, which lately has been something quick like leftovers, frozen pizza, beans and tortillas, eggs, peanut butter toast, and/or cereal.

6:00 PM: Feed the dog to give myself a few minutes when she is not trying or succeeding to eat everything that I have out on the counter, and then plate and serve dinner.

6:05 to 6:15 PM: I eat dinner, while my daughter eats fruit and protein on her plate.

6:15 to 6:40 PM: Wait while my daughter eats 1/4 of a carrot while she simultaneously asks for a treat if she ever finishes her carrots. Meanwhile, I clean up dinner, fuss about how it could possibly take a person that long to eat that small amount of carrots, and then remind my daughter that desserts aren't an everyday treat. I also review any homework assignments (of which she has one a month, but I often forget about--January has an assignment of writing down something kind she did every day). If I earlier told my child she could do something like paint when we got home, this is when she remembers, so I compromise it into a quick drawing session with crayons.

6:45 PM: Give my daughter a dessert anyway when carrots are done because although I threaten that a small piece of chocolate or candy is a sometimes treat, I consistently threaten this and then consistently let her have a small piece of candy. Consistency is so important for parents.

6:50 PM: Get bath ready, but also get distracted with things like letting her watch movie clips from Gremlins because earlier in the day she was making noises that reminded me of Gizmo, and although I explained to her that Gremlins is a movie that gave me nightmares as a kid and she can't watch it, I find clips of Gizmo singing for her to watch instead. Or I wait for her to take a carrot's amount of time to eat three Skittles. Things like that.

6:50 to 7:00 PM: Quick bath! Set the timer for 10 minutes.

7:00 to 7:05 PM: Give in to fussing over wanting more bath playtime and add another few minutes. Again, consistently giving in is very important, especially if you sound exhausted when you do it.

7:05 to 7:20 PM: Daughter gets in pjs, brushes/flosses,¹ hems over picking out books despite a million requests to do so.

7:30 PM: Bedtime. Her bedtime routine itself has varying level of complications and involves lots of parent-sung folk or Carpenters' songs, but the goal is that she is asleep by 8:00 (or we're at least out of her room), which is typically met during the week.

Other things I do to get a jump on the evening

Start laundry/clean up as I run around the house while she finishes up dinner or while it's cooking (if I'm cooking anything).
Pick easy meals to eat for the weekdays and try to prep for those on Sunday. I'm mostly over the idea that we all need to eat the same thing, especially since the three of us often aren't eating dinner together anyway. But the quick meals are usually similar meals, and nothing she likes to eat takes more than ten minutes to put together.
Don't freak out. As long as she eats dinner and then goes to bed, that's enough.

If we need to cut time, then dinner is usually late, she watches an 11-minute Adventure Time instead of her usual 22-minute show, there is no bath, the number of books is cut, or she goes to bed holding a piece of peanut butter toast. We make it work, and I don't feel rushed. I personally have at least two more hours to do things after she goes to bed, and that helps.

I can't imagine what evenings will look like when she's older and there are things like extracurricular activities, real homework to consider, or network TV shows that come on between 8:00 and 9:00 PM that we all want to watch,² but we adapt well to changes.

Our evening routines often have to change, and not only for inconvenient reasons. She used to be in bed by 6:30. Sometimes I didn't leave work until 6:00 and worked farther away. I used to spend a significant amount of time in the evening with breast pump parts. The round trip to get her from her babysitter took 20 minutes longer than it does to get her from school these days.

I know that in a few year's time I'll look back on our two-hour evenings, when she's older and goes to bed later and can do more things without my help, and wonder how we managed to cram so much into so little time. Maybe the secret is that two hours is actually a lot of time. She has an hour to get ready in the morning, and most of that is spent with one of us repeatedly telling her to hurry up or saying "You're not ready yet?" I have no tips on how to successfully get your morning routine in shape, other than to do as much as you can the night before. And don't keep hitting snooze (I know this but am currently not practicing it).

If you're like me, and that busy evening is your only significant weekday time with your child, be sure to balance getting things done with doing something fun like watching clips of Gizmo together. He's so cute.

Photo by: Chris Preen

Flossing someone else's teeth is a challenging and weird task. The Kroger-brand floss for kids ("Flossups") are the easiest for me to use. ↩
When she's old enough, I wonder if network TV would even be a thing that we would want to watch. ↩

Raising Richmond: So long, Milhouse

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 20 Jan 2015 14:15:35 +0000

I complain about my pets. A lot. I have tearful conversations with people about how much living with a dog and two cats in a shoebox-sized house frustrates me, and we have to have a lot of workarounds to make sure they don't eat/destroy everything we own. I don't know what it would take to convince me to get another pet in the event that we lost one. That doesn't mean that losing one doesn't hurt.

I got my cat Milhouse when I was 21 and she was about four months old. I was living in a tiny apartment with a friend. Milhouse was a stray cat from a recent litter that someone I knew had been keeping inside the house but needed to re-home. My friend and I named her Milhouse, after The Simpsons character, because I have a streak of having pets and children that everyone confuses as the opposite sex.¹

Milhouse would hide under our couch, and when people sat down, she'd attack feet. She would get comfy on our necks and nuzzle our hair. She did something that a friend referred to as "making bread," where she'd find a surface--usually your neck -- and make kneading motions until she settled down and sucked on her paw while she clawed on someone's skin. It was weird/adorable/painful. She especially loved my friends who also lived with her in the years after I got her, and my dad (Milhouse and I lived with my parents for about nine months at some point).

She became a skittish cat when I lived in an apartment that was broken into twice while we weren't home. I had her for about seven years before I started to live with my now-husband and his cat. Milhouse passive-aggressively shared her pillow with my husband, then lived in hiding spots. Years later, after the introduction of a dog (Bunk) who loves to pounce on the housecats, and also a kid, Milhouse permanently resided on a cat bed in the laundry room. Only my dad ever sought her out when we had people over. If kids found her, I had to warn them that she might scratch (she would like to be pet for a minute, then she'd growl and swat). She was our anti-social cat, which suited me fine, as I always liked that she wasn't in my face when I got home. She hung out when she wanted to.

Our daughter would come to her when she saw that I was holding or petting her. Milhouse scratched her only once. Milhouse mostly never warmed up to my husband, though on those rare times she was the only animal in the room, she would nuzzle up to him. I swear I saw that happen.

I felt bad for how isolated she was, and other than a daily pat when I was in the middle of taking care of other things, she and I didn't have much quality time. I gave her tuna and chicken when I could. I tried to play with her if she seemed like she wanted to play. I did my best to protect her from being chased by the dog.

Right before Christmas, I shut out the other pets from the bedroom (our dog sleeps in our room at night) and she and I spent some time together and both fell asleep before the dog came back and she left. And in a few days, she was on our bed every day. She would often sleep there all night. It was then that my husband remarked on how small she was. Her spine was almost spiky. I shrugged it off as her being old. In hindsight, I had noticed how the cats weren't going through food very quickly. I saw our other cat eating and drinking, but not Milhouse. When she slept on our bed I kept waking up because we were partially sitting on her, and I wasn't sure she was breathing anymore. My husband kept urging me to take her in to the vet, and I eventually scheduled an appointment.

When I left for work on the morning that she died, she was sitting on the dog's bed. That was very strange. Stranger still, Bunk didn't bother her. When my husband called me a few hours later, saying that she let out a cry and collapsed and needed to see a vet, I remembered how when I was in labor, and a few weeks later suffering from something that would eventually send me to the emergency room, my normally excited and always jumping dog was very calm and sat next to me. The dog could sense something.

My husband took her to an animal hospital. Her heartbeat was too slow. She was dehydrated. She was so cold the technicians couldn't take her temperature. They put her in warming blankets, but the diagnosis was that she had kidney failure from a chronic illness, and it was time to let her go.

I was in a meeting and I couldn't leave work, but had my phone with me. I told my husband I trusted him to make the big decisions--and that I didn't want to be called during the meeting unless I absolutely could do something because I didn't want to cry in front of 10 strangers who were all staring at my computer screen projected on a wall. He texted me that he was going to let her go, and I had to sit straight faced for another 30 minutes. I was able to leave work to be there when she was euthanized. It's hard not to feel embarrassed for doing something like crying so much you can't talk when you are telling your boss you need to leave work although it's just a cat, but anyone with pets understands that they are little family members and are worth a good cry.

By the time I get there, she was near motionless but awake. When it was done, they gave us a little clay print of her paw with her name stamped on it.²

We waited until we were all together to tell our daughter. I started with "I have some bad news,"³ and then we told her. She asked a couple of questions, like if Milhouse was coming home and where was she now, then quietly went to put her shoes away. Then she ran out of her room crying, saying that she missed Milhouse. She cried a little throughout the night. For me, who always thought of Milhouse as "my cat," it was reassuring to see how affected my husband and our daughter were, though it was a different kind of heartbreak seeing her cry because she was sad (as opposed to seeing her cry because she was asked to put something away).

My daughter has mentioned her daily (I overheard her saying "Poor Milhouse" repeatedly over the weekend). I had planned to write this week's column about how my daughter is always talking about and asking questions about death,⁴ and now having an actual deal to deal with has amplified that curiosity. She's been asking questions about what happens to people when they die, told us her stuffed dog was dying and we couldn't save it, argued that she didn't want to take a nap because, "I'm already dead," and asked the much anticipated "What is Heaven?" question. This must be how she deals with it. And her stuffed dog who was dying on Friday night is actually doing better now.

Now we are a two-pet household, which is a normal number of pets. I am still sad about it, but she was an old cat and after a few days I'm getting used to not seeing her, and I'm trying to be kinder to the other cat. That leaves us with the dog (who I like to call "horse legs" because of the amount of noise she makes walking around), and Ely, our "party cat," who is basically a cat-shaped puppy. I'll miss my quiet, kind of jerky Milhouse, but I will remember her as the cat who grew up with me, and I'm glad she spent her last few weeks hanging out and watching Netflix with me, just like old times.

We took the name for Bunk, a female dog, from Det. Bunk Moreland of The Wire. When people hear "Bunk," they assume male, although "Bunk" isn't actually a name. But if I've learned anything from my mom, it's that all dogs are male and all cats are females, so their names don't really matter. ↩
Surreal moments from the experience: hearing someone say "Milhouse" repeatedly in a
very serious manner, and calling her vet to cancel her appointment three days later because she died. ↩
That night my daughter came to me and said "I have some bad news," just as I told her. "Ely is playing with my wand." At least this experience gave her a new expression to misuse. ↩
I have a long list of weird and sad pet deaths that I've experienced in my life--including cats, a duck, and some newts--and Milhouse's was probably the most normal and natural I'd dealt with because she was my first indoor-only cat. ↩

Raising Richmond: A smarter year

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:00:22 +0000

New Year's Resolutions are dumb. Unless you stick with them--then they are great. I happen to like goals and work well with deadlines and things that require accountability. This year, I've set goals that benefit my family and our home life. I want to live smarter, use and spend less, and clear out our house of unneeded things. Here's my plan...

— ∮∮∮ —

Use credit cards almost all the time

First, some horn-tooting: I don't have any credit card debt. I don't buy it if I can't afford it, which means that when I make a purchase I either have the cash in my checking account, I have saved for it, or I can pay it off with my next paycheck. As a former loan analyst, I have a healthy fear of unsecured debt. When I read this from a fellow RVANews columnist, it made me wonder why I use my debit card at all when I have two rewards credit cards.¹ I have a card that gives me one percent cash back on all purchases, and I've always put groceries and gas on it and paid it off within days. With that pattern, I typically receive the cash back bonus of $50 at least once a year. Because I'm already paying off my credit card balance weekly, I might as well put every transaction on it. That way my cash back will come quicker, and I doubt I'd ever exceed the annual limit placed on it. I've had this particular card for 10 years with no issues, I've gotten hundreds in free money for using it, and I can't remember the last time I couldn't pay it off before interest was charged.

I opened an Old Navy Visa card last summer because I was buying a big stack of clothes for my daughter and me, and there was a 40 percent discount that applied for credit card holders. I buy a lot of my daughter's clothes at Old Navy, and since I don't have many credit cards, I went for the special offer. In the few months I've had it, I've gotten more than $70 in store credit, along with other credit card holder discounts. Some months offer additional incentives. For instance, I get $10 in store credit if I use the card five times in January. The store credit rewards took a nice dent out of what I spent for fall clothes shopping, and I'm hoping the same for spring (and again, I haven't paid any interest). Old Navy might not be the store for you, but maybe there's a store with a rewards credit card for you-specific benefits--assuming you pay it off each month.

Avoid Target

I also have a Target card, which gives five percent off for non-sale items. I definitely buy more than I need when I go to Target, so saving $2 doesn't mean anything when I overspend by $10. Because of my pile of V-neck tees, cardigans, and tank tops from Target that immediately get tiny holes in them (and I still keep because I'm a clothes weirdo), I stopped buying any clothes there that cost less than $10. Now I think it's best to avoid Target as much as I can. It's a huge money-suck for me. I'm guessing that lots of us have stores like that.² I try to buy household/personal items (although they're not packaged as adorably) at the grocery store. I shop with a list and tend to not impulse buy at the grocery store, so getting things like hand soap and contact lens solution eliminates me finding "great deals" at Target that I didn't plan to get, plus those added purchases at Kroger or Martin's go toward gas discounts. I will be a millionaire by year's end.

Stop wasting food

It saves a lot of time to make dinners that can last a few nights. I especially appreciate eating Sunday's leftovers on a busy Monday evening. Cleaning out my fridge recently, I realized that we're letting a lot of those leftovers go to waste (except for pizza - I will never not finish a pizza).³

We don't finish clamshell containers of lettuce and spinach, either, and every time I put away a storage container with a half cup of beans in our fridge, it's usually placed right next to the previous week's uneaten beans. I hate wasting food, and I didn't realize we were doing it that often until recently. So how do we stop? Some ideas include:

Stop buying what we don't typically finish
Make smaller batches or freeze leftovers immediately (a single serving could make a good lunch for one of us)
Buy things that will last longer, like hearts of romaine and root vegetables instead of baby lettuce salads that are slimy by Day 2
Buy frozen vegetables to avoid letting fresh vegetables go uneaten
Only eat pizza?

And, another big money waster:

Stop going out to eat so much, dummy

Part two of this issue is that we eat out a lot as a family. Our meals rarely cost less than $35, and that adds up to a huge chunk of money throughout the month, especially when we usually have food to eat at home. We like going out, though, and we'll have to both cut back and find better deals.

This is a big one for me. Some people stress eat, but I stress-go-to-restaurants. We haven't gone out to eat this year, and that's a long break for us. We need to cut back to maybe twice a month instead of once a week, getting takeout instead of dining in, and checking if any of the places we like have good happy hour specials on food or "kids eat free" deals. (Check out this list, but confirm with the restaurant first).⁴

Clean out every drawer and closet

Any storage space we have in our house is cartoonishly overstuffed. I expect that when I open a closet, cabinet, or even silverware drawer that an avalanche of coats, shoes, and basketballs will fly at my head. It's insane. We don't take the time to weed out the things we don't need.⁵

This year I'm going to go through every closet and drawer and throw out, give away, or try to sell whatever we don't need. It's going to be hard, but even just cleaning out my desk last weekend made me feel significantly better, and I found a $25 Peter Chang's gift card I had forgotten about. To get started, I wrote a list of every space that I need to clean out and rated it as 1, 2, or 3, by level of how difficult it would be for me to clean it out (1: I can do it in less than an hour, 3: it would take considerable time, sub-organization, or I'd need my husband present to confirm what can be thrown out).

My goal is to not put anything else from our house into the attic to store indefinitely (only temporarily until a yard sale or thrift store run). That way I can make space, maybe make some money, and have an excuse to keep my Simpsons figurines for another year.

Take on the kid's toys

A good chunk of parenting is inventory management. I hate inventory management. My daughter barely has floor space to play because of the bundles of toys and junk she owns. I go through her things to declutter, but she gets more stuff (clearly her loved ones don't read my column and don't realize that's my number one anxiety). I need to get rid of her toys, and not just the dumb $1 toys that she forgets about. She's noticed before when I've removed or thrown out her belongings, so I don't know if I should engage her in this.

She needs about 50 percent of the amount of stuff that she currently has. I've thought about incentivizing it for her, like for every 10 toys she chooses to lose, I will take her to see a movie. Also I've made a new rule that when she breaks something, even if it's something that could be fixed but still has no real value, I just throw it away. Tips on what works for you on getting rid of kid's toys are appreciated.

— ∮∮∮ —

2015 feels better already. I'm going to clean out a drawer now.

Photo by: ekkebus

One benefit of using my credit union's debit card is that I have it set up to round to the dollar and deposit the difference to my savings account. It goes into an incidental savings account that I don't contribute to every month that I use for Kelly-only purchases, like clothes or secret pizzas that I eat in the car. ↩
If Trader Joe's was closer I would probably spend all my money on TJ's Just the Clusters Vanilla Almond Granola. ALL OF IT. ↩
"We" obviously only includes my husband and me, since my daughter finishes her peanut butter toasts and scrambled eggs like a champ. ↩
Our kid is not the expensive eater, but anything helps. ↩
Also I only wear four pair of shoes throughout the week but have about 30 pairs. The only benefit to having a cat that pees on everything is that sometimes he shows me what shoes need to go. ↩

Raising Richmond: All aboard the membership!

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 06 Jan 2015 14:46:57 +0000

Our family's annual memberships around town are up for renewal right at the start of the new year. Before I pay out for another 12 months of quality enjoyment in support of some of our favorite places, I reviewed the options again to determine if it was actually worth it for us. Maybe memberships are a good value for your brood, or maybe a trip or two covers you for the year. Here are some popular places in Richmond that offer family memberships...

Note: be sure to refer to each venue's website for complete details and other pricing options.

— ∮∮∮ —

Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden

Between the butterflies in the spring, the children's garden year-round, and the water play area in the summer,¹ we spend many hours and afternoons here. Lewis Ginter is good for the entire family as well as visitors. Some of our friends are members, so it's also an easy space for a play date. The last two years I've purchased the guest pass, which isn't listed on the membership options anymore, but it was an additional $20 in previous years for an unlimited guest pass. I don't think we used our guest pass more than twice, and the membership comes with two complimentary tickets, anyway.

Annual Cost • $100 for two adults and up to five kids or $85 for a couple (children 2 and under are free).
Benefits • Free daily admission to the garden, 10% discount in the garden shop, free entrance to participating gardens nationwide, and discounts on classes and GardenFest tickets (with a few no-charge member nights during GardenFest).
How many visits equal the cost of membership? • The annual fee covers about 10 admissions (regular admission is $12 for adults and $8 for kids).

For my family of three, we take an average of two visits to see the butterflies, maybe two summer/fall visits, and up to two trips to GardenFest (which this year offered $5 savings on each ticket on a non-member night). It's worth it for us to get again this year, though I'll wait to renew the next time we visit, and will skip the guest pass if it's an option anymore.

— ∮∮∮ —

Virginia Museum of Fine Arts

I love the VMFA, but other than parking, we don't use our membership card for most of our visits. It's not a place where we'd try to meet up with other families, but we've often brought visitors to come with us (though their tickets, if needed, are paid full price). Paid exhibits aren't the best experience with a small child, but they're perfect for babies who naturally love fine art/sleeping in museums.

Annual Cost • $85 for two adults and all children in your household.
Benefits • Free entrance to ticketed exhibitions, free parking, 10% off at the VMFA shop, Amuse, and Best Cafe, and the satisfaction of telling people you are a fancy museum member.
How many visits equal the cost of membership? • There is no fee for the general collection (which is most of the museum). The most recent exhibit had a $20 ticket price for adults and $10 for youth (six and under were free), which is about average for the special exhibit costs, though there are some smaller, ticketed exhibits throughout the year. The membership is worth it if four adult exhibit tickets will be purchased within a year.

We've seen seen exhibits at least four times during the last year, making a membership worth it for us. Plus the free parking is nice. I'm going to hold off on renewing until I want to see another exhibit, though.

— ∮∮∮ —

Children's Museum of Virginia

The Children's Museum of Richmond has a lot happening throughout the year and several area locations. It's a great bad-weather place, and a great way to keep kids busy on school breaks.

Annual Cost • $135 for two adults and up to six children in the household.
Benefits • Free entrance to all four locations (three in the Richmond area and one in Fredericksburg), including free admission to special (non-ticketed) events, and $1 off for guests.
How many visits equal the cost of membership? • $8 is the general admission price, so the annual membership is worth the price of almost 17 single admissions, which, depending on the size of your family, could be four visits or it could be eight. Or anything in between.

While I've often checked to see what's happening at the central location, we've only taken our kid a few times. I can't imagine going enough times to require a membership. If we were gifted one, we'd go just to make it worth it. I can see CMoR being worth it for parents or caretakers who spend more weekday time with their kids and wouldn't be fighting weekend crowds for a chance to play with that tube that shoots out handkerchiefs. Also if you have six children this would totally be worth it.

— ∮∮∮ —

Science Museum of Virginia

I don't remember wanting to go to the Science Museum more often than the annual school field trips allowed, so it wasn't until I was in the building two years ago that I knew it even offered memberships. Up until now, the Science Museum has been out of our daughter's realm of interest. Our only attempt to take her was so that we could see an exhibit (that I had to leave quickly because she was only two and loudly uninterested) and the regular exhibits were lousy with bigger kids. She would probably be more into it now. I remember a cool digging area outside. And I've never seen rats play basketball. That's a thing, right?

Annual Cost • $99 for two adults and children.
Benefits • Free entrance to the museum and other technology and science centers throughout the world, café and gift shop discounts, four guest passes, and four Dome passes (I'm going to assume that the free and discounted movie admissions vary depending on if the movie is a nature film about pandas or a Hollywood movie).
How many visits equal the cost of membership? • Children under 3 are free. Adult admission costs $11, and youth are $10, so if my science is correct that's about 10 admissions to pay for a membership, with an added $40-44 value in guest passes.

Plus if your kids aren't motion-sickness-prone, all that Dome movie access would be cool.

— ∮∮∮ —

Maymont

I've never considered a membership to Maymont. I give a few dollars every visit (usually less than the suggested donation, but always something) and have given the occasional donation via text. Until recently, my daughter could get into the Nature Center for free. We go at least six times a year and to the Nature Center at least annually. It's just that...it's free, or really inexpensive, and that's nice.

That doesn't mean it doesn't cost money. I don't want Maymont to start laying off bison or cutting hours because people take advantage of the free entrance, so the prospect of membership has been on my radar. The birthday party discount (thinking ahead for birthday number 5--she can't do playgrounds forever) first got me thinking about finally becoming a member, in addition to my kid's renewed interest in things that aren't steps in the Nature Center.

Annual Cost • $60 for two adults and up to six children in the household.
Benefits • Free Nature Center admission (otherwise $3 for adults and $2 for kids four and older), discounts on special events, 10% discount on souvenirs, and a $25 discount on birthday party packages.
How many visits equal the cost of membership? • You'd have to get 20 admissions to the Nature Center to make up the cost of the membership, and no one likes regional animals that much.

But a Maymont membership is like a public radio membership--you're not getting anything you weren't really getting before, but it needs contributions if you want it to thrive. Plus, it's not that expensive, especially compared to other memberships. If you don't get your money's worth, at least you contributed enough to feed a bobcat for a day or something.

We joined a gym with an outdoor pool, so we didn't do the water play area much last summer. ↩

Raising Richmond: Following up

Kelly Gerow — Tue, 30 Dec 2014 12:20:31 +0000

I've been writing this column for most of the year, and it was interesting to go back and browse through the last year of confessions, reviews, and parental mishaps and wins and compare it to where we are now. It's been a big, challenging year, and to be able to write about it publically has been its own challenge, between worrying about oversharing while remaining honest.

Because I'm too out of it to rank any pop culture that came out this year (though I did read two books that came out in 2014,¹ and I should be your go-to for podcast recommendations), I thought I'd recap some past columns and update where we are now...

— ∮∮∮ —

Accidentally raising a girl

I don't want my daughter to grow up thinking that being a woman is a liability, and she is starting out as less-than. I want her to have choices, and when she chooses what she likes and it happens to be pink or what society deems as appropriate for a little girl, she still made the right choice.

My daughter is definitely a typical preschool-aged girl. It's been months since anyone has called her a boy, thanks to her longish, curly hair. She's continues to love all things commercially girly. It took some time, but the Frozen bug finally got to her. It is a typical occurrence that she shuts herself in her room for a few minutes and then emerges dressed like a butterfly or mermaid. This year, especially, I've noted a divide in how she and her male friends that's she's known all her life have been playing, and while I love these guys, I think she needs some more gal pal time in her life. She wants to run around and be crazy, but she wants to dress up like Ana while she's doing it.

We have a lot of talks about how boys can like "girl" things and girls can like "boy" things, including the idea that there really is no such thing as "boy" or "girl" things. You can like what you like. When she told me that she wanted to play Mary in her school's Christmas play when she was older, my first instinct was to say, "Why can't you be Joseph?" Which makes no sense. I can't use her as my own pawn to challenge gender roles.

She chooses pink and princess, and although I like Ana and Elsa, I sneak in some exposure to non-royalty girls (whose mothers aren't all dead, geesh), like Kiki or Chihiro from Hayao Miyazaki movies Kiki's Delivery Service and Spirited Away.² I have given into her girliness. Turns out, it suits her.

— ∮∮∮ —

Do you know about Jesus?

Although the word 'Christian' is all over her school paperwork, I hadn't really thought about what it would mean to enroll our daughter in a Christian preschool.

After having dinner with a couple of girlfriends and their kids, one of them texted me that my kid said something really strange when I left the table and they didn't know how to respond. My daughter sat down and announced to the table, "Jesus is dead."

I can see how alarming and nihilistic that sounds coming from a four-year-old. But in context to what she is usually talking about, it seemed normal to me.

My daughter has asked me more than once "Why is Jesus still dead?" And, as someone who doesn't typically think about Jesus and his comings and goings, I misunderstood this question. I would tell her because when people are dead, they stay dead, and he lived a long, long time ago. Then she talked to my husband about how he's dead but is alive in people's hearts and some people think he will come back to life, and I realized she was talking about something kinda heavy for someone her age. We've had to field a lot of those kinds of questions about God and Jesus, including "Is God real?"

She does talk about Jesus constantly, especially now that she's heard the Nativity story repeatedly. She mostly just confirms that he was real, Mary and Joseph were real, he was a baby when he was born, and that he's dead now. The vital stats of Baby Jesus and crew are probably not what people usually talk about with their kids, but it's what has come with her Christian preschool.

I admit when she comes home with a new religious song my first thought is "Oh, they're still doing that?" I thought her interest in Jesus would taper off, but it hasn't. That's OK.
Jesus, etc. is only a fraction of what she learns about at school. We're happy where she is. It's a small class, her teacher is sweet but keeps her in-line, they have lessons and a curriculum, and she's learning so much about everything. Plus they're outside a lot, and everything they do is a teaching moment at school.

All this Jesus talk keeps me on my toes, and I try not to say anything inappropriate in response. I've had practice with a lot of tough questions, and I think I've answered them well.

— ∮∮∮ —

City schools, county schools

We're sticking with Richmond, and will be sticking with the schools.

I could write and talk about the issue of where we should send our daughter to school for weeks. It's a constant bother. When do we stop worrying about it? The reader comments on this article were encouraging, though I have gotten mixed reviews of schools from friends and teachers. We are still on track for attending our neighborhood Richmond Public School, though I don't know what we'll do about VPI if our daughter gets in. We may keep her where she is for pre-Kindergarten and then put her in public school for kindergarten.

If she gets into pre-K at the school we want, she'll be in three different schools in three years, which is a lot of transition that we could avoid. And also, VPI sounds like a prep for school life that she already is in, and I don't want her to spend a year waiting for other kids who aren't used to that structure to catch up.

I have some research to do.

In addition to that, I do want to move eventually, and maybe even before she gets to kindergarten. I want to stay in Richmond, but I have noted that you get bigger houses for less money in the counties and that the schools are, if not nicer, at least not the biggest worry for parents. I want the luxury of not feeling like my child's education is a statement.

I'm sure once my child is in school I will still worry if she's in the right place. I can't assume what her experience will be based on what people went through in the past. It's a terrible feeling that your child's education is almost political. It shouldn't be the case. All kids should get the same education, although not all kids are prepped to be able to receive the same education. We're not county-bound yet, but more of her friends are, and I don't blame any of them.

— ∮∮∮ —

Carrying the banner

Of all the antiquated methods of communicating and connecting to the world, I thought I would bring back the newspaper.

We still subscribe to the Richmond Times-Dispatch, though my daughter's focus when we get the newspaper has shifted from the comics to the "Find the difference" panels that are printed Friday through Sunday (Sunday's being the best). I've been happy to see reruns of For Better or For Worse, one of my childhood favorites, and proudly voted for the return of Mark Trail, which I find oddly delightful. I'll read whatever comic she requests that I read aloud, though some are so unfunny that I can't explain the joke because of the precious time it wastes. And also comics, in general, specifically the ones where the creators are all probably more than 100 years old, are extremely sexist. When she picks a Hi & Lois to read, she gets the added benefit of me saying "That's sexist," because I can't not point that out. Also, Garfield is a terrible cat. Not just a terrible cat, a terrible, mean character. And Pluggers. WE GET IT. PLUGGERS ARE DUMB ANIMALS IN PLAID SHIRTS WHO THINK THAT THE INTERNET IS A FISHING LINE WITH A PHOTO OF BETTY GRABLE STUCK TO IT.

I love hating the comics.

Oh, also, I feel like a more engaged citizen spending more time with local stories. That's a plus, too.

— ∮∮∮ —

Love for Young House Love

I'm currently considering fixing a leak in my kitchen sink. I'm going to wait and see if it fixes itself first.

I have not fixed the leak in my kitchen sink yet. I did figure out how to turn off the water and successfully remove parts and then correctly reassembled them. I wasn't sure where to go from there.

— ∮∮∮ —

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts with me this past year! Happy New Year.

Photo by: motone.

Birth of the Pill by Jonathan Eig (a history of the development of the birth control pill--highly recommend) and Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng. ↩
His movies pass the Bechdel test so well that I can't recall a film of his where two named men talk to each other. ↩