The Bopst Show - Episode 19

by Chris Bopst

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• The Bopst Show — Episode 19

“Wake up. We’re going to the pool in 20 minutes. If you want to come, you’ve got to get up. The kids are getting antsy.”

This was how I was awoken Sunday morning. It is not a good way to wake me up. Hearing orders never makes me happy and when fevered, panicked orders from my frantic wife are the first words I hear when I open my eyes, well, that really pisses me off. Coupled with the fact that I spent my Saturday night waiting tables on a bum, bone spurred impaired right foot, I was really not happy. All I wanted to do was sleep.

My mother in law is in town with her son’s two children and they all have been up since the crack of dawn. My wife told the children that we would be going to the pool today so by the time 9:30 had rolled around, they were chomping at the bit to get out off the house and into a pool. And that’s why she awoke me with such frenzied insistence; the kids were driving her fuckin’ crazy.

Kids, I thought as I pulled myself from bed. They ruin everything.

As I get my dead ass up to do my part to facilitate the day’s activities for the precious children, my phone rings. It’s my mother. “Are you up?”, she asks and before I can answer, she inquires, “Are you ok?” twice in rapid succession before I can even respond. “Yes”, I say obviously annoyed which immediately puts her on the defensive as if I were being needlessly abrasive after being hit with three rapid fire questions seconds after saying hello. “Well, don’t be like that. I was just asking how you were doing.” I had to fight the childish urge to smash the phone into little bits hearing her annoyed tone. And then, came the next round of questions. “So, how is everything going? Are Judy and the kids there? How’s Nina? Have you seen your brother? What do think about Biden as Obama’s vice president? You would think that I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. This is how she usually initiates conversations with her youngest son. She hits me with a barrage of questions.

“I can’t talk right now. I’ve got to function.” I honestly respond and she tells me to call her later irritated. She’s not the only one. Seconds later, my brother calls with his list of questions and I answer them quickly knowing that my functioning presence is needed downstairs as soon as possible.

So I head downstairs and the house is full of activity. My mother in law and wife are packing up the necessary essentials as the children anxiously await to get the day underway. I am handed a cup of coffee as soon as I enter the kitchen and told of things that I need to be doing in order for us to leave the house in the next 10 minutes. My daughter yells, “Da Da” the second she sees me followed by, “cup” as she points to my cup of joe. It is scary how much I love this child. I remember the little bit of vomit that used to come into my throat when I used to hear parents endlessly gush about their precious spawn when I was childless, but now I understand. All those sappy Hallmark feelings are true. My daughter fills me with a joy I can’t accurately put into words. As I bask in my child’s glow, I realize I have to take a shit. I excuse myself and head up to the upstairs bathroom so as to not sour the family bliss with the smells of daddy’s bowels.

After my morning constitutional, we pack up in the cars and head to the pool. It is a relatively short drive, but that doesn’t stop Daniel from asking how long it will take to get there 3 times within the 10 minutes in takes to get to the magical body of chlorinated water. Each time he asks I tell him its going to take 7 hours. He doesn’t get the joke. When we finally arrive, the pool is closed. It doesn’t open until noon which throws a wrench into our plans as Nina takes her nap between 12 and 1 and everyone is bummed. We quickly devise a plan to go back home, eat lunch, put Nina to bed and the rest of family will go back to pool when it opens. I’ll stay at home and bring Nina when she wakes up.

And that’s where I’m at as I write this. I have to squeeze in precious, “me” time when I can as my life is no longer my own. No longer will I know lazy Sunday mornings sipping coffee at my leisure reading the paper or doing anything I damn well please. Those days are over. I am merely a vehicle to enable to the collective good. A friend of mine told me long ago that he never understood why people killed their families until he himself had children. Now I too understand.

Having said that, I can also say that I couldn’t imagine or would want my life to be any other way other than it is. The daily, minor irritations of being married with children are just part of the package and they can’t diminish the unparalleled joy I feel when I am with my family. I can’t wait until Nina wakes up so we can go jump in the pool with her mother, grandmother and her two cousins who love her as much as I do. The concessions of self that you make to the family are frightening to those living the single life, but having lived both, I am turning into the proud family man that I was once mocked and ridiculed and I couldn’t be happier. Part of the liberating thing about having a child is that your life it is no longer all about you. It’s about the unit.

And my unit is the best thing in the world.

The set list for this week’s show is posted on my MySpace page. Previous show set lists are on my blog.

The Bopst Show Request Line: (804) 767-2550

Until Next Time:

Stay Clean,
BOPST

Previous Episodes

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18